I wanna be a guy but i dont want surgery. So what am i

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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
I like it when people misgender me.(quite rarely) but am okay with being called a girl.(I guess) I like to dress masculine and i got my hair cut short. I like it when its hard to see curvs through my clothes. And i hate showers since i see myself. I dont want surgery.(mostly for the pain) So whats wrong?If anything.
Badges: 20
Report 3 years ago
Surgery is not a requirement of being trans, but the vast majority get top surgery if they are able (e.g. financially etc) as it helps with their dysphoria. One of my friends is a trans man, and hasn't yet been able to get top surgery (he lives in the US so, insurance only partially covers it), and despite it actually not being a "tell" in any way (even with his shirt off, he doesn't look to have breasts at all anyway, due to having very small ones and being moderately athletic), experiences severe dysphoria about them and cannot wait to get it done. The potential "pain" involved is nothing for him (and every other trans person I've spoken to) compared to the continued psychic anguish of gender dysphoria - they are literally unable to live in their bodies as they are, and the surgery is not merely a "cosmetic" effect to allow them to "pass", but to specifically remedy this dysphoria.

If you don't experience dysphoria about specific sex linked body characteristics, then you may rather be non-binary (or "genderqueer", a label used by some, although many prefer nb or gender non-conforming/gnc). If your dislike of body characteristics is general, rather than specifically with regard to sex linked characteristics, then you may also/rather have some variation of body dysmoprhic disorder - which can present in a variety of ways.

Being trans, based on the experiences of friends invariably admits and necessitates the recognition of a gender binary by the individual, and involves dysphoria. This is not the same as being non-binary, and the two are more or less by definition mutually exclusive ("gender non-conforming" is something of a catchall that includes both however). Tumblr, in it's infinite wisdom (/sarcasm) conflates the two consistently, which is ultimately damaging for both identities as it means people who are nb try to seek assistance in medically transitioning (usually in good faith, I would note) but, as they aren't trans, decide quickly they don't want to do that. This then makes it harder for trans people to get the help they need in this regard as more and more stringent requirements are imposed to ensure people don't undertake an irreversible transition which may actually then cause them to experience dysphoria after transitioning.

It is important then to recognise both identities individually and realise they have different needs and desires with regard to their identities and how they are treated in that regard (beyond the basic "treat equitably as any human being", although that is something that seems to be very hard to achieve for in actuality a majority of people who are defined as being "minorities" by a certain group).

Essentially, if you don't experience dysphoria linked to body characteristics specific to the female sex specifically, and don't have dysphoria triggered by being misgendered, but just like wearing what is deemed masculine clothing and having masculine hair cuts, you may find nonbinary a more accurate identity to represent how you feel (or you may even simply find you identify as a cis woman who just has particular tastes in your personal style). If you experience some form of dysphoria at your body, but it is not linked to specifically female sex characteristics (breasts, genitals, lack of body hair/odour, etc) then you may have body image issues outside of gender identity concerns (which may go up to and include the logical extreme of body dysmoprhic disorder).

For the latter case, and if you are unsure if you are trans, I would recommend speaking with your GP about these matters. If after discussing the body dysphoria and whether that is linked to sexual characteristics and gender identity you do reasonably believe you may be trans, it would be worth discussing whether you wish to transition and what is involved in that. Your doctor will be able to discuss it in more detail, and refer you to specialists to explain the processes; importantly, they will highlight the fact it is, in effect, a one way street - taking HRT causes irreversible changes in the body after a certain point, and if you are not completely certain you want to transition in one "direction" and one direction only, then that would more or less by definition indicate you are not trans (and as above, may well suggest you are nonbinary).

I would clarify I'm cis, and thus don't experience dypshoria - my comments regarding it are drawn from friends who are trans have told me or otherwise commented on. But the general impression I've gotten, is there was never any question for them of being trans; they pretty much knew forever, and it had some terrible consequences for their mental health and wellbeing until they were able to remedy it by transitioning and eventually getting (or planning to get, or wishing for) surgery after undergoing HRT.

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