Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hiya, think I could do with some advice here.

    Basically, I'm a very, very shy person (Not on here obviously where I am anonymous, but in real life!).

    The last few years I've been really working on this and I've come a long way. I used to have hardly any friends, because I found it difficult to talk to people, but I got a part-time job (helped a lot!) and really pushed myself to go to parties and join in activities and just talk to people generally, in everyday situations. Now I make friends really easily (I've got tons, most people seem to like me, without sounding too boastful!) and I appear much more confident on the outside, and am slowly starting to feel more confident on the inside. I realised that a lot of the people at my school when I was a bit younger thought that I didn't like them, because I appeared a bit aloof and stuff -but it wasn't really that, I was just too shy to talk to them and could never think of things to say! As soon as I started chatting to them, a lot of them became really friendly, and as I've gone through sixth form and uni things have improved a lot. I havn't really made any really, really close friends at uni but I have lots of general, everyday friends I can go out with and stuff, and I'm still strongly in touch with a few really close friends I made in sixth form.

    So what's my problem? Basically, when it comes to love, I'm back to square one. I have no trouble making friends with boys, it's never been a problem to me, but as soon as I start to fall for them I freeze up. I can barely look or speak to them, and if they sit close to me a few times I've actually started shaking and trembling, so I can't let them touch me. It actually ruins the friendships, because to them I suddenly go all cold and they can't understand why, but no matter how hard I try not to do it, I can't stop. I certainly can't tell them how I feel! I can barely speak to them! Even worse, on the occations where they've been interested in me and I reciprocate the feeling, I still can't tell them. One even implicated that he was inviting me out for a meal with him (Though he didn't say it directly and ask me straight -he said he had two tickets to a free meal and nobody to go with, and I knew he liked me and how he ment it) and I couldn't even bring myself to just say 'yes'!

    Eventually they seem to decide they were mistaken and I didn't like them at all, and give up. And then my heart breaks, lol!!!

    I need help!!! I need advice!!! Shy people, how did you overcome this?! Non-shy people, help me!!! I'll take any advice I can get!!!

    Edit: Think I'd better mention here 1) I'm 20 years old 2) I'm female 3) Havn't had a boyfriend yet -havn't even been kissed -keep putting them off!!!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Do a barrel roll
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    i had a mate who was horribly shy.. he was SOOOO quiet it was unbelieveable.. hes still the same now.. and hes at uni.
    LOL.. at
    3) Havn't had a boyfriend yet -havn't even been kissed -keep putting them off!!!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I'm impressed that you have turned your shyness round to the point of making loads of friends, thats great! Perhaps when you start to get feelings for people you should just set yourself the goal of talking to them, jsut that nothing more. I think the pressure of omg i have to make flowing conversation, may have to kiss, the situation can build up and up to a lot of pressure? Just aim to talk, may relieve the tention a bit and help you relax. I found that after my first kiss it became a lot easier to do it again with other people because the build up and un known was out the way. Dont know if thats been any help at all, but good luck.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Yusuf2007)
    i had a mate who was horribly shy.. he was SOOOO quiet it was unbelieveable.. hes still the same now.. and hes at uni.
    LOL.. at
    3) Havn't had a boyfriend yet -havn't even been kissed -keep putting them off!!!
    Well, it is pretty funny really. 'specially since the only reason they notice me now is because I've got better at talking to people and looking confident in the first place. No wonder they can't understand what's happening to me -don't think they realise how painfully shy I really am!

    Hurts like hell when they give up... but I can laugh at it too, once the pain wears off lol!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Double Agent)
    I'm impressed that you have turned your shyness round to the point of making loads of friends, thats great! Perhaps when you start to get feelings for people you should just set yourself the goal of talking to them, jsut that nothing more. I think the pressure of omg i have to make flowing conversation, may have to kiss, the situation can build up and up to a lot of pressure? Just aim to talk, may relieve the tention a bit and help you relax. I found that after my first kiss it became a lot easier to do it again with other people because the build up and un known was out the way. Dont know if thats been any help at all, but good luck.
    No, that's just the kind of thing i need to hear lol, thank you!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You seem to have a nack for getting past your anxieties on your own, so i guess you could carry on as you are and you'll probably crack it eventually, using similar methods i guess.

    Or if it's bothering you that much try some therapy? That'll give you a boost.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 7Magpies)
    Hiya, think I could do with some advice here.

    Basically, I'm a very, very shy person (Not on here obviously where I am anonymous, but in real life!).

    The last few years I've been really working on this and I've come a long way. I used to have hardly any friends, because I found it difficult to talk to people, but I got a part-time job (helped a lot!) and really pushed myself to go to parties and join in activities and just talk to people generally, in everyday situations. Now I make friends really easily (I've got tons, most people seem to like me, without sounding too boastful!) and I appear much more confident on the outside, and am slowly starting to feel more confident on the inside. I realised that a lot of the people at my school when I was a bit younger thought that I didn't like them, because I appeared a bit aloof and stuff -but it wasn't really that, I was just too shy to talk to them and could never think of things to say! As soon as I started chatting to them, a lot of them became really friendly, and as I've gone through sixth form and uni things have improved a lot. I havn't really made any really, really close friends at uni but I have lots of general, everyday friends I can go out with and stuff, and I'm still strongly in touch with a few really close friends I made in sixth form.

