Pregnant Muslim unmarried in parents eyes
Hello my cupcakes.
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
Reply 1
Tell them. It’s risky I know but you’re their child, they should support you no matter what
Reply 2
I’m not Muslim or pregnant but surely your parents should support their child through hardships?
This is a horrible situation though I’m sorry, good luck
This is a horrible situation though I’m sorry, good luck
Reply 3
ur ****ed, better tell your parents as soon as possible because one day you will need to have that conversation with them
instead of delaying that day
talk now and trust me they will be so angry for the first few months, but by next year they'll be okay and start supporting the baby
trust me
tell them everything, that you had a nikah secretly, he's in prison,
just do it as quick as u can
instead of delaying that day
talk now and trust me they will be so angry for the first few months, but by next year they'll be okay and start supporting the baby
trust me
tell them everything, that you had a nikah secretly, he's in prison,
just do it as quick as u can
Reply 4
I am not muslim or pregnant, and even though you asked for muslim answers I'm going to give you my western one! 
Being pregnant unmarried isn't a taboo here but being pregnant unmarried with a jailed up father is! you managed to skip two completely different cultures and rebel against both hahaha (i'm joking don't take this at heart).
You are now close to becoming a mother, meaning you have to be brave and be ok doing things wayyy outside of your comfort zone (like sucking your babe's buggers with a tube with your mouth at the other end), this is just part of motherhood, telling your parents is gonna bring up that courage earlier, you cannot possibly be ready mentally to bring a child into this world if you aren't ready to take the consequences of your very adult actions.
Your parents might disown yes, but from now on your life will be in function of your baby, not your parents. You will be birthing your baby, feeding your baby, changing diapers, waking up every three hours and raising your child. Your parents aren't! Religiously I can't help you, whatever relationship you have with your deity is only between you and him, no one should get involved.
I hope this at least gave you some comfort! You are a mum in the making, the best thing thats ever happened to you is cooking atm, think of him and make your decisions from now on around his wellbeing!
Being pregnant unmarried isn't a taboo here but being pregnant unmarried with a jailed up father is! you managed to skip two completely different cultures and rebel against both hahaha (i'm joking don't take this at heart).You are now close to becoming a mother, meaning you have to be brave and be ok doing things wayyy outside of your comfort zone (like sucking your babe's buggers with a tube with your mouth at the other end), this is just part of motherhood, telling your parents is gonna bring up that courage earlier, you cannot possibly be ready mentally to bring a child into this world if you aren't ready to take the consequences of your very adult actions.
Your parents might disown yes, but from now on your life will be in function of your baby, not your parents. You will be birthing your baby, feeding your baby, changing diapers, waking up every three hours and raising your child. Your parents aren't! Religiously I can't help you, whatever relationship you have with your deity is only between you and him, no one should get involved.
I hope this at least gave you some comfort! You are a mum in the making, the best thing thats ever happened to you is cooking atm, think of him and make your decisions from now on around his wellbeing!
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 5
I'm not pregnant or married, or have a child for that matter but you said you had a nikah, which your parents may not like but end of the day it is a legitimate marriage (sure you didn't have a witness but you said there were circumstances so it's beyond your control). End of the day, you did not comit zina and the pregnancy is valid and you won't be punished for it by Allah (as far as I know, Allah knows best though)
They won't like it sure, but it's a lot better than having a child outside of marriage or even worse, with a non muslim.
They won't like it sure, but it's a lot better than having a child outside of marriage or even worse, with a non muslim.
Reply 6
I have a lot of Pakistani friends and I know their family also. I know they are very conservative and narrow mindset people but being a parent they will understand your situation. I think you should take them into confidence and decide what to do next. Best of luck dear, I wish every thing going to be fine.
Reply 7
I am a Muslim too unmarried and PREGNANT! I found out not long ago and I literally cry everyday over this little baby inside me knowing that I’ll have to get an abortion, my family are strict they will never help or support in anyway, can’t tell them and baby daddy wants it so bad, he’s supporting me but we don’t follow the same religion which makes it even harder for him to approach my family and marry me. I hop Allah help you and help me and every Muslim, I feel your pain sis but as for someone in the exact situation, I can only say ‘may Allah gives us better’
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
I am a Muslim too unmarried and PREGNANT! I found out not long ago and I literally cry everyday over this little baby inside me knowing that I’ll have to get an abortion, my family are strict they will never help or support in anyway, can’t tell them and baby daddy wants it so bad, he’s supporting me but we don’t follow the same religion which makes it even harder for him to approach my family and marry me. I hop Allah help you and help me and every Muslim, I feel your pain sis but as for someone in the exact situation, I can only say ‘may Allah gives us better’
salam, pm me for advice
Reply 9
20
Original post by Anonymous
I am a Muslim too unmarried and PREGNANT! I found out not long ago and I literally cry everyday over this little baby inside me knowing that I’ll have to get an abortion, my family are strict they will never help or support in anyway, can’t tell them and baby daddy wants it so bad, he’s supporting me but we don’t follow the same religion which makes it even harder for him to approach my family and marry me. I hop Allah help you and help me and every Muslim, I feel your pain sis but as for someone in the exact situation, I can only say ‘may Allah gives us better’
You don't have to have an abortion . If you step outside of the sometimes crazy rules of culture snd religion you will be much happier. What is the benefit of strict culture ? nothing.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
Hello my cupcakes.
