My Boyfriend Doesn't Believe She Doesn't Want More

Ok, I know that he will know as soon as he reads this... lets just hope he doesnt read this.

Basically, a few weeks ago me and my boyfriend went on a break, and he met this girl through his cousin. They got on really well, and at first I was really jealous and then I got over it. They're just friends. Then a few weeks later he went to stay near her (they live in different cities) and went to her house party (without his cousin) and I found this really weird, but I got over it too eventually. Then last week, I was back in my home town (where he is) from uni and I had called him on the phone really upset, and he was in this other city having a night out, which was cool. But then it turns out the next day that he was in our hometown, with her, camping. His excuse for not seeing me was that he wanted to start afresh on the saturday (as we had discussed) and didnt want to have our first night back together in a tent. I told him that I didnt actually want to be with him because the way he had treated me... I was just so angry.

I've decided since then that I want to get back with him, give it another shot etc, but I can't get over this girl. He claims they are just friends, but the other night when she went round to his with his cousin, she put her head on his chest when they were watching a film, and both his cousin and other friends have tried to get them together. It just bugs me how I seem to be completely forgotten in all this. Am I being stupid or does it sound like there is something going on with them?

P.S. If you do read this... I'm sorry, but I'm sure you'll be expecting this

Reply 1

Sanity Panda

It doesn't matter if she has feelings for your boyfriend. What matters is that your boyfriend wants to be with you. Does he?

Reply 2

Keoje

Anonymous

Basically, a few weeks ago me and my boyfriend went on a break, and he met this girl through his cousin. They got on really well, and at first I was really jealous and then I got over it. They're just friends. Then a few weeks later he went to stay near her (they live in different cities) and went to her house party (without his cousin) and I found this really weird, but I got over it too eventually. Then last week

I find these in-bold bits worrying. Maybe move on?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Indeed he does. I just want him to get over himself a realise that this girl wants him and he needs to maybe put a bit of distance between them to stop her getting hurt!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Keoje

I find these in-bold bits worrying. Maybe move on?

Ok maybe my timescale is a bit off. We had a mutual break about a month ago (with full intentions of getting back together) and he's seen her every week since then.... but we've both continuously had every intention of getting back together until I just got really angry at him about the camping trip

Reply 5

Keoje

Perhaps you could just tell him face-to-face or on the phone that: That him and that girl make you [insert appropiate words here] and you would like to know what is going on between you two at the moment etc?

Reply 6

mollymustard

You need to speak to him about it, theres no other way you can solve the problem.
It does sound like this girl is into your boyfriend and he obviously knows this, especially if people have been trying to set them up.

Just explain to him that if he wants any chance of getting back with you then he must stop seeing her as much because she clearly fancies him.
You are perfectly entitled to tell him exactly what you have told us. The thing is, you also have to accept that you two are on a break at the moment so he can pretty much do what he wants even if you were supposed to be getting back togther at some point. At the end of the day its your jealousy that is making you irritated with him.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I've already spoken to him, but he just demands that they're still friends and nothing more. I've told him to stop letting her do these things because even his auntie thinks that they're going out. I know we are technically on a break, but he constantly tells me that he misses me, and that he wants us back together, we were going out for 2 and a half years before this too. I just want him to stop, but OI can't tell him to do that because I'm not a total bitch!

Reply 8

Keoje

Did you include the part about telling him he's making you feel like there's no "we" anymore?

I still say you move on...

Reply 9

Sanity Panda

I'm tempted to say let it go...

There's seriously nothing you can do about it, you can't really change him either. Why worry about something you can't control?

Perhaps they really are just friends, but that doesn't really stop the flirtious nature of their friendship which makes you uncomfortable. Let the other girl know?

Reply 10

Ang|ophi|e

Give the relationship a chance and get back with him that way it's clear that its a relationship and not a break type of thing. After this, talk to him telling him that you feel uncomfortable about them being friends. Ask him to not see her for a while or even better to stop. If he objects to that, count it as one strike to him. If he promises he'll stop but goes behind your back, count that as a second strike. If you guys argue over it, count it as a strike. Basically three strikes he's out.

A real boyfriend would notice how its upsetting you and would try to make you feel better instead of insisting that they are just friends. If he doesn't try to make you feel better, regardless of being with him for so long, end it. It'll save you a lot of pain.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Oh dear, I was clearing out my subscribed folder and stumbled across this. I thought an update was needed on it. A few weeks later we split up completely, as he 100% refused to introduce us, and I told him I needed him to stop seeing her for a week, which he refused to do. This happened exactly 5 months tomorrow. A week after we split up, he started seeing her. A month after we split up, he slept with me. 4 months on from that, he's STILL with her, and STILL hasn't told her. Men can be complete [insert banned word here] sometimes!