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I feel like I’m living in a dream watch

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    Please take the time to read this it could save your life, seriously.
    A bit of backstory I’ve been depressed for 3 years, suffered with anxiety my whole life. It was pretty **** at first as never experienced anything like it then it got worse and worse (you never think it can get worse) until I reached a breaking point. Following my recovery I was shook and put off the idea again.
    Anyways 2 months ago something changed. I can’t pinpoint the exact date it had to be more of a gradual change but it was roughly 2 months ago when the ‘scales tipped’.
    I started showing signs of depersonalisation derealisation disorder. This is a disorder where you feel detached from yourself, you feel like a robot, like your living in a dream, like you don’t recognise the speech coming out your mouth, like your trapped and someone else is in your body and like you don’t feel anything you do. Your trapped and feel like you haven’t woken up.

    The worst part is that it’s virtually unexplainable and I seriously mean that. If someone told me this when I didn’t have this disorder I wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It’s very likely my depression has caused this disorder but it is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Through my stages of depression I never thought things could get worse but this time I seriously don’t think they can get worse honestly.
    I’m on medication(lamotrogine and olanzapine) and I’ve been on several combinations of meds and nothings worked for my depression and new disorder. I’m too exhausted for therapy and it hasn’t worked in the past.
    Honestly please treasure every day you feel okay because my life is destroyed and I truly mean it. 2 months of pure devestation in the sense I don’t recognise the words coming out my mouth or even me typing this message right now. I’m typing this crying but don’t feel it at all.

    The best analogy to give would be that I feel like my true self is trapped inside a glass bottle banging on the bottle. The bottle is invisible it won’t break and hasn’t for two months. I have no idea whether this disorder is permanent and how it will reslove on it’s own. It’s not that ‘I’m depressed’, it’s that ‘this foreign body that I don’t recognise is depressed’
    Honestly please please please value every day your feeling okay or feel like ‘you are you’. I hope none of you reading this get this disorder but it’s very rare and honestly so ****ing bad.
    Please keep me in your prayers guys. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone it’s unexpainable.
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    ❤️❤️
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    Well, I am no expert. All I can do really is just say I wish the best for the future and everything will work out in the end just do not do anything stupid.
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    You just need to get your psychiatrist to find the right meds for you. I’ve had pretty much every drug going for my condition and the only one that stopped all my problems, was a drug called amisulpride. I was on it 3 years, but it gave me drug induced hyperglycaemia and liver problems, so they had to stop it. Lamotrigine has been doing nothing for me, for the last year, so I am about to start sodium valproate.

    If your symptoms aren’t getting better, you need to go back to your GP and ask to be referred back to your psychiatrist
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please take the time to read this it could save your life, seriously.
    A bit of backstory I’ve been depressed for 3 years, suffered with anxiety my whole life. It was pretty **** at first as never experienced anything like it then it got worse and worse (you never think it can get worse) until I reached a breaking point. Following my recovery I was shook and put off the idea again.
    Anyways 2 months ago something changed. I can’t pinpoint the exact date it had to be more of a gradual change but it was roughly 2 months ago when the ‘scales tipped’.
    I started showing signs of depersonalisation derealisation disorder. This is a disorder where you feel detached from yourself, you feel like a robot, like your living in a dream, like you don’t recognise the speech coming out your mouth, like your trapped and someone else is in your body and like you don’t feel anything you do. Your trapped and feel like you haven’t woken up.

    The worst part is that it’s virtually unexplainable and I seriously mean that. If someone told me this when I didn’t have this disorder I wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It’s very likely my depression has caused this disorder but it is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Through my stages of depression I never thought things could get worse but this time I seriously don’t think they can get worse honestly.
    I’m on medication(lamotrogine and olanzapine) and I’ve been on several combinations of meds and nothings worked for my depression and new disorder. I’m too exhausted for therapy and it hasn’t worked in the past.
    Honestly please treasure every day you feel okay because my life is destroyed and I truly mean it. 2 months of pure devestation in the sense I don’t recognise the words coming out my mouth or even me typing this message right now. I’m typing this crying but don’t feel it at all.

