The Student Room Group

Rigel's Rants and Reflections: A Mental Health Blog

Hey! :wavey:

So I decided to start a TSR mental health blog, because I used to have a website blog but it got found by people who knew me. I like to write and vent about things, as well as reflect on things that have happened. Since I lost my website I haven't really been able to do this. :sad:

This is my blog, my journey struggling with mental health illnesses, and probably a fair few rants :colondollar:

I will warn you now, some of what I mention may be triggering to some people. I will keep within the guidelines for the TSR forum though :yep:

A bit about me :awesome:
I'm a student studying for a part time degree.
I am a mother of two adorable baby bunnies.
I work in a retail job full time over the summer, part time during term.


A bit about my mental health: (Trigger Warning)

Spoiler



I hope you enjoy my blog. :redface:
(edited 5 years ago)

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Posting to subscribe :penguinhug:
Reply 2
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Posting to subscribe :penguinhug:


Thanks :hugs: I still cannot rep :sad:
Original post by Rigel
Thanks :hugs: I still cannot rep :sad:


Let's go mob TSR HQ and demand they change the rep system? :ninja:

:mob:

:ninja:
Reply 4
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Let's go mob TSR HQ and demand they change the rep system? :ninja:

:mob:

:ninja:


Definitely!!! We demand unlimited rep! :mob:
Reply 5
Day 1 - 26/6/2018

Rant

Yesterday I sent a scary email to my head of department about how severe my mental health issues are at the moment. He replied to me this morning incredibly concerned about my safety. He requested I reply urgently to tell him I am safe and living somewhere that is secure for me. I moved out of an abusive living situation 2 weeks ago, so he was worried I did not have a stable home environment. I am currently living with my parents who rarely leave me alone. He also referred me to my university's counselling services and other mental health support. During my first year of studies, my mental health was relatively stable, so I did not feel the need to seek additional support.

Reflection

I am so grateful for the support I have received from my uni, family and friends. I now have DBT from a centre in London, specialist PD services that I am on a waiting list for, my employers have offered a counselling service, and now my uni has too. I have no shortage of places to get help from it seems. :love:
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Rigel
Post 1

Yesterday I sent a scary email to my head of department about how severe my mental health issues are at the moment. He replied to me this morning incredibly concerned about my safety. He requested I reply urgently to tell him I am safe and living somewhere that is secure for me. I moved out of an abusive living situation 2 weeks ago, so he was worried I did not have a stable home environment. I am currently living with my parents who rarely leave me alone. He also referred me to my university's counselling services and other mental health support. During my first year of studies, my mental health was relatively stable, so I did not feel the need to seek additional support.

I am so grateful for the support I have received from my uni, family and friends. I now have DBT from a centre in London, specialist PD services that I am on a waiting list for, my employers have offered a counselling service, and now my uni has too. I have no shortage of places to get help from it seems. :love:


Really proud of you for sending that email :smile: So glad that he replied quickly and is setting up support for you. He sounds like a good man :smile:
Reply 7
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Really proud of you for sending that email :smile: So glad that he replied quickly and is setting up support for you. He sounds like a good man :smile:


Thanks :hugs:

He is an incredibly lovely person, and he has been very supportive.
Original post by Rigel
Thanks :hugs:

He is an incredibly lovely person, and he has been very supportive.


Cannot rep :emo: Bloody TSR :nothing:
Reply 9
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Cannot rep :emo: Bloody TSR :nothing:


Definitely need a protest. :grumble:
Subbing, also can't rep grr. But really well done on the email, and on managing to move out. It's a long road but you're on the way :smile:
Reply 11
Original post by furryface12
Subbing, also can't rep grr. But really well done on the email, and on managing to move out. It's a long road but you're on the way :smile:


Thank you! Cannot rep either :sad:
Reply 12
Day 2 - 27/6/2018

Rant

I am naturally quite insecure. I’ve become obsessive that my bunnies don’t love me. I know it sounds trivial but I got very upset about it and my mum tried so much to convince me that they do love me.

