Am I the one who is the problem, or is it other people?
Hey. I've been feeling a bit down lately, and was just wondering what your thoughts are. Do I sound like I'm the one with the problem and need to change my personality, or is it other people?
Here are some examples:
Best Mate - My old best mate, who isn't even a mate anymore told me I was annoying him and he didn't want to talk to me. He's gay (I have no issue with this - I'm bi myself). He got a boyfriend around 2 months ago. Originally, he didn't tell anyone about his boyfriend. On a night out with my old best mate and other friends, his boyfriend came over to me to say hello. I was nervous - simply because I didn't want our other friends thinking like "why is this guy coming over and hugging him?" and he just started hugging me. I didn't want them to think anything of my old best mate or anything to get found out. I didn't think they knew about him.
So I basically went for a hand shake instead and stopped the hug. Apparently I looked awkward and rude. Due to this, his boyfriend got funny with me - although I later apologised and tried to say hello properly to him, without people around. Due to this, my old best mate is no longer talking to me.
Work - I was seeing a guy for 2 months. Everything was going well. I even met his family. He then suddenly ended it saying he "wasn't ready for a relationship". I was upset for about 3 weeks and I've finally now started to realise i'm probably better off without him. When I was feeling low, I put some quotes on my instagram story. Someone from work started messaging me and asked if I was okay. I told him what happened. I was worrying I wasn't good enough. He said I was handsome. All I did was thanked him. He said to me "why aren't you saying it back to me?" so I explained I thought everything was just a friendly chat (and in a nice way, told him I'm not interested in him). He kicked off and said "why is it I want something you can't give me?". He's stopped talking to me now.
Sister - Last night, my sister wanted to go halves on a domino's pizza with sides. It would have worked out like £10 each. I didn't want to, saying it was too expensive and we could easily just get a pizza in a supermarket for like £3. She then said I was "selfish" and called me everything under the sun - the f word, c word. Etc. She told me i'm ugly, annoying and should just go away.
Dad - My Mum and Dad broke up when I was 4. He lives about 150 miles away now, but the house is still in his name. He phoned me the other day and told me he wants it in my name. There is still a mortgage. I'm thinking of moving out in the next year or so, so I told him I wasn't interested. I said "what if I put it in my name, then want to move out? It won't get paid off". I also said "what if I had it for 10 years etc, and then I wanted to move and it would be in my name - what would happen to my mum and sister?". He called me pathetic down the phone. He told me I should start listening to him more and he cut me off.
I'm sorry for such an essay! Question though - Does it sound like I have a problem or need to change my personality or change who I am? I just feel like all I do is bug/annoy people, or I'm lazy, or just not good enough. Or is it actually those people (above) who have done wrong?
Thank you!
Here are some examples:
Best Mate - My old best mate, who isn't even a mate anymore told me I was annoying him and he didn't want to talk to me. He's gay (I have no issue with this - I'm bi myself). He got a boyfriend around 2 months ago. Originally, he didn't tell anyone about his boyfriend. On a night out with my old best mate and other friends, his boyfriend came over to me to say hello. I was nervous - simply because I didn't want our other friends thinking like "why is this guy coming over and hugging him?" and he just started hugging me. I didn't want them to think anything of my old best mate or anything to get found out. I didn't think they knew about him.
So I basically went for a hand shake instead and stopped the hug. Apparently I looked awkward and rude. Due to this, his boyfriend got funny with me - although I later apologised and tried to say hello properly to him, without people around. Due to this, my old best mate is no longer talking to me.
Work - I was seeing a guy for 2 months. Everything was going well. I even met his family. He then suddenly ended it saying he "wasn't ready for a relationship". I was upset for about 3 weeks and I've finally now started to realise i'm probably better off without him. When I was feeling low, I put some quotes on my instagram story. Someone from work started messaging me and asked if I was okay. I told him what happened. I was worrying I wasn't good enough. He said I was handsome. All I did was thanked him. He said to me "why aren't you saying it back to me?" so I explained I thought everything was just a friendly chat (and in a nice way, told him I'm not interested in him). He kicked off and said "why is it I want something you can't give me?". He's stopped talking to me now.
Sister - Last night, my sister wanted to go halves on a domino's pizza with sides. It would have worked out like £10 each. I didn't want to, saying it was too expensive and we could easily just get a pizza in a supermarket for like £3. She then said I was "selfish" and called me everything under the sun - the f word, c word. Etc. She told me i'm ugly, annoying and should just go away.
