I'm a Muslim girl and I need advice right now

I honestly don't know where to begin. So I've just finished my A-level exams and finally giving myself some time.. that includes my physical well-being which I haven't been focusing on at all. I didn't know how I felt about myself in terms of physical attractiveness up till now...
So my parents are looking around for proposals for me... ''were justlooking'' they say. I mean was pissed off at first and to make things worse my mum asked me for some pictures ,of me... you know, to show my potential future partner.. and i was so not ok with it. i don't think they understand that i haven't got my **** together and i really cant b ****ed for all this its frustrating. you've probably figured out by now that i have really bad self-esteem.. and ur right to think so... i've always felt worthless and unconfident. I always hope that i don't end up like this forever... so i'd just like some positive advice. if u have nothing helpful to say then leave the thread.
thank u for taking the time to read this. x

Reply 1

username3941996

22

Don’t let your parents control your life. Tell them that you will look for someonewhen you are ready. Also, don’t put yourself down. Nobody Is perfect. It is what’s on the inside that counts on the outside. 😊

Reply 2

408655

19

This has nothing to do with the religion.... It is your family who have decided they want to get you married, not the religion.

And remember, you are fully allowed to reject an offer of marriage if you do not like the groom/ man.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 3

subhastar

OP

12

Original post by ProRoadman

Don’t let your parents control your life. Tell them that you will look for someonewhen you are ready. Also, don’t put yourself down. Nobody Is perfect. It is what’s on the inside that counts on the outside. 😊

I realise that the inside counts. im just afraid sometimes that no one will ever like me whether it's inside or out. i just feel worthless idk how else to put it. i dont even know y ive been feeling like this for a coupke of years but its gotten worse now maybe because of what's happening. but even then no one else but me in the house knows that i have anxiety. whenever we go out or something i've always hesistated and my family would just taunt me and it always made me feel like ****. i just dont know where to get the confidence from. i look at others and c how strong they r and i wish to b like that.

Reply 4

lipstickjungle

10

You need to be straight up with your parents, and tell them you don't want this right now. If you find it awkward or difficult to express your feelings get an elderly on your side who can communicate with them and who they'll listen to, just remember no marriage is valid until you say I do!

Reply 5

subhastar

OP

12

Original post by 408655

This has nothing to do with the religion.... It is your family who have decided they want to get you married, not the religion.

And remember, you are fully allowed to reject an offer of marriage if you do not like the groom/ man.

ive spoken wif my mum about this and she said ofc u can reject them if u dont like them. also ik its nothing to do with Islam. its a beautiful religion and im fully aware that it is culture that can become dominant at times and gets in the way of religion. infact contradicts it at times which is annoying cuz islam really matters to me. ive been trying to pray a lot more recently and just build some sort of relationship wif Allah. but i feel so so down cuz of ppl around me especially my family who sometimes fail to understand me. for example my mum asked my for pics wif hijab (which i already wear) and some wifout. i protested and said no. u forced my to wear this from age 12 and now u want me to take it off just so u can show some guys mum. and even tho she said their ''mums'' im sure she'd want to show her son wat i look like wifout it which i dont want. he should just acceot me for who i am. and thats y im beginning to feel like looks are the only thing that matters to a guy nowadays and y i feel so hopeless..

Reply 6

subhastar

OP

12

Original post by lipstickjungle

You need to be straight up with your parents, and tell them you don't want this right now. If you find it awkward or difficult to express your feelings get an elderly on your side who can communicate with them and who they'll listen to, just remember no marriage is valid until you say I do!

they believe that it is better to get married off early say 20-22. but they want to 'look' around right now cuz its hard to get married and muslim pakistani boys r jus choosy af. they also told me that ppl have asked about me.but yh its just that i want to focus on myself rn and not all of this. im such a mess so idk y theyre even bothering. plus they won't listen to me if say evrything u just said trust me ik them well enough now. if it gets really piss take then they leave me no choice but to rebel. but nothings happened yet. thyere doing stuff secrectly as well. i saw a message on my mums phone in convo wif my dad.. they were talkin about going to someones house tommz for dinner and im sooooo confident that its some guy im gonna meet wen we're there. the problem is tho i just dont feel attractive at all to sit in front of another man who may judge me. i just feel so ugly cuz of all this and ive told my mum. so im working on myself a lot nowadays in hope that i atleast 'feel' more attractive

Reply 7

lipstickjungle

10

Original post by subhastar

they believe that it is better to get married off early say 20-22. but they want to 'look' around right now cuz its hard to get married and muslim paki boys r jus choosy af. they also told me that ppl have asked about me.but yh its just that i want to focus on myself rn and not all of this. im such a mess so idk y theyre even bothering. plus they won't listen to me if say evrything u just said trust me ik them well enough now. if it gets really piss take then they leave me no choice but to rebel. but nothings happened yet. thyere doing stuff secrectly as well. i saw a message on my mums phone in convo wif my dad.. they were talkin about going to someones house tommz for dinner and im sooooo confident that its some guy im gonna meet wen we're there. the problem is tho i just dont feel attractive at all to sit in front of another man who may judge me. i just feel so ugly cuz of all this and ive told my mum. so im working on myself a lot nowadays in hope that i atleast 'feel' more attractive

I'm asian as well so I totally understand this viewpoint from your parent's where if a girl isn't married by 25 its a disgrace to society, but times are changing and if your parents say they're just looking then give them the benefit of the doubt. People 'ask' about girls the second they hit 16 so its nothing to be worried about, as for your self esteem only you can change the way you feel and you have to be positive and believe in yourself: exercise if you feel physically unattractive, eat better and make more of an effort with yourself; I believe if you look good you feel good.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with religion, so if you could, remove the word Muslim out of the title because you are giving all of us a bad name. I'm guessing your South-East Asian and are going through the typical need to get married rush. Work on improving your health and well-being and try communicating with your parents calmly.

I'm a Muslim girl and I need advice right now

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