Rejected for being shy

There is a guy who I've been in an on-off FWB with for a long time. It's strange though as we hardly see each other. I've always been rubbish with guys and at first when I see him I maybe come across a bit giddy and nervous, but I think it's also because I know I like him more than he likes me, and I just need a bit of time to relax, but we hardly see each other.

He has always kept a certain emotional distance from me and is himself a little shy/uneasy and this in turn makes me feel awkward around him, whereas if I'm fully confident that a guy likes me, then I'm ok.

He has always said he doesn't want a relationship, which is fair enough. But if I've ever dated anyone else or whatnot he's always acted jealous about it. And he keeps on stopping and starting the FWB and it's just been a vicious circle now for a long time.

Yesterday, I kind of lost my temper. I asked him why I was good enough to speak to pretty much daily, to sleep with/send explicit photos etc. to be there for him when he needed me (lending him money etc.) but that I wasn't good enough for him to have the slightest interest in me; we clearly got on, had things in common and were attracted to each other, yet he never even wanted to give me a chance.

He told me that he'd ever date me as I'm shy and he wanted to date someone who actually had self-confidence. Then afterwards he was asking for me to send him a "last photo"

I admit I took it badly, especially that he's shy too and has confidence issues, especially about his appearance which I always try to help him with.

I had a go at him and I told him where he could put his photos. I felt really bad for acting like that and eventually calmed down, I explained that I was just a bit awkward at first given the circumstances (plus he's foreign and I speak his language well but it is not my first language.. so that also restricts me a little), that we hardly saw each other and that obviously with time that would have faded; we spoke daily online etc. so he obviously knew I liked to talk, have a laugh etc.

I feel hurt to be judged for something like that which isn't my fault, and that I try my best with. I wonder if it was a way for him to say that he doesn't have a lot of fun with me..

has anyone else been turned down for this reason? I know I just have to accept it and move on, I cannot change what he thinks. I think it just hurts deep down as I've been bullied a lot for being shy, I've had therapy etc. and I have vastly improved, but i'll always be a bit reserved, though it doesn't mean I don't like having a laugh..

and the thing is that I am confident in the other aspects of my life, work etc. it's just that I haven't had a lot of luck with guys. Previously I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who told me constantly that I was boring, people didn't want to know me, another girl he knew was way more interesting etc.. and those words have stuck.

The thing is when I see this guy we discuss all kinds of things, we have a laugh, we've been in a nightclub twice together and we've had a laugh. I've never been a screaming ,squealing type and never will be, I just need a bit of time to relax and I feel like I've been unfairly judged, he told me I'm a "beautiful person" inside and out and I feel like it's a shame he rejects me based on this.

There is a guy who I've been in an on-off FWB with for a long time. It's strange though as we hardly see each other. I've always been rubbish with guys and at first when I see him I maybe come across a bit giddy and nervous, but I think it's also because I know I like him more than he likes me, and I just need a bit of time to relax, but we hardly see each other.

He has always kept a certain emotional distance from me and is himself a little shy/uneasy and this in turn makes me feel awkward around him, whereas if I'm fully confident that a guy likes me, then I'm ok.

He has always said he doesn't want a relationship, which is fair enough. But if I've ever dated anyone else or whatnot he's always acted jealous about it. And he keeps on stopping and starting the FWB and it's just been a vicious circle now for a long time.

Yesterday, I kind of lost my temper. I asked him why I was good enough to speak to pretty much daily, to sleep with/send explicit photos etc. to be there for him when he needed me (lending him money etc.) but that I wasn't good enough for him to have the slightest interest in me; we clearly got on, had things in common and were attracted to each other, yet he never even wanted to give me a chance.

He told me that he'd ever date me as I'm shy and he wanted to date someone who actually had self-confidence. Then afterwards he was asking for me to send him a "last photo"

I admit I took it badly, especially that he's shy too and has confidence issues, especially about his appearance which I always try to help him with.

I had a go at him and I told him where he could put his photos. I felt really bad for acting like that and eventually calmed down, I explained that I was just a bit awkward at first given the circumstances (plus he's foreign and I speak his language well but it is not my first language.. so that also restricts me a little), that we hardly saw each other and that obviously with time that would have faded; we spoke daily online etc. so he obviously knew I liked to talk, have a laugh etc.

I feel hurt to be judged for something like that which isn't my fault, and that I try my best with. I wonder if it was a way for him to say that he doesn't have a lot of fun with me..

has anyone else been turned down for this reason? I know I just have to accept it and move on, I cannot change what he thinks. I think it just hurts deep down as I've been bullied a lot for being shy, I've had therapy etc. and I have vastly improved, but i'll always be a bit reserved, though it doesn't mean I don't like having a laugh..