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Constantly being compared to my friend, and I hate it.
I am always being compared to one of my best friends at school, and I always feel that everything is a huge competition between us. We've had the same friend group and grades and "hobbies" for years.
It sounds really petty and stupid, but I'm sure some people here will be able to relate. I'm just sick of her trying to beat me and take everything away from me. Whenever I make new friends, she'll always try to become friends with them too. If we're going out, she'll spend hours getting ready so that she can look the best, whereas I'll take 20 minutes. If we have an exam or something, she'll do tons of work, (then lie and say she's done none) and then brag about getting a few points more than me, when I don't really try, or if I do, I admit it.
She always shows off about stuff that no-one cares about, and always puts down any guys that I like or who like me. She moans about how her life is so stressful, and how she's so much busier than me, when everything she does is a choice, and so she shouldn't do it if she hasn't the time/energy!
I know I sound pathetic but it's really infuriating and I want to kill her. Basically.
Has anyone else had a friend like this? Tips..?!
It sounds really petty and stupid, but I'm sure some people here will be able to relate. I'm just sick of her trying to beat me and take everything away from me. Whenever I make new friends, she'll always try to become friends with them too. If we're going out, she'll spend hours getting ready so that she can look the best, whereas I'll take 20 minutes. If we have an exam or something, she'll do tons of work, (then lie and say she's done none) and then brag about getting a few points more than me, when I don't really try, or if I do, I admit it.
She always shows off about stuff that no-one cares about, and always puts down any guys that I like or who like me. She moans about how her life is so stressful, and how she's so much busier than me, when everything she does is a choice, and so she shouldn't do it if she hasn't the time/energy!
I know I sound pathetic but it's really infuriating and I want to kill her. Basically.
Has anyone else had a friend like this? Tips..?!
Scroll to see replies
maybe you should just tell her how u feel?? or ignore it??
Ignore it, chances are other people have noticed it and ignore her when she does it. I know someone who always boasts when she gets a few marks more than a good friend of mine etc. and everyone knows what she's like, so no one pays any attention to her. Just take her with a pinch of salt.
I choose the "Shoot her in the face" option. Just do whatever makes you feel happy and leave it, i'm all for that Karma thing so what goes around, comes around.
Just you watch, something bad is gonna happen to her and you're gonna love it
Just you watch, something bad is gonna happen to her and you're gonna love it
i have a friend whos like this. im ok intleigence wise, and she ok too. i dont work at all though, so i often acheive mediocre results, wheras she works her butt off and gets a bit better results and then will brag about it. my friend also moaned about how her life was sooo stressful as she had to go to the theatre one night and the airport the next. i was like "mmm very stressful!" wheras my life is far more stressful but i dont go on about it at all.
tips, just ignore her when she speaks. think of a fave song and when they start talking about anoying stuff just think of that song. then you look like your listening in eagerness but really your not. throw in some "mmms" and "oh's" every now and again. but also, its prob just their personality so put it down to that
tips, just ignore her when she speaks. think of a fave song and when they start talking about anoying stuff just think of that song. then you look like your listening in eagerness but really your not. throw in some "mmms" and "oh's" every now and again. but also, its prob just their personality so put it down to that
Zahara
Ignore it, chances are other people have noticed it and ignore her when she does it. I know someone who always boasts when she gets a few marks more than a good friend of mine etc. and everyone knows what she's like, so no one pays any attention to her. Just take her with a pinch of salt.
Yeah I try to, and other people definately notice it, just I'm seriously with her ALL THE TIME. At the moment she's trying to get in with one of my out-of-school friend groups, and cos they've not seen her in the stressed/exam environment they think she's great. I think I'm just really worried about being replaced, but I don't wanna point out what she's really like since that would be really bitchy.