    The best analogy to give would be that I feel like my true self is trapped inside a glass bottle banging on the bottle. The bottle is invisible it won’t break and hasn’t for two months. I have no idea whether this disorder is permanent and how it will reslove on it’s own. It’s not that ‘I’m depressed’, it’s that ‘this foreign body that I don’t recognise is depressed’
    Honestly please please please value every day your feeling okay or feel like ‘you are you’. I hope none of you reading this get this disorder but it’s very rare and honestly so ****ing bad.
    Please keep me in your prayers guys. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone it’s unexpainable.
    I have the same issue. Nothing feels real anymore. It is partially caused by benzos, and partially by exposure to severe stress, for a very long time.

    I don't understand why you are on antipsychotics though. Who in the world prescribed you these for depression and anxiety?
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    I have the same issue. Nothing feels real anymore. It is partially caused by benzos, and partially by exposure to severe stress, for a very long time.

    I don't understand why you are on antipsychotics though. Who in the world prescribed you these for depression and anxiety?
    Antipsychotics are often used with anxiety and depression. I was prescribed amisulpride which is an antipsychotic that can also be used as a mood stabiliser. Lots of antipsychotics are used to prevent the swings between moods and can be quite effective.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please take the time to read this it could save your life, seriously.
    A bit of backstory I’ve been depressed for 3 years, suffered with anxiety my whole life. It was pretty **** at first as never experienced anything like it then it got worse and worse (you never think it can get worse) until I reached a breaking point. Following my recovery I was shook and put off the idea again.
    Anyways 2 months ago something changed. I can’t pinpoint the exact date it had to be more of a gradual change but it was roughly 2 months ago when the ‘scales tipped’.
    I started showing signs of depersonalisation derealisation disorder. This is a disorder where you feel detached from yourself, you feel like a robot, like your living in a dream, like you don’t recognise the speech coming out your mouth, like your trapped and someone else is in your body and like you don’t feel anything you do. Your trapped and feel like you haven’t woken up.

    The worst part is that it’s virtually unexplainable and I seriously mean that. If someone told me this when I didn’t have this disorder I wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It’s very likely my depression has caused this disorder but it is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Through my stages of depression I never thought things could get worse but this time I seriously don’t think they can get worse honestly.
    I’m on medication(lamotrogine and olanzapine) and I’ve been on several combinations of meds and nothings worked for my depression and new disorder. I’m too exhausted for therapy and it hasn’t worked in the past.
    Honestly please treasure every day you feel okay because my life is destroyed and I truly mean it. 2 months of pure devestation in the sense I don’t recognise the words coming out my mouth or even me typing this message right now. I’m typing this crying but don’t feel it at all.

