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Bulimic tendencies really bad around exam season

Hiya,

I'm just looking for advice really. I suffer with a purging disorder anyways (not diagnosed, just seems to fit with my relationship with eating) and purge usually once or twice a day, but it develops more into bulimic-style tendencies when I'm stressed.

So, usually, I don't binge but I find myself switching between intense restriction and fasting to crazy binges where I literally feel I can't control myself over exam time. I'm currently doing my A-Levels and this is the absolute worst it has ever been, despite struggling with it on and off for about 6 years.

I'm literally feeling shaky and weak all of the time, I just want to cry and I feel so guilty after eating - food and purging is all I can focus on. It's really distracting me and making the stress of these exams worse.

My family and my friends have no idea I struggle with this, and my weight fits in the 'healthy' range for BMI so doctors wouldn't diagnose me w/ bulimia or take me seriously because I don't fit into the diagnosis constraints.

I just really don't know what to do. I have 4 more days of exams left and I just want to get through them. It doesn't help I need A*AA/AAA to get into my first/second choice unis and I think the pressure is making my ED worse.

If you have any experience, or advice (specifically short term advice to get me through this week) then please share it.

Thank you so much X
Reply 1
I've been exactly where you are before with concentrating on food to the point where your exams suffer. I would say that if you can you should try and visit your school/collage counselor and talk these issues through with them as they may be able to give you the advice you need. I know it can be intimidating at first but it will be so worth it. Also next year maybe you should visit your uni counselor before exam season begins so that you can get some coping strategies so that you aren't in the same position again.Hope your exams go well and you start to get better soon. x
Reply 2
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now! Anxiety, stress, and putting extreme pressure on ourselves can definitely make the binge/purge cycle much worse. Essentially, it is our way of trying to control all the chaos in our lives!
Short term, I would maybe practice some breathing techniques to help reduce the stress and anxiety. I would suggest giving yourself some time of rest, even if just for a couple of hours so you can refocus and let some of the anxiety go. Nature is a great place to be to reduce stress and anxiety!
Long term, however, you should seek help. Often times, bulimics, are within their normal weight, but it doesn't mean you are healthy. Bulimia is a mental illness per se and needs to be treated as such. I would definitely talk to your doctor and start seeing a therapist. This will not go away on it's own. You have to understand what's driving the behavior and gain new tools to help you deal with your negative feelings, anxiety, stress, etc. Don't be ashamed to reach out to family and friends. I know that it is scary to do that, but you do need their help and support in the recovery journey! it is nothing to be embarrassed about. You don't need to hide it or walk this journey alone. Once it is out in the open, you can be more accountable, and the guilt and shame won't have such a hold over you anymore! I know how hard and scary being in this cycle is. I have been there many times, but am on the road to recovery. Therapy and support has been the most essential thing in my recovery process. Wishing you the best!
Reply 3
I was diagnosed with Bulimia in June '17 and I was a normal weight at the time. My lowest weight was only 7st13lb at 5'6", which is hardly seriously underweight. I find it helpful to try and cut down in the same way that I am cutting down with cigarrettes. In December I was b/p 2-3 times a day, now I'm doing it 1-2 times every couple of weeks. Try your very best to cut down and eventually quit. I know of someone who nearly died of a stroke due to bulimia. I feel very ill when I am doing it all the time. I feel drained, my skin goes yellow-white, I get heart palpatations, my teeth are kind of see-through at the bottom now, I feel very anxious all the time etc. It doesn't actually make you lose weight if you're b/p; some of the kcal are absorbed in the stomach and you'd be lucky if you got 50% of it up. If you do it for a very long time and then quit - it can make your metabolism very sluggish. I reccommend only buying food daily and in small amounts so that you cannot binge. You need to try and figure out what is driving it. For me, it started because I was fat and a guy I liked wasn't interested in me so I started b/p and starving myself in between as a way to lose weight. It also feels like a way to gain control as I have very controlling parents. Now I do it when I'm depressed (it's a coping mechanism), sometimes when manic (I see it as a fun and pleasurable activity without recognising the risks and when I'm very frustrated/angry. Make an appointment with your GP and get referred to a psychiatrist. They can offer you psychology or give you a high dose (60mg) of Fluoxetine, both of which help with Bulimia. I wasn't allowed Fluoxetine due to the fear that it would make me high as a kite and I'm still on the waiting list for psychology. I have very strong urges and still struggle with my self-esteem, however I'm managing to keep control of the steering wheel 90% of the time. In all honesty, I'm not too worried as I'm only doing it 1-2 times every two weeks.
I suffer from the same kind of problems... Honestly I'd just say try to stay hydrated and nourished though exam season and don't worry if you are purging, you should speak to someone when your exams are over

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