I just want to scream at her. Seriously, she has barely any friends that she hasn't leeched off me, and I don't want to lose them since I've known them longer. And she keeps trying to beat me in stuff that she knows I've been doing longer, and.... gah it just sucks!
sophiejr15
i have a friend whos like this. im ok intleigence wise, and she ok too. i dont work at all though, so i often acheive mediocre results, wheras she works her butt off and gets a bit better results and then will brag about it. my friend also moaned about how her life was sooo stressful as she had to go to the theatre one night and the airport the next. i was like "mmm very stressful!" wheras my life is far more stressful but i dont go on about it at all.
tips, just ignore her when she speaks. think of a fave song and when they start talking about anoying stuff just think of that song. then you look like your listening in eagerness but really your not. throw in some "mmms" and "oh's" every now and again. but also, its prob just their personality so put it down to that
tips, just ignore her when she speaks. think of a fave song and when they start talking about anoying stuff just think of that song. then you look like your listening in eagerness but really your not. throw in some "mmms" and "oh's" every now and again. but also, its prob just their personality so put it down to that
Bolded ones, exactly the same.
It's just horrible her watching her try to copy and better my life!
Ah yes, i wanted to kill them too
I really think ppl like that are actually jealous so in her case, guys r interested in you not her maybe or that she needs to revise much more to do aswell as you etc. It's not nice to be around that all the time I know.
I'd say if you can just try and talk to her and ask why she makes everything into a competition before they say something when you're having a bad day anyway and explode (like i did). She might not conciously realise she's doing it.
One of my best friends mums compares her to her friends so afta exams she'll ask what we got and then have a go at her if she hasn't done as well, feel propa sorry for her. If your friends family is like this that could be why.
Hope that's helped a bit, sorry for the length x
I really think ppl like that are actually jealous so in her case, guys r interested in you not her maybe or that she needs to revise much more to do aswell as you etc. It's not nice to be around that all the time I know.
I'd say if you can just try and talk to her and ask why she makes everything into a competition before they say something when you're having a bad day anyway and explode (like i did). She might not conciously realise she's doing it.
One of my best friends mums compares her to her friends so afta exams she'll ask what we got and then have a go at her if she hasn't done as well, feel propa sorry for her. If your friends family is like this that could be why.
Hope that's helped a bit, sorry for the length x
BlueRoses
Bolded ones, exactly the same.
It's just horrible her watching her try to copy and better my life!
It's just horrible her watching her try to copy and better my life!
yeah, i agree. in a way its like she wants to one up my life all the time. its rather annoying as i dont get why someone would want to do that, but maybe its cos their lives are boring, ares are maybe harder but more intersting
bubblebath31
Ah yes, i wanted to kill them too
I really think ppl like that are actually jealous so in her case, guys r interested in you not her maybe or that she needs to revise much more to do aswell as you etc. It's not nice to be around that all the time I know.
I'd say if you can just try and talk to her and ask why she makes everything into a competition before they say something when you're having a bad day anyway and explode (like i did). She might not conciously realise she's doing it.
One of my best friends mums compares her to her friends so afta exams she'll ask what we got and then have a go at her if she hasn't done as well, feel propa sorry for her. If your friends family is like this that could be why.
Hope that's helped a bit, sorry for the length x
I really think ppl like that are actually jealous so in her case, guys r interested in you not her maybe or that she needs to revise much more to do aswell as you etc. It's not nice to be around that all the time I know.
I'd say if you can just try and talk to her and ask why she makes everything into a competition before they say something when you're having a bad day anyway and explode (like i did). She might not conciously realise she's doing it.
One of my best friends mums compares her to her friends so afta exams she'll ask what we got and then have a go at her if she hasn't done as well, feel propa sorry for her. If your friends family is like this that could be why.
Hope that's helped a bit, sorry for the length x
Yup I've come close to exploding a lot lately :| I think she is under a lot of pressure from her parents, but her sister is the total opposite so it makes me wonder! I think she just puts the pressure on herself.
Like she'll undertake a difficult task just to be able to say she's doing the difficult thing. Then whine about how hard it is. It's like "WHY DID YOU DO IT THEN?!?!"
