Do you ever feel like a bit of a salve to your mum/dad?

So I get it. College just finished and I’m expected to do house work that’s cool I understand. But it’s been like this even before I finished college for summer.

I pay £170 a month to my mum to be living with her in this two bedroom flat.

I’d make my mum and I a meal. I have to do dishes. I buy dinner, I have to make it, I have to clean it. No questions asked.

She gets up to get ready for work at about 8am and gets me up with her bu putting every radio at full. Shows me all the dishes she’s left from last night and says clean them, take my sheets off my bed and wash them and put the current load out to dry and then I want you to clean the sofa dust the stairs get all the carpets clean, clean the bathroom and kitchen etc; but this is every day, everyday to the point it’s the only thing I do 8-4pm on my own every. Single. Day. I wake up and want to cry when I see the mess of the place because I make it lovely and clean by the afternoon for her to come in from work and just use every bloody plate in the cupboard and spill crumbs absolutely everywhere in the living room and demand I make her food for her. I bet she works, but this is me working too. It drains me having to clean up after someone like this none stop.

I completely understand I have to do housework as I’m home every day that’s the inevitable, but it’s the fact she actually can’t pick one single thing up after herself.

I can’t even confront her about this because I know I’ll get thrown out.

Any advice?

Reply 1

TheYearNiner

It's simple. If you feel unhappy staying at home then move out. It's not hard, save some money or go with friends etc.

Reply 2

TheYearNiner

Btw you may love your mum but she is lazy for acting like that. Doesn't mean u should stop loving her

Reply 3

charlotte2903

Original post by TheYearNiner

It's simple. If you feel unhappy staying at home then move out. It's not hard, save some money or go with friends etc.

I’ve definitely thought of that but I don’t want to offend her. Plus this flat is going to be mine when she decides to move again so I don’t want to put that to waste.

Reply 4

TheYearNiner

Original post by charlotte2903

I’ve definitely thought of that but I don’t want to offend her. Plus this flat is going to be mine when she decides to move again so I don’t want to put that to waste.

Ok then just tell her how you're feeling because you only have 1 mum (yes some parents are gay but I assume yours are heterosexual) and when she does you can't speak to her again.

Even if she gets angry and says stuff to you it's better than saying nothing and growing up with guilt or feeling like a coward. Atleast let her know ur feelings

Reply 5

DrawTheLine

Original post by charlotte2903

Have you tried getting a job for the summer so you aren't at home every day? When you're working you can then say to her "now that we are both working I think we should divide up the chores more evenly as I don't have as much time anymore".

Reply 6

the bear

i try to smooth things over and take the sting out of confrontations, so, yes you could call me a salve i guess :h:

Reply 7

bones-mccoy

Are you living with your mum or a child? At the moment it sounds like the latter

I'm in a similar situation with my partner - he works full time and I'm not working at the moment. I spend a decent amount of time every day making sure the house is clean and tidy which I absolutely have no problem with, but he actually appreciates the fact that I clean. He doesn't leave mess everywhere and is more than capable of tidying up after himself. It's called being an adult.

I know it's your mum's house so her rules blah blah blah but it's not fair on you essentially being a live-in maid. Is there a way you could mention about her just not making as much as a mess? Using a plate is a given but getting crumbs everywhere is incredibly easy not to do. If I were you, I'd get a job so she can't use the "I'm out at work all day, you're here doing nothing" excuse and you can earn your own money.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Ugh my mum is exactly the same!
I'm up at 6 every morning, an hour before mum leaves. I have to get me and my brothers up, breakfasted, dressed and ready to go to school. The younger brother (9) goes in at 8:30, the older (16) goes in at 8:45 and their schools are literally across the road from each other. It takes me 2 hours to get to the bus, drop the 9 year old, and get back to the house.
She leaves a list of stuff that needs to be done, usually about a dozen things, and there are some that I have to do every day, like dishes, hoovering, food shop, laundry, general tidying, and then other stuff depending on what's going on at the time like putting together flatpacks, fixing various broken things around the house, de-weeding the garden, getting the spare bedroom ready when we have guests, ect.
I need to get that all done, then go pick up my brothers from school. Once I've got 9yo, I've got to bring him home, get my work done, help him get his homework done, finish anything I didn't do earlier, cook dinner for all three of us and mum, clean up after the dinner stuff, put the boys to bed, and then wait for the dishwasher to finish and unload it before I can go to bed. Mum gets in at 6 and all of this stuff needs to be done or I get an earful and any complaints she says she works 9 to 5, 5 days a week and asking her to do any more than she already does is asking too much. I would complain but I'm living with her to save on uni costs and if I say a word I won't hear the end of it!