Dad - My Mum and Dad broke up when I was 4. He lives about 150 miles away now, but the house is still in his name. He phoned me the other day and told me he wants it in my name. There is still a mortgage. I'm thinking of moving out in the next year or so, so I told him I wasn't interested. I said "what if I put it in my name, then want to move out? It won't get paid off". I also said "what if I had it for 10 years etc, and then I wanted to move and it would be in my name - what would happen to my mum and sister?". He called me pathetic down the phone. He told me I should start listening to him more and he cut me off.
I'm sorry for such an essay! Question though - Does it sound like I have a problem or need to change my personality or change who I am? I just feel like all I do is bug/annoy people, or I'm lazy, or just not good enough. Or is it actually those people (above) who have done wrong?
Thank you!
It’s mostly them.
Your best mate is rude, and just didn’t like that his boyfriend was talking to you.
The guy you were seeing is a jerk, and it’s good you didn’t get with him. He sounds like the type of guy that needs a validation.
It was rude of your sister, but you could have just split the money.
As for your dad, don’t listen to him. It sounds like he was trying to get rid of the house.
The guy you were seeing is a jerk, and it’s good you didn’t get with him. He sounds like the type of guy that needs a validation.
It was rude of your sister, but you could have just split the money.
As for your dad, don’t listen to him. It sounds like he was trying to get rid of the house.
(edited 5 years ago)
You are a classic **** magnet, it's unfortunate.
From how you've explained things it sounds like they're in the wrong. We'd have to hear their sides of the story to confirm it though.
1) You're not obligated to accept a hug from anyone (potentially sexual assault anyway). If you had hugged him before with no problems then you are at fault for embarrassing him.
2) Lol, that's him fishing for compliments, not your problem nor your fault.
3) I'm assuming your sister gets hangry? Her problem, she should have apologised by now but that depends on your relationship with her.
4) Dunno, there does seem to be a lot missing from this for it to make sense, so maybe you should have heard him out? He was rude though.
2) Lol, that's him fishing for compliments, not your problem nor your fault.
3) I'm assuming your sister gets hangry? Her problem, she should have apologised by now but that depends on your relationship with her.
4) Dunno, there does seem to be a lot missing from this for it to make sense, so maybe you should have heard him out? He was rude though.
Original post by TheAlchemistress
Your best mate is rude, and just didn’t like that his boyfriend was talking to you.
The guy you were seeing is a jerk, and it’s good you didn’t get with him. He sounds like the type of guy that needs a validation.
It was rude of your sister, but you could have just split the money.
As for your dad, don’t listen to him. It sounds like he was trying to get rid of the house.
The guy you were seeing is a jerk, and it’s good you didn’t get with him. He sounds like the type of guy that needs a validation.
It was rude of your sister, but you could have just split the money.
As for your dad, don’t listen to him. It sounds like he was trying to get rid of the house.
Original post by random_matt
You are a classic **** magnet, it's unfortunate.
Original post by Abel_Gibbs
From how you've explained things it sounds like they're in the wrong. We'd have to hear their sides of the story to confirm it though.
Original post by ThomH97
1) You're not obligated to accept a hug from anyone (potentially sexual assault anyway). If you had hugged him before with no problems then you are at fault for embarrassing him.
2) Lol, that's him fishing for compliments, not your problem nor your fault.
3) I'm assuming your sister gets hangry? Her problem, she should have apologised by now but that depends on your relationship with her.
4) Dunno, there does seem to be a lot missing from this for it to make sense, so maybe you should have heard him out? He was rude though.
2) Lol, that's him fishing for compliments, not your problem nor your fault.
3) I'm assuming your sister gets hangry? Her problem, she should have apologised by now but that depends on your relationship with her.
4) Dunno, there does seem to be a lot missing from this for it to make sense, so maybe you should have heard him out? He was rude though.
Hey, just to say...
1) I didn't hug him first. I spoke to him on messenger before. But never seen him in person and he just randomly started hugging me.
2) He was saying he wanted a drink with me. I didn't want that. So he stopped messaging me altogether. I just thought it was a friendly conversation.
3) We were going to go halves (it was around £10 each). For what it is, I thought it was just a rip off. So I said it would be cheaper to drive to Asda (5-10 mins away) and get a cheaper pizza if that's what she really wanted. She refused.
4) My Dad won't put it in my Mum's name - something I suggested. He no longer wants it in his name. I said I didn't feel comfortable having it in my name. Especially when I myself would like to move out. I don't want any complications.
everyone has they’re bad days. might seem like youve been having tough months and things just keep going west no matter how good you try. things will get better. just cool down and live it off
Original post by aidenscottargh
everyone has they’re bad days. might seem like youve been having tough months and things just keep going west no matter how good you try. things will get better. just cool down and live it off
Thank you!
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