Sexual Attraction

For years i've always struggled with understanding sexual attraction. I haven't been in a relationship or hooked up with anyone so i have very little personal experience with this.

I've always thought that you can physically feel sexual attraction, like in shows and movies it always looks like there's a physical force pulling two people towards each other. I know that's just for the drama etc, but that's what lust seems to be - wanting to be with someone so much you want to get closer and closer to the other person.

I've never experienced any feelings like this, which is why i've had a lot of asexual panics over the years. When i go on dates i can talk and have a nice time, but essentially i felt nothing.

But is sexual attraction something that you mainly feel once you actually start being intimate? Like do you look at someone you like and feel nothing, but then when you start being physical that's when the sexual attraction happens?

Thanks. I would just really love other people's views and experiences on attraction.

maybe ur asexual?

Original post by Anonymous

maybe ur asexual?

Yes... which is why i am asking the question. I'm confused and would love to know other people's experiences.

Reply 3

Joleee

sexual attraction isn't just physical. maybe you're just hanging out with really boring dudes?

Reply 4

Macourley

As someone who is autistic, it took me a long time to understand this exact question. With my experience it took the right person to trigger that part of me. Once I found that everything for into place. I went most of my life feeling nothing for people in that way, but once I got to know my current girlfriend, I started to feel sexually attracted to her. I am demi sexual which means I don't experience sexual attraction until after I have developed an emotional connection with someone. Maybe you are in a similar boat?

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

Real life is not like Hollywood movies. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

Best way to understand romatic attraction is to dive in and get some experience for yourself.

So dive in. The water's lovely.

Reply 6

Brocolli123

Could be asexual, do you masturbate? If you are you can still be with someone but just not have to do anything sexual

Reply 7

Sarah04H

Original post by Brocolli123

Could be asexual, do you masturbate? If you are you can still be with someone but just not have to do anything sexual

That's the strange thing. I want to be in a sexual relationship but i've never met anyone i've physically felt attraction for.

But i don't know what/how i'm supposed to feel when i meet someone i like.

Reply 8

Sarah04H

Original post by Macourley

Thank you. I don't think i'm demi - i know i need to trust the person before but i don't think that's related to the attraction part.

I just don't really understand how people actually 'feel' when they experience sexual attraction. I don't know if it's more physical or emotional. Or if people feel nothing and just want to act on the desire of being with that person...

Reply 9

Brocolli123

Original post by Sarah04H

I've felt physical attraction to people but actually having them right next to me and the thought actually doing things with them makes me feel uncomfortable. I think that's to do with more my trust barrier being so high though that I couldn't imagine letting people in. There may still be one who you do find attractive.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Sarah04H

I've always thought that you can physically feel sexual attraction, like in shows and movies it always looks like there's a physical force pulling two people towards each other. I know that's just for the drama etc, but that's what lust seems to be - wanting to be with someone so much you want to get closer and closer to the other person.

Sexual attraction isn't a physical thing... you can't feel it. You don't feel drawn to the person, or anything like that. Some people do indeed feel compelled to make physical contact - touching arms, hands, 'physical flirting' - but that's not universal, nor is it solely (or even partly, sometimes) a product of so-called 'sexual attraction'.

It's all in the mind. Simply the thought that you'd like to be intimate with them.

Reply 11

Sarah04H

Original post by Brocolli123

Thank you

I relate to that - i think my trust barrier is very high too. And maybe that's just making me feel more awkward and uncomfortable about the thought of being with someone than anything else.

Reply 12

Sarah04H

Original post by Anonymous

If you're right then that makes me feel so much better :smile:

I've had dates with people who were really nice and attractive, but i thought i was supposed to feel something physical, or a desire to want to be closer to them.

If it's simply a thought then hopefully i'm panicking over nothing.