I'll bare the crocodile wrestling in mind.
Well the reason she's so competitive is probably because she thinks that the things u do are cool/great, and she's probably a tad unconfident, so try to take it as a compliment 
(weird way to see it I know but might make u less annoyed when u see her) so she probably looks up to u somewhat if she meets people through u and everything. I completely understand what u mean about not wanting to be replaced. Perhaps u could meet new people together with her, so they're ur "mutual" friends, and maybe start a new hobby neither of u have tried before, so she can't actually be all "I'm so much better than u" (maybe a sport, squash or something?).
But u can just talk to her about it too. But don't be nasty about it, just maybe mention that it upsets u when she's constantly trying to beat u, remind her it's not a competition and mention that ur really happy when she succeeds at something, and u wish she could be the same for u. She'll probs take this on board, and try to be abit more considerate. After that, her hanging out with ur friends and u might end up being quite fun because the tension between u two will be gone. And yeah, telling her the truth might be a bit painful, but it's better in the long run.
(weird way to see it I know but might make u less annoyed when u see her) so she probably looks up to u somewhat if she meets people through u and everything. I completely understand what u mean about not wanting to be replaced. Perhaps u could meet new people together with her, so they're ur "mutual" friends, and maybe start a new hobby neither of u have tried before, so she can't actually be all "I'm so much better than u" (maybe a sport, squash or something?). But u can just talk to her about it too. But don't be nasty about it, just maybe mention that it upsets u when she's constantly trying to beat u, remind her it's not a competition and mention that ur really happy when she succeeds at something, and u wish she could be the same for u. She'll probs take this on board, and try to be abit more considerate. After that, her hanging out with ur friends and u might end up being quite fun because the tension between u two will be gone. And yeah, telling her the truth might be a bit painful, but it's better in the long run.
heyyyy, yeah I've had this EXACT same problem with 2 people ive known in the past few, and it sounds exactly the same, but what I've found out, or noticed, is that they were just insecure and (trying not to sound big headed) but jealous!
She obviously just wants to kind of BE you in a way lol, and so to try and get over the annoyingness of it just take it as a compliment! Thats what I did and even though its hard to at first, just think to yourself "Atleast I don't have to do this and this and compete to try and feel satisfied" I know it sooooooo annoying, and if you're like me when YOU actually 'win' something or get better in something you WANT to say 'seeeee!' but I just can't do it! Boasting makes me cringe all over lol
so basically DON'T stoop to her level, just let yourself have the 'moral high ground' (if thats the right saying
) and have the satisfaction that YOU don't have to do all this stupid stuff to feel better!
And if she REALLLY gets on your nerves just kind of give her this pitying look and walk off lol, hope this helps! X
( p.s I know you won't want to like totally stop being friends with her if she's been your friend for ages, but seriously I've kind of had a 'detox' of my friends lately and if she really isn't adding any happiness to your life then you should kind of re-think how much time you want to spend with her, or see if theres any other friends you could see more of instead? )
She obviously just wants to kind of BE you in a way lol, and so to try and get over the annoyingness of it just take it as a compliment! Thats what I did and even though its hard to at first, just think to yourself "Atleast I don't have to do this and this and compete to try and feel satisfied" I know it sooooooo annoying, and if you're like me when YOU actually 'win' something or get better in something you WANT to say 'seeeee!' but I just can't do it! Boasting makes me cringe all over lol
so basically DON'T stoop to her level, just let yourself have the 'moral high ground' (if thats the right saying
) and have the satisfaction that YOU don't have to do all this stupid stuff to feel better! And if she REALLLY gets on your nerves just kind of give her this pitying look and walk off lol, hope this helps! X
( p.s I know you won't want to like totally stop being friends with her if she's been your friend for ages, but seriously I've kind of had a 'detox' of my friends lately and if she really isn't adding any happiness to your life then you should kind of re-think how much time you want to spend with her, or see if theres any other friends you could see more of instead? )
I know it sounds bad but it sounds like you're trying to do exactly the same thing as she is - your description of yourself is probably how SHE would describe HERSELF.
