Am I acting clingy?

so me and boyfriend has a fight over some silly topic where we were talking and I was asking him questions. Apparently the thing i asked him made him feel like i was trying to find out something from him. long story short whenever we argue its never ending i want to talk about it where he just wants to have space and that bothers me especially when i can know we can just talk it over and get over it. whenever he wants space i find it harder to give it to him which always results him in being more angry with him. he always says i dont listen to him and dont respect his wishes. I know i need to change this behaviour . Plus whenever we have a conversation over a text he doesnt seem too eager to talk i am the one who talks alot i feel like where his answers r very limited but in person we just talk normal i feel like i acting very interested in everything and i feel like i need to cool down. i feel like i take things very seriously and i feel i am not a laid back person. we have been together for 3 years if that helps.

Reply 1

sonny.jim

14

Tough situation, pal. There are many ways you can deal with it.

1. Tell him how you feel. Ask him whether he feels as though you're too clingy. Get a straight and honest answer, then act upon it together.
2. Ask for a break. Spend some time apart and then come back to your relationship with renewed energy. 3 years? Damn, no wonder he needs space.
3. Act upon it and give him some space. Sounds as if you're two very different people who need time to recalibrate. Take some time to yourself and relax. Go on a phone detox if you can. Treat yourself. Then come back to him and see how it is.

That's my advice. Hope it helps. Message me if you want.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

You need to try different approaches. Leave him to cool off

Reply 3

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Anonymous

so me and boyfriend has a fight over some silly topic where we were talking and I was asking him questions. Apparently the thing i asked him made him feel like i was trying to find out something from him. long story short whenever we argue its never ending i want to talk about it where he just wants to have space and that bothers me especially when i can know we can just talk it over and get over it. whenever he wants space i find it harder to give it to him which always results him in being more angry with him. he always says i dont listen to him and dont respect his wishes. I know i need to change this behaviour . Plus whenever we have a conversation over a text he doesnt seem too eager to talk i am the one who talks alot i feel like where his answers r very limited but in person we just talk normal i feel like i acting very interested in everything and i feel like i need to cool down. i feel like i take things very seriously and i feel i am not a laid back person. we have been together for 3 years if that helps.

It sounds like both of you can change your behaviour slightly.

"whenever we argue its never ending i want to talk about it where he just wants to have space". Whenever I argue with my boyfriend, I like to take an hour or so to just be away from him and cool down a bit. I can get quite worked up in the heat of the moment. It's fine to take space after an argument, so you need to respect this and accept it. It's probably good for you too. However, there has to be a limit on the space. I would say no more than half a day, depending on how serious the fight is. A fight will never get resolved if you never talk it over. So, after you have both cooled down and had time to think, then go back to each other and tell all your emotions. Let one of you speak first and get it all out, and then the other one does the same. Then you can come up with a solution.

"he always says i dont listen to him and dont respect his wishes". There's a reason he's saying he feels like this. Talk to him and find out why, and what he means by it. You need to find out when he feels like you aren't listening, and what wishes he feels are being ignored. Then when you know and it's clear what he feels, you can begin to fix it. Communication is key in relationships, and you need to communicate everything clearly, especially emotions as neither of you are mind readers

"whenever we have a conversation over a text he doesnt seem too eager to talk i am the one who talks alot i feel like where his answers r very limited but in person we just talk normal". Some people just don't like texting and would rather speak in person, that could be just who he is. My boyfriend can be the same, and often if I want to have a good conversation with him, we need to video call to get him to speak. Try to phone each other when possible instead of having entire conversations over text.

Am I acting clingy?

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