Did I cheat? Watch

Phillip149
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I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years.

Four months ago we broke up for the second time in a month. Three days later i went out and got really drunk and ended up kissing someone twice who i know but really dont care about and it meant nothing. Me and my girlfriend had been talking that day about one day getting back together. Although i love my girlfriend i was still just really hurt by the relationship and was confused; we didn't work together at the time and were getting eachother down. At that point in time i genuinely loved her so much but I thought it needed to end for both of our sakes. When i kissed the girl i meant nothing to me and i didnt enjoy it, but my head was so messed up. However the next morning I felt absolutely horrific and do not think i will ever be able to forgive myself for betraying my girlfriend.

At the time, altough we were broken up I told my girlfriend as i realised that i messed up and if we were ever going to make it work she needs to know. I only told her part of the story however (that I kissed a girl once and it was short, I thought the gist of my betrayl wouldn't hurt as much as the whole story) as I really didn't want to hurt her any more than I had.

We remained seperated for about two months but never stop speaking. We are now back togethwr and have now been working through our problems and things are going really well. Its totally different compared to how we were before, in a good way. She says she trusts me and she seems on the face of it to have gotten over it; shes says it not worth losing what we might have over that one mistake. However its eating me up and my whole opinion of myself has changed. I know what I did was wrong and unforgivable but did I cheat? I asked her yesterday and she said no she doesn't consider that I've cheated but I can't get it out of my head that I have. I know ive made a massive mistake and probably dont deserve her but I would never ever do it ever again. But I rightfully feel like scum of the earth and hate myself. I have booked some counselling sessions as it's really destroying me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Phillip149)
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years.

A month ago we broke up for the second time in a month. Three days later i went out and got really drunk and ended up kissing someone who i know but really dont care about and it meant nothing. Me and my girlfriend had been talking that week about one day getting back together but i was just really hurt by the relationship and was confused. I felt absolutely horrific and do not think i will ever be able to forgive myself.*

I told my girlfriend and she has taken me back but i genuinely dont think i will ever be able to shake this guilt. Its eating me up and my whole opinion of myself has changed. I know what I did was wrong and unforgivable but did I cheat? I also know i am not the victim here and before i get the "you dont deserve her", i really do know that but i just really want to make this work.
You know them key words “we broke up” that means you weren’t in a relationship therefore had no commitment to keep with another person, so there is no reason for you to feel any guilt. Maybe if you got with he other girl the same night as you’d said let’s get back together then you should feel guilty but you’s were only talking about getting back together that could of been months down the line. You did not cheat = you should not feel guilty
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Sirrup
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Bro c'mon, tbh if you really new/wanted to get back with her you probably shouldn't of done it, but does it really matter. Who gives a F**k she probably did the same. Really relationships are pointless just do your thing have hookups don't get too attached if you look at it in terms of pure stats your unlikely to be together for more than a couple years (and it already looks like your on rough ground). If you think you love her then move on but ask yourself is it worth it.
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Zaspo
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If you guys weren't together at the time and you kissed a girl that means you didn't cheat on anyone. However if you were together at the time and you kissed another girl then you did cheat.
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Phillip149
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We wernt together at the time and were definiately broken but, Yeah, we did say we loved eachother and wanted to get back together at some point. This is why I feel so horrible.
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canadaman815
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I'm sorry to hear about the agony you feel over this. It seems as though something internal is holding you back from moving on. I would definitely understand having feelings for someone else and wanting briefly to be intimate with them while you were broken up. You confessed it to your girlfriend and asked for forgiveness, which was the best thing to do, and she forgave you. That is all very good. What you really need now is to be able to forgive yourself. Do you have any idea why you can't? Is it because you still have feelings for that girl you kissed, or for other girls? Are you worried about being tempted to actually cheat while you and your girlfriend are together? Is it simply because your girlfriend never knew the whole story?

I would encourage you to follow through with the idea of counseling, because it's clear to me you feel the need for some kind of processing in order to move on. If necessary, take your girlfriend with you. Remember, forgiveness sets us free, and you deserve the chance to move on from your mistakes and regrets.
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djung
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.........
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Anonymous #2
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Y'all shut up ! You are the sweetest guy, honestly. You were hurt and confused as your relationship was falling apart and also you were broken up that day. Stop overthinking. You love her and you confessed . It's in the past. Don't mess your present. Cheating ...I don't even consider it You seem too kind and sweet to do that. It's over. Get well It's not big deal. You're a great boyfriend.
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Anonymous #3
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Going through the same type of problem man, the guilt is eating me alive and it’s been going around in my head for ages.
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random88
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It wasn't cheating but I understand why you feel guilty. But you seem genuinely sorry and like a good person. As long as you told your gf don't worry about it and stop beating yourself up about it
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Lady Jamie
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'we were on a break!!!'
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JustQuestioning
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Personally if me and my partner were to break up and I didn’t really feel it was the end, I would consider it cheating and vise Versa. Couples break up all the time. This is a classic Ross and Rachel situation.
But it depends on you and your partners beliefs. If she did that to you would you feel cheated?

You can argue that technically you weren’t together but honestly **** that. Loyalty is a feeling and so is cheating.
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