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my mum really hates me! watch

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    Sorry about that, I didn't realise you feelings about your dad, since you did mention earlier that you see him regularly, but your relationship was just a bit - blank.

    my parents are divorced, but i see my dad all the time. however he wouldnt really care, we dont have the best relationship ever and he wouldnt do anything about it.
    i guess i interpreted this a bit too optimistically.

    In light of that, sticking it out will help you become a stronger person - your mum sounds, quite frankly, petty. If you are going to uni/college/moving out in a few years, is it possible to just stick it out, keep your head down and try and get through it. Not talking to her much would be the first thing, and probably staying away from your sister which might cause bitterness. Try and hang out with mates after school so you don't have to come home for as long?

    There are always ways to get through things and time is the best for it.
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    Why don't you talk to your older brother about it?

    She sounds like a complete cow tbh. But she is your mother, maybe just sort out one day where its just you are her, and really pour your heart out.
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    i do see him alot, i just dont really like him, he loves me as any dad would, we just have a bit of biterness between each other lol

    i do try and disappear as much as i can. i hate it here. except if i go away for long after college, my mums ringing me up saying where are you and im like you dont give a crap so why are you ringing me. she sends out mixed message, one minute saying stop taggin around, the next saying where are you. i dont get what she wants me to do?!?!?

    normally she wants me to look after my little brother or something like that.

    i have ignored her before, once i did it for ages when i was about 13, but it wont make much of a big deal cos i try and talk to her as little as possible!

    thanks for everyones help though
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    (Original post by glassheart)
    Why don't you talk to your older brother about it?

    She sounds like a complete cow tbh. But she is your mother, maybe just sort out one day where its just you are her, and really pour your heart out.
    i would but hes my mums sort of little spy. they do everything together and hes a big mummy boy. ive talked to him about my dad as he doesnt get on with him either though.

    it seems to be just me that my mum doesnt like, she worships my sister though!

    and i agree, she is a cow!:mad: lol
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    it sucks when someone who has so much control over you is so unreasonable...

    how do you react when she treats you like this? from what you've said, it seem you get pretty angry. i'd try being completely emotionless around her for a while to see how she reacts. don't ignore her though.
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    ive tried doing nothing before, it seems to aggrivate her more and she just becomes more horrible than ever. so i have found its better for me to just get angry rather than bottling my anger/ saddness up
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    I don't really know what to say to you but have a hug :hugs:, must be really horrible for you.

    Is there a friend's house you could stay at for a while to get away from her for a bit?
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    possibly could go to a mates house, ive never really asked.

    the only problem i could see this posing is my mum giving my sister my bedroom, which may sound random but my sister has always wanted my bedroom and if i temporarily "moved out" then it may seem as fair game for her to take. then it would be just unbearable to go back as i would have no escape lol. i would consider it though
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    ive tried doing nothing before, it seems to aggrivate her more and she just becomes more horrible than ever. so i have found its better for me to just get angry rather than bottling my anger/ saddness up
    weird, seems as though she's happier when you're upset. have you asked her why this is?
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    yeah, i get that feeling too ive never asked her about it though

    i dont know why someone would like that though, seems weird imo
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    Some people just aren't fit to be parents. Just play along with her until you go off to uni, and then don't come back.
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    Psychoanalysis attempt #3:

    When girls get older they become a rival to their mother. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. She resents this, so she puts you down, making herself feel better by making you feel worse.'

    Sort of like my Mum's fixation with what I do with my hair (I never do it "right", it's so much better when the hairdresser does it, etc.). She also goes on about what a wonderful writer she was when she was a kid and how everyone thought she should publish something (trying to one-up the praise I got for my writing when I was younger). Anything I'm good at, she's better at :rolleyes:
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    yeah, i think that might be right, i think she is jealous cos im going to uni and stuff and am at college which are thins she didnt do.

    she has been having a go again today, i said that i was thinking about leaving my job in a few weeks time to revise for june exams and she went crazy saying that every other 17 yr old has a job, why should i not have one. then i reminded my mum that my 19 yr old brother had worked for 3 months when he was 16 and hasnt worked since, and she said thats different, how is it different?