Either that or she's a jealous bint...
Have some sympathy though...she's either hating herself for not being you (I know THAT feeling well, my best friend is gorgeous and clever) OR feeling the exact same way as you are.
Either that or she's a jealous bint...
Have some sympathy though...she's either hating herself for not being you (I know THAT feeling well, my best friend is gorgeous and clever) OR feeling the exact same way as you are.
BlueRoses
I am always being compared to one of my best friends at school, and I always feel that everything is a huge competition between us. We've had the same friend group and grades and "hobbies" for years.
It sounds really petty and stupid, but I'm sure some people here will be able to relate. I'm just sick of her trying to beat me and take everything away from me. Whenever I make new friends, she'll always try to become friends with them too. If we're going out, she'll spend hours getting ready so that she can look the best, whereas I'll take 20 minutes. If we have an exam or something, she'll do tons of work, (then lie and say she's done none) and then brag about getting a few points more than me, when I don't really try, or if I do, I admit it.
She always shows off about stuff that no-one cares about, and always puts down any guys that I like or who like me. She moans about how her life is so stressful, and how she's so much busier than me, when everything she does is a choice, and so she shouldn't do it if she hasn't the time/energy!
I know I sound pathetic but it's really infuriating and I want to kill her. Basically.
Has anyone else had a friend like this? Tips..?!
It sounds really petty and stupid, but I'm sure some people here will be able to relate. I'm just sick of her trying to beat me and take everything away from me. Whenever I make new friends, she'll always try to become friends with them too. If we're going out, she'll spend hours getting ready so that she can look the best, whereas I'll take 20 minutes. If we have an exam or something, she'll do tons of work, (then lie and say she's done none) and then brag about getting a few points more than me, when I don't really try, or if I do, I admit it.
She always shows off about stuff that no-one cares about, and always puts down any guys that I like or who like me. She moans about how her life is so stressful, and how she's so much busier than me, when everything she does is a choice, and so she shouldn't do it if she hasn't the time/energy!
I know I sound pathetic but it's really infuriating and I want to kill her. Basically.
Has anyone else had a friend like this? Tips..?!
Hi OP! Basically what it really boils down to is- do you actually care about her? I mean, we all have friends who annoy us, etc. but we do love them really, or is this only dislike? Because if you just dislike her, you can stop hanging around with her, and make it very very obvious that you're giving her the cold shoulder, and slowly exclude her from your life.
But, if on the other hand, you do like her, but it's just aspects of her character that get in the way, then talk to her. It's worth it. Take her aside, have a girly chat, and be fair but say what you want. It's her choice how she takes it- if she's brattish abut it then she's not worth it, but if she acknowledges stuff and takes it maturally then you might still have a friendship.
Harriellie
I know it sounds bad but it sounds like you're trying to do exactly the same thing as she is - your description of yourself is probably how SHE would describe HERSELF.
Either that or she's a jealous bint...
Have some sympathy though...she's either hating herself for not being you (I know THAT feeling well, my best friend is gorgeous and clever) OR feeling the exact same way as you are.
Either that or she's a jealous bint...
Have some sympathy though...she's either hating herself for not being you (I know THAT feeling well, my best friend is gorgeous and clever) OR feeling the exact same way as you are.
No but... thing is it is MY friends that she takes. I've never tried to get in with any of her out of school friends. I never try super hard to beat her in anything. I never make a particular effort to ALWAYS be the best at everything.
I knew a girl like that when I was at school. Basically, everything was a competition to her i.e. if I got a new pair of shoes she'd always have a new pair that cost twice as much etc. She actually thought that because she was taller than me, that meant she was better than me .
I know it's hard, but the best thing to do is just ignore it and not let it get to you. If she sees that it doesn't she will probably stop doing it.
.I know it's hard, but the best thing to do is just ignore it and not let it get to you. If she sees that it doesn't she will probably stop doing it.
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