You're not all those horrid things you're thinking about yourself rn. You do this to yourself, almost as though you want to be feeling this way. I know no one in their right mind actually wants to be feeling like this, but you're really not seeing things as they are. They love you, here you are feeling hated and uncared for. Though maybe they have a point, you have become a bit useless and all that. You are a bit of a failure.