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
Hello could u please pm me about how ur situation went as I’m in the same position
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
I am a Muslim too unmarried and PREGNANT! I found out not long ago and I literally cry everyday over this little baby inside me knowing that I’ll have to get an abortion, my family are strict they will never help or support in anyway, can’t tell them and baby daddy wants it so bad, he’s supporting me but we don’t follow the same religion which makes it even harder for him to approach my family and marry me. I hop Allah help you and help me and every Muslim, I feel your pain sis but as for someone in the exact situation, I can only say ‘may Allah gives us better’
Hello, I am in the same position as u. I found out a week ago and everyone including my best friends family and the fathers family will support me but I don’t know how tell my parents. Please pm me to let me know how things are
Reply 12
I’m in a similar situation. I wanted to know, what did you end up doing?
Reply 13
20
Original post by SheWillWalk
I'm not pregnant or married, or have a child for that matter but you said you had a nikah, which your parents may not like but end of the day it is a legitimate marriage (sure you didn't have a witness but you said there were circumstances so it's beyond your control). End of the day, you did not comit zina and the pregnancy is valid and you won't be punished for it by Allah (as far as I know, Allah knows best though)
They won't like it sure, but it's a lot better than having a child outside of marriage or even worse, with a non muslim.
They won't like it sure, but it's a lot better than having a child outside of marriage or even worse, with a non muslim.
What a terrible advert for the noble religion of Islam? "punishment" " wrath of god", "non- muslims". Wow!
Reply 14
1
Original post by Anonymous
Hello my cupcakes.
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
I would prefer if I could receive advice from a Pakistani like me, a Muslim, pregnant woman or someone who has a child etc. This is so I can get advice from someone who can relate.
30 weeks preggers. Muslim. Parents do not know. WORST OF ALL, I am PAKISTANI!! Which makes things 100000 times worse. Okay, so I committed a major sin and between me and my God, I am suffering and repenting. Anyways, lets cut to the chase, baby father is locked up. I am all alone, lost my job due to pregnancy and parents do not know I had a man. We did a nikah without witnesses which people may dispute is not accepted but that is up to Allah. It was due to circumstances. I know it is my fault for opening my legs and I got myself in this position but there is nothing I can do now. What should I do as either I will be disowned or god knows what.
My family are religious and I live in accommodation but the tenancy of that runs out soon. Going to be homeless and money are both other issues but what can I do with the situation family wise.
Thanks!
Hello please help, I am 22 weeks pregnant and married secretly with niqah but i had witnesses. My parents don’t know anything, i’m so scared, idk what to do if i should terminate or ?? i’m so scared to be disowned
Reply 15
1
Hello please help, I am 22 weeks pregnant andmarried secretly with niqah but i had witnesses. Myparents don’t know anything, i’m so scared, idkwhat to do if i should terminate or ?? i’m so scared to be disowned
Reply 16
I am going to be very honest here:
It all comes down to how strict your parents are, whether they grew up in this country, and how embedded they are in the 'community' and their standing within it.
If they are very strict, care about what everyone says, then they are likely to disown you for bringing shame in them. You are unmarried (they will not recognise your nikkah because it was not witnessed by 2 Muslim men), you are pregnant and the man is a convicted criminal in jail. For them, this may be one of the worse things you could have done. The only way for them to save face is to cast you out.
If they grew up in the UK, are more liberal and don't care what other people think, they will support you through this but the convicted criminal father of their grandchild will be very difficult to overcome always (this is true regardless of whether you are Pakistani or English).
It depends on the Pakistani society you are from. Regular Pakistani society would shun you but in high society in Pakistan with your parents support, you'll just be a topic of gossip and the issue will be the father of the child being a convicted criminal. No one wants this for their child. How is he going to support you?
I think you said you are 30 weeks pregnant, you have left it very late to get support, sometimes people need time but you are giving them an ultimatum, which never goes down well.
I am not sure why you lost your job but you need to get another one ( working from home?), so you can support you and your baby if you font have your parents for help. You chose to have this baby, it's your responsibility to do the best for that baby.
Finally, chat rooms are helpful for advice but this is very serious and you need to speak to a trusted relative or family friend.
Good luck.
It all comes down to how strict your parents are, whether they grew up in this country, and how embedded they are in the 'community' and their standing within it.
If they are very strict, care about what everyone says, then they are likely to disown you for bringing shame in them. You are unmarried (they will not recognise your nikkah because it was not witnessed by 2 Muslim men), you are pregnant and the man is a convicted criminal in jail. For them, this may be one of the worse things you could have done. The only way for them to save face is to cast you out.
If they grew up in the UK, are more liberal and don't care what other people think, they will support you through this but the convicted criminal father of their grandchild will be very difficult to overcome always (this is true regardless of whether you are Pakistani or English).
It depends on the Pakistani society you are from. Regular Pakistani society would shun you but in high society in Pakistan with your parents support, you'll just be a topic of gossip and the issue will be the father of the child being a convicted criminal. No one wants this for their child. How is he going to support you?
I think you said you are 30 weeks pregnant, you have left it very late to get support, sometimes people need time but you are giving them an ultimatum, which never goes down well.
I am not sure why you lost your job but you need to get another one ( working from home?), so you can support you and your baby if you font have your parents for help. You chose to have this baby, it's your responsibility to do the best for that baby.
Finally, chat rooms are helpful for advice but this is very serious and you need to speak to a trusted relative or family friend.
Good luck.
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