    So what's my problem? Basically, when it comes to love, I'm back to square one. I have no trouble making friends with boys, it's never been a problem to me, but as soon as I start to fall for them I freeze up. I can barely look or speak to them, and if they sit close to me a few times I've actually started shaking and trembling, so I can't let them touch me. It actually ruins the friendships, because to them I suddenly go all cold and they can't understand why, but no matter how hard I try not to do it, I can't stop. I certainly can't tell them how I feel! I can barely speak to them! Even worse, on the occations where they've been interested in me and I reciprocate the feeling, I still can't tell them. One even implicated that he was inviting me out for a meal with him (Though he didn't say it directly and ask me straight -he said he had two tickets to a free meal and nobody to go with, and I knew he liked me and how he ment it) and I couldn't even bring myself to just say 'yes'!

    Eventually they seem to decide they were mistaken and I didn't like them at all, and give up. And then my heart breaks, lol!!!

    I need help!!! I need advice!!! Shy people, how did you overcome this?! Non-shy people, help me!!! I'll take any advice I can get!!!

    Edit: Think I'd better mention here 1) I'm 20 years old 2) I'm female 3) Havn't had a boyfriend yet -havn't even been kissed -keep putting them off!!!

    I am pretty shy too, so I know how you feel, but im glad you got over ir, Im 18 and I'm starting to do the same. You seem like a really nice person tbh, I think most shy people are.
    I think you just to find the right person who you dont feel shy around
    Just don't think about how much you like them if you feel yourself wanting too, just see them as friends until it turns into something more, dont biuld it up as a big thing in your head, just let it come naturally
    also don't worry about kissing, its comes completely naturally!
    life is short, you have to live it, even if the consequences might be bad, they also might be good, you just have to try
    i think the more you take the risk of saying 'yes' the better you will get




    also
    GET DRUNK!
    it helps
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    Vodka :rolleyes: lovely lovely vodka...
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    LOL thank you everyone! Luckily it doesn't take too much to make me drunk, so if I ever go down that route at least it won't be too expensive! :p: (j/k)

    Anyway, I will try and take it slow I guess, and aim for getting a few coherant sentances out next time it happens. Good to know I'm not completely hopeless -nice to get a boost lol!

    That article you linked to Flashmob -bit weird that. I'm a caesarian and a lot of the other stuff the article describes a typical love-shy person to be (except not male of course) -but I have a much better home life than the poor guys in that study did. (Don't think I actually have that love-shy condition though, I'm just pretty shy.) I'll keep working on it!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think its awesome they way you have overcome your initial problems with shyness, and am sure you will do the same here! Dont worry about it!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you have inspired me to be less shy, ive had similar problems

    I think adapting a "Lifes too short to be hanging around" attitude might help slightly.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Thanks guys! And Lukelukeyluke, if I've inspired you that's awesome! I didn't like it much at first, but it was well worth pushing myself to interact more like that because I feel much happier now, although I still have my shy moments and I obviously havn't sorted out all the kinks yet, lol! Anyone else who is shy, I'd really recommend trying to do this and push yourselves to talk to people, because it does slowly get better. The part-time job especially helped me -it was on a supermarket checkout and company policy was you had to chat to the customers, so I got really good at talking to complete strangers who didn't really want to talk to you -helped me a lot when it came to talking to people I vaguely knew, who actually didn't mind talking to me!
    Anyway, thank you, I think you're all right. Don't wanna keep letting chances pass me by all my life because I'm too shy to even say 'yes' lol!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Join t'shy club.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 7Magpies)
    Well, it is pretty funny really. 'specially since the only reason they notice me now is because I've got better at talking to people and looking confident in the first place. No wonder they can't understand what's happening to me -don't think they realise how painfully shy I really am!

    Hurts like hell when they give up... but I can laugh at it too, once the pain wears off lol!
    Man i know the feeling when the person you are talking to slowly edges away..i've had that done to me.. maana it gets me angry.. im very socialable and shizz and so when im out i go and talk to people.. but THEY seem to not wanna know.. grrr..
    When you meet new people just ask general questions like "So what college/uni are you at?" "what do you study?" "Oh really, have you always wanted to be an [insert occupation].. then from there you can talk about family and shizz like "oh do your brothers and sisters want to be a [insert occupation] aswell?"
    Then from there you have a flowing convo.. taaaadaaaah
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    *edges away*
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe go on a confidence course....it sounds far fetched,but confidence is a important part of life.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by This Is Not A Username)
    *edges away*
    Grrrr:mad:
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 15, 2008
Poll
Were you ever put in isolation at school?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.