Help with violent girlfriend

Hi, i am in first year of uni, have been dating a girl since the start of fresher, it going well i really like her and she likes me and we are perfect majority of the time and she makes me happy. However there have two or three instances where when she is angry goes get really violent and starts throwing things around and breaking things and even punches me (but only lightly).

However yesterday was different, she found a photo of me kissing a girl on my phone and thought i was cheating (but the photo was during fresher when we were not together, so i wasn't cheating) and she took a complete range and started punching me (this time it hurt cause she was really angry) and she started trowing things at me and shouting why did i cheat on her, after i explained to her the story, she started cried for like a hour and apologies profusely.

I get where she is coming from cause she was hurt, so i was wondering what other people do when your girlfriend gets angry (this is my first relationship so i don't know 'hacks' of the relationship). Like is there a way of calming her down?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

sorry i meant to say 'dating a girl since the start of uni'

Reply 2

Trinculo

If this is real, the solution is so obvious it need not be stated.

Reply 3

Emi_x

Original post by Anonymous

Have you talked to her about this?

Reply 4

UWS

You tell her you don't like the way she hits you when she's angry, explain that there's easier ways to resolve things such as talking things through. It's up to her to change, maybe she has anger issues that she needs to fix.

Reply 5

StriderHort

No, you just leave, because they are violently abusive and will remain so.

in maybe 10-15 relationships I've never been punched, had things thrown at me or had my stuff smashed, it's not normal.

Reply 6

Decipher

She might be the crazy type, who gets easily angry over really small petty things. There are also some girls who think even the slightest contact with another female is a sign that your cheating with her. IMO see how things go if you really like her then maybe she will come to understand that your faithful but if things only get worse and she just get jealous and angry and especially violent i would end the relationship. However the downside is that you now have a crazy ex girlfriend who wants you dead..........so your basically f**cked xD.

Reply 7

Drewski

Possibly somewhere on the bipolar spectrum?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Emi_x

Have you talked to her about this?

she starts crying when ever i confront her about it and apologizes about it. I think she is truly sorry about it but she just can't control her anger

Reply 9

Max&Mindset

Original post by Trinculo

If this is real, the solution is so obvious it need not be stated.

Yes it is obvious, no need for breakup. He stated it himself, he is happy with her, why end a relationship due to a few bumps and bruises. If you get one bad essay mark do you immediately give up and look for an alternative career... Of course not, you keep working on it and hopefuly see improvements in the future. Were the relationship to continue being an abusive, violent one, then a breakup would be more reasonable.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 10

AlkynesOfTruble

Posting about me on an online forum? YOU JUST WAIT. I WON'T JUST STICK TO PUNCHES THIS TIME.

Reply 11

Decipher

Original post by Anonymous

she starts crying when ever i confront her about it and apologizes about it. I think she is truly sorry about it but she just can't control her anger

Have you spoke to her about anger management, that might be what she need to deal with.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by StriderHort

No, you just leave, because they are violently abusive and will remain so.

in maybe 10-15 relationships I've never been punched, had things thrown at me or had my stuff smashed, it's not normal.

The thing i enjoying being with her other 98% of the time. She is genuinely nice person in the heart

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by TastyChicken

I am happy that you understand i don't want to breakup with her, i just want to work on this relationship because i really do like this girl and she really likes me back.

Reply 14

Max&Mindset

Original post by Anonymous

I am happy that you understand i don't want to breakup with her, i just want to work on this relationship because i really do like this girl and she really likes me back.

I would advice talking it out with her then. It’s obvious so see that she likes you back, taking into consideration her “angry” reaction to thinking that you were cheating. However, if the issue persists then you should definitely consider moving on and explaining to her your emotions and problems within the relationship.

Reply 15

Emi_x

Original post by Anonymous

she starts crying when ever i confront her about it and apologizes about it. I think she is truly sorry about it but she just can't control her anger

It sounds like she might need some sort of help. This isn't normal behaviour. She's obviously very distressed about it herself and it is clearly distressing for you to have to deal with, so you should encourage her to seek help for it.

Reply 16

Emi_x

Original post by Anonymous

she starts crying when ever i confront her about it and apologizes about it. I think she is truly sorry about it but she just can't control her anger

Also it's not okay for her to be physically abusing you, regardless of any emotional problems she is having, and you should tell her this.

Reply 17

JTfoxlove

Neither of your genders matter - this is abuse - I'd wave goodbye.

She needs to get help - you need to get out.

Reply 18

ThatOldGuy

Original post by Anonymous

The thing i enjoying being with her other 98% of the time. She is genuinely nice person in the heart

Okay. Let's flip this. What advice would you give your mother if her boyfriend only hit her 2% of the time?

Reply 19

Sammylou40

Original post by Anonymous

The thing i enjoying being with her other 98% of the time. She is genuinely nice person in the heart

She may be a genuinely nice person for the majority of the time.
She is violent and controlling the rest.
It is not normal and it will escalate.
Call it what you want. It’s abuse and it’s not acceptable.
She needs professional help to sort it. It’s up to you to decide if you want to stay with her but if you look at the facts it’s not a good idea.
Started with light punches?
Now she hurts
You want to stick around til she picks up a knife?
Of course she cries and is sorry. It’s how an abuser controls their victim. It’s to make you feel guilty and in the wrong. Now you’re sorry for making her angry.
The best thing you can do is encourage her to seek help, wish her well and walk away.