    The best analogy to give would be that I feel like my true self is trapped inside a glass bottle banging on the bottle. The bottle is invisible it won’t break and hasn’t for two months. I have no idea whether this disorder is permanent and how it will reslove on it’s own. It’s not that ‘I’m depressed’, it’s that ‘this foreign body that I don’t recognise is depressed’
    Honestly please please please value every day your feeling okay or feel like ‘you are you’. I hope none of you reading this get this disorder but it’s very rare and honestly so ****ing bad.
    Please keep me in your prayers guys. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone it’s unexpainable.
    I hope you get better I'll pray for you x You can get through this!
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    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, although i have dealt with depression also and still am to some degree it does not compare to what you are going through, all i can say is do not give hope, it might not seem like it but it will get better.
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    (Original post by Blooberries)
    Antipsychotics are often used with anxiety and depression. I was prescribed amisulpride which is an antipsychotic that can also be used as a mood stabiliser. Lots of antipsychotics are used to prevent the swings between moods and can be quite effective.
    That's extremely harmful. I would change my doctor if I were you.
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    (Original post by Foggel)
    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, although i have dealt with depression also and still am to some degree it does not compare to what you are going through, all i can say is do not give hope, it might not seem like it but it will get better.
    I read this entire paragraph in Fogell's voice.
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    I have depersonalization I'm kinda 50% recovered from it now but if you want someone to talk about it feel free to pm me. also the forum http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/ (you've probs already found it) but it's really helpful and useful etc but hope you get better x
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    That's extremely harmful. I would change my doctor if I were you.
    I’ve had several psychiatrists and have been through many antipsychotics. They are used often. Same for my friends in other parts of London. They are often used in the treatment of bipolar disorder as well to stabilise moods. GP’s can’t prescribe anything other than antidepressants, so it’s only ever a psychiatrist, and I’ve recently been allocated a new one and she has done the same. I’m on my fourth psychiatrist, so it’s clearly common practice
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    Kings College London also have a research unit for depersonalisation disorders, and they specify the treatments being; lamotrigine, antipsychotics, ECT, psychotherapy and CBT, have all been used in the treatment of DPD
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    (Original post by Blooberries)
    I’ve had several psychiatrists and have been through many antipsychotics. They are used often. Same for my friends in other parts of London. They are often used in the treatment of bipolar disorder as well to stabilise moods. GP’s can’t prescribe anything other than antidepressants, so it’s only ever a psychiatrist, and I’ve recently been allocated a new one and she has done the same. I’m on my fourth psychiatrist, so it’s clearly common practice
    The OP has depression and anxiety. She's not bipolar.
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    The OP has depression and anxiety. She's not bipolar.
    I’m not bipolar. It is a recommended route for DPD to use antipsychotics
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    (Original post by Blooberries)
    I’m not bipolar. It is a recommended route for DPD to use antipsychotics
    Madness. Anti-psychotics are not suitable for this type of disorder.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Ciel.)
    I have the same issue. Nothing feels real anymore. It is partially caused by benzos, and partially by exposure to severe stress, for a very long time.

    I don't understand why you are on antipsychotics though. Who in the world prescribed you these for depression and anxiety?
    I understand what your saying. But I’ve tried 3 different antidepressants and they haven’t worked at all. The antipsychotics I’m on( olanzapine and lamotrogine) aren’t working either. I feel like nothing helps anymore. Just no clue what drug would be right for me?
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    (Original post by Blooberries)
    Antipsychotics are often used with anxiety and depression. I was prescribed amisulpride which is an antipsychotic that can also be used as a mood stabiliser. Lots of antipsychotics are used to prevent the swings between moods and can be quite effective.
    Yeah the psychiatrist said the same to me. But lamotrogine hasn’t helped at all. In fact maybe a week into taking it I had an upsurge of positive energy( for a couple days) but the longer I’ve took it the more depressed I’ve became(and the more detached from reality I’ve felt) so surely that may suggest I should get off it?
    I tried stopping medication all together a few months ago but it didn’t make me feel any less depressed. I feel like I have no options as I’m bad on drugs and bad off drugs. I wake up feeling numb whereas a year ago I woke up with a ‘tingly feeling of excitement surging through my body’.
    I was still depressed when I had this feeling of excitement and it was often short lived but it felt so damn amazing, like the best feeling in the world. And I had excitement over finding love but have no interest in ever entering a relationship anymore. Man I wish I could turn the clocks, I’d give up my university place and my a level results just to get that feeling back, even for a day. My perception of time has changed and I can’t even remember what day it is anymore.
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    (Original post by Issakatie)
    I have depersonalization I'm kinda 50% recovered from it now but if you want someone to talk about it feel free to pm me. also the forum http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/ (you've probs already found it) but it's really helpful and useful etc but hope you get better x
    Thanks for the link and your support. I appreciate it
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    (Original post by Foggel)
    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, although i have dealt with depression also and still am to some degree it does not compare to what you are going through, all i can say is do not give hope, it might not seem like it but it will get better.
    Thanks for your support
 
 
 
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