    i know that i should have a job but i personally think my alevels are more important so dont understand her at all!!
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    Maybe it's her menopause? My mom's constantly grumpy nowadays cos she's going through that. It would explain her weird mixed messages and why she's picking fights with you all the time. Also, I think she doesn't know how to deal with you moving away for uni, so she's trying to avoid forming a close bond with you by doting on your sister and brother. :confused: My weird theories...feel free to ignore.
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    Oh, for goodness sake. Your mum doesn't hate you; you're a teenage girl and you'll end up fighting with her until you grow up and she calms down. I've been through far worse with my mum and now we have a great relationship, much better than most of my friends do with their parents. You probably think it's all her fault at the moment, but I can guarantee that you're doing things that piss her off too (and she's probably doing the parent-equivalent of going on TSR and *****ing about how awful you are to her). If she's anything like my mum, and she does sound similar, then she probably has a raging fight with you and then cries about it when she thinks no one will see. Cut your mum some slack, be as nice to her as you can and once you're a bit older things will get better.
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    You must live in a pretty strange area. The relationship the OP has with her mum is not normal, and neither is the one you have with yours.
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    (Original post by DominF)
    You must live in a pretty strange area. The relationship the OP has with her mum is not normal, and neither is the one you have with yours.
    No, it's not normal, but it's a long way from the drama-queen representation that teenagers like to give (including myself at that age). And if it was you who neg-repped me (and indeed this applies to whoever it was) then for goodness' sake try reasoned debate rather than thinking that a meaningless system of pretty little green/red dots actually means anything at all. It's just too sad.
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    Well, unfortunately, all those of us who reply to the OPs have to go on is their description. I doubt any of us know the original poster, but if we all assumed the person in question was exaggerating and didn't take her seriously this would be a pretty lousy place to seek help.

    And no, I didn't neg rep you.
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    (Original post by DominF)
    Well, unfortunately, all those of us who reply to the OPs have to go on is their description. I doubt any of us know the original poster, but if we all assumed the person in question was exaggerating and didn't take her seriously this would be a pretty lousy place to seek help.

    Of course it'd be a lousy place to seek help - but it's also important to offer another side to matters than 'oh my God, your mum's a total *****', which seems to be the case here. I remember thinking and feeling similar things to the OP; I've had similar experiences and you know what? You grow up. You realise that yes, maybe you could have helped your mum more around the house. Maybe in the OP's case, she'll realise that her mum is coping badly with loneliness or stress at work (for example). On the other hand, yes, maybe her mum is a ***** (in my personal case I suspect it was six of one and half a dozen of the other). But frankly, if the OP is old enough to recognise that her mum is being unkind to her, she should be old enough to think about why. She should be wondering if maybe her mother favours her younger siblings for a reason - maybe they don't argue back, so they're easier to deal with. Maybe the OP is dreadful to her mother and will realise that when she grows up. In either case, hopefully she's mature enough to wonder if she is causing it and to take the sensible, kinder option and start being deliberately nice to her mother, helping around the house when she's asked and trying to keep her mother company. If her mother rejects this constantly for some time, then fine, she probably is a *****. But what the OP is experiencing is likely to be the result of a teenage girl growing up and colliding emotionally with her mother, which happens to a great deal of young women. The purpose of my post was to make the point that the thread title 'my mum hates me' is highly likely to be inaccurate, and smacks of teenage drama-queen.

    Hence, my advice to the OP is to grow up, start thinking of her mother as a human being rather than her enemy, and to try to alleviate the situation as best she can by taking the moral high ground. I realise that very few teenage girls are capable of this, but it is frankly the only advice that is likely to be useful.

    To be honest, if everyone on TSR immediately assumed that every poster was completely honest, it would also be a lousy place to seek advice because most people simply don't do that. I bet the OP is neglecting to mention the times when she's fought with her mum and it's been her own fault, because people all skew the evidence in their own favour (consciously or not). What reasonable people do, when trying to give advice, is to weigh up what they're being told, try to see the whole picture and advise based on that.
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    I'd keep your job, you don't want to become completely dependent on her and I had a job all through my A levels and was just fine. Yes they're important but make a mature decision and just work extra hard.

    To be honest, you got good enough grades to get into your uni and your mum will know this so you needing money for retakes is just a matter of opinion. If she doesn't think it's important for you to get better grades for the sake of it then she's well within her rights to say no. Encouraging a hobby is another thing entirely.

    You just need to behave a bit more like an adult if you expect to be treated like one. Arguing with her will get you nowhere. Take an interest in her life if you expect her to take an interest in yours, at this stage you should be trying to form a friendship rather than a mother-child relationship.

    Unfortunately all attempts made by me to forge a relationship with my mother only really worked once I moved out. I can't say as I even love her anymore after all that has been said but I maintain a decent relationship for the sake of my younger sister who, incidentally, has had the opportunity of a good relationship with her that was never really available to me. Perhaps, once you get to university and move out things will be different. I know they were for me. Until then, don't cause fights for the sake of rebelling as you dislike her... you really only make life worse for yourself.
 
 
 
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