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Some issues with my Asian parent

When I say parent didn't mean my parents divorced or something although I hope they do after I finishing my uni.

I have a lovely mum and grandparents and aunties from her side is amazing.
But my dad has turned into a night mare ever since I left home and went to a boarding school after yr 6, that he stopped to pretend he cares about family or cares about me. Apparently my mum scented something wrong and nasty about him.

3 years ago he got a chance to work in UK which basically thanks to my mum has the network but she couldn't work here because she doesn't speak English. My mum strongly asked me and my dad to let me go to highschool here (so that I could go to a way way way better uni with the same amount of hard working... you know) and the other reason is that otherwise who knows which 'family' my dad is going to spend money on.

The real struggle starts a few months after I moved here. I started my life with quick adaption to here and make friends and everything seems going smooth and I thought I could blend in well. However my dad's been here already an yr, he used to say how he's the one of the best Chinese staffs in that company but now I found he totally exaggerated it and in some family parties I even worried about if he was the one that even Chinese coworkers pretended to like just because of politeness. He did complained subtle or not that he doesn't like British this and that which inevitably has some impact on me, I started to feel intimidated when speaking in English worrying of my accent and lost self-confidence because I kind of felt different I feel like I screw things up just like my father and I feel everyone walk past me while laughing or make noise is on me. Plus he always says children do not have their own life they are a part of their parents' before they can make money as a reason of controlling.

I went to a private school and my father has high salary but he stoles my mum's money even as small as 50 quids note. The prom this year majority of girls in my year got their make up&hair done professionally, when I asked my dad I want to do mine in a salon he sad no because I AM A CHINESE KID I AM NOT SUPPOSE TO DO THESE. I wasn't even allowed to have a part time job so the only money I got from is what's so called pocket money from him and the money is so less that what left couldn't afford do my make up professionally. So I did my makeup at home, he was watching some anti-Japanese war movie and I asked him if he could seat to another sofa so that I can use the mirror in the living room to do my makeup. He made a noise with contempt and ignored me(which I wouldn't be surprised as he once chased me running shout&swear in public for I don't want fight with him and left for school without waiting for him, and it was in Britain). I did enjoyed my prom with the ￡4.5k dress my mum bought me lol, when she has way less salary than my dad while my dad punish me 10 ponds every time when I forgot to turn a light off.

I sometimes feel like my life is ruined by him and my mum helped me out when I was thinking of suicide. The suicide thing later my father knows, he cared about it for a week or two then he even blame me on having weak mentality upon this issue every time when I asked him to be less loud when I was carrying out intensive exam revising.
He basically have no respect to me or my mum but he got mad every like I was eating and couldn't talk that couldn't respond for a second.

He had a very bad fight with me last very important exam eve promised I couldn't get higher than D in that subject.
I knew how important it is for me to get in to my 1st or 2nd choice of Uni outside of this city so that I can escape from here. I had way too much pressure on me and I don't feel secure at all about going to those 2 Unis. There is no chance he would spend a penny on a gap year and my mom couldn't afford it neither although my parents had a contract that the cost in the last a few years and any cost in China is covered by my mom and the cost the cost in UK is paid by him, but since I'm 18 he could just leave me not going to a college or send me back to China doing the hopeless Gaokao exam that I have never done the 3-year course before.
I don't want to be in any position that his money speaks but I am feeling really hopeless, I even started to doubt if these years moved here worth my mental health damage or not.
If you ever run across him(with you don't) please don't judge the group of Chinese, he is just the most rude people in know, all my friends back in China are nice and helpful.

Some helpful comment rather than comment on somebody that cannot be changed will be much appreciated :smile:

Reply 1

Zaspo

I am really sorry that this is happening to you and you should try to talk to someone who you trust and will listen to you. You can try to get a part time job and tell him that you stay at a friends house so he wouldn't know that you are working.