Reflection

I’ve been doing a lot of drawing at the moment. I’m making some designs that I can have as tattoos when my scars heal. I know that self harm discussions are not allowed but I’m 3 days completely clean and that’s a record! Trying to keep going. However, that means that my mood is very low. I don’t have the release I normally have and trying to find alternatives feels nearly impossible. I feel very low today... but that's not particularly unusual for me.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 13
^ Thread ended up back in moderation but it's back up and running again. Day 2 is above from yesterday. :dance:
Reply 14
Day 3 - 28/6/2018

Rant

Spoiler



I don’t think that’s the only reason I feel low. The flashbacks have been worse today. I’ll probably make a separate post later about my abusers, but for now I’ll say they knew I was vulnerable and they humiliated, manipulated and abused me on a daily basis; and pretended they did it because they cared. I still haven’t been able to get over it. I only got away from them 3 weeks ago. They knew I was mentally ill. They forced me to leave, making me homeless, and they forced me to take with me anything of theirs that I’d used because I’d “contaminated” it.

Reflection

Reflecting on some interesting things I’ve done in my life. Trying to make myself feel like I haven’t entirely wasted my life.

1. The first plane I ever went on I flew.
2. I’ve climbed the highest mountain in England twice
3. I owned my own business since I was 19, but I am slowly closing it down (for a number of reasons).
4. I recently got two bunnies that are giving me a reason to live.
5. When I was swimming in the Adriatic Sea I saw a flat fish, my favourite type of fish.
(edited 5 years ago)
You flew a plane? :eek: well done for talking to your mum, sorry for flashbacks and stuff :/ three days is really good! There will always be slips, but starting is the hardest bit. You can do this :hugs;
Reply 16
Original post by furryface12
You flew a plane? :eek: well done for talking to your mum, sorry for flashbacks and stuff :/ three days is really good! There will always be slips, but starting is the hardest bit. You can do this :hugs;


Yeah for my 19th birthday present my parents got me a flight lesson. That was the first time I stepped foot in a plane :redface: It was a Cessna 152 that I flew for about half an hour out of the entire hour lesson, including diverting the plane to avoid bad weather :awesome:

Starting is definitely the hardest bit. I'm back to 0 days but I'm determined to make it up to 3 days again over the weekend. Trying to stay positive with it. Thank you! :hugs:
Reply 17
Day 4 - 29/6/18

Rant

The flashbacks have become worse again. I keep obsessing over my abusers, I can't get them out of my head. Everyday the moment they made me homeless constantly plays in my head, although it meant I could escape them, it was their ultimate power play. They planned to force my parents to read my private website blog, but I came back early that day so they didn't get a chance to. (this was not planned, I had no idea).

So I arrived back to find out that all my belongings had been thrown into boxes, causing huge damage to my things. I re-packed all my belongings neatly. I have a huge problem with people touching my belongings without consent, which they knew. Among my belongings I found things I didn't own that they had added. I removed these, only to be told that I had to take them with me, because I'd "contaminated" them. I said to just throw them away but they refused. They said I had to take them with me. When I got to my parents house I threw away everything they forced me to take, as well as some belongings that I felt had been tampered with.

^ Writing this made me very dissociated so sorry that it's a bit rambly :redface:

Reflection

The abuse had started 5 months prior to them kicking me out. When they kicked me out they had no idea if I had anyone to live with. I am very grateful to my parents for taking me in, and they've been very helpful. I find it very triggering to live at home, which is why I avoided it. My mum let me sleep in the spare room, not my old bedroom and they've allowed me to redecorate and change things so that I can feel safe.

I've been recommended to try grounding techniques for the flashbacks. I have been a bit lazy with self care recently, so I plan to start back up with my daily meditation, breathing exercises, and a few other things. I've continued to draw quite a lot and this feels like it helps. I have a little project to fill my scrapbook up with my drawings, which I am going to add to my self care summer bucket list :awesome:

This evening I am going to put some incense on in my room and meditate and try the breathing techniques.
(edited 5 years ago)
:penguinhug:
Reply 19
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
:penguinhug:


Thanks :hugs:

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