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My lack of privacy/bedroom issue-email to my mum
Ok so I wrote this email that i want to send to my mum. Basically Since i started uni sept 2006 I have had no bedroom as my little step sister-Amy(who visits holidays and every other weekend) has it now. And i sleep in my sisters double bed with her (Lauren). It drives me mad, not having my own room and privacy. I If anyone is in a similar situatiion to hear your experiences would be awesome.
Most of it is explained in the email:
Hi mum, I just thought id email you, its not a stupid emotional one
about how upset i feel when im at home its more about me realising
that i cannot live like i do in the house anymore.
I know you aren't that bothered and that of course its Petes house (mums Husband of 10 years) and you feel like his children have the advantage but there must be away
to accomodate both me and Amy. I have to email you because when i was
upset and tried to talk you got all defensive and didnt really listen
or care how i was feeling and im not exagerrating its totally true you
cant deny it.
Its so bad coming home, i dread it. I want to go to bed when im tired
and Lauren has the TV on and its loud, i ask her to put it lower and
she says no. She pulls the covers around her and my legs are cold but
i cant say anything because she says its her bed. She throws my 2 bags
out onto the landing because they mess up her room. She wakes me up at
7AM to go to work. What am i supposed to do?? I desperately want to
speak to my boyfriend as he is upset and i have to sit outside in the
cold. When im in Amy room i have to make sure i dont leave any of my
hair on her pillows. I feel like anyone does sleeping in a strangers
bed, like im intruding.
I know you think well i dont spend as much time there as Amy but when
its holidays I spend days and weeks in a row there and Amy is
normally there weekends. I have no home, not only do i lack friends
but i lack privacy and a bedroom at home. I want to just go back to
uni but im even lonelier there, im stuck and i dont know what to do, i
just want to fall asleep on the sofa like i did once because of
Lauren but then i was woke up at 6 am.
I just wish i had my room back but i know that cant happen, I just
wish you could make Amy's bedroom into a neutral kind of room, a
guest type room where i dont feel so rejected and intrusive, and then
maybe get a fold out bed thing that i can sleep on somewhere when we
are both home, I dont know I really dont know but I dont think i can
come home anymore on holidays.
Cant you imagine how i am feeling? Please for once be the mother i
want you to be and care about me a little more. please. I know you
have never been that close to me and Lauren but I just want you to do
something for me. I cant stand it anymore.
xxxxx
Most of it is explained in the email:
Hi mum, I just thought id email you, its not a stupid emotional one
about how upset i feel when im at home its more about me realising
that i cannot live like i do in the house anymore.
I know you aren't that bothered and that of course its Petes house (mums Husband of 10 years) and you feel like his children have the advantage but there must be away
to accomodate both me and Amy. I have to email you because when i was
upset and tried to talk you got all defensive and didnt really listen
or care how i was feeling and im not exagerrating its totally true you
cant deny it.
Its so bad coming home, i dread it. I want to go to bed when im tired
and Lauren has the TV on and its loud, i ask her to put it lower and
she says no. She pulls the covers around her and my legs are cold but
i cant say anything because she says its her bed. She throws my 2 bags
out onto the landing because they mess up her room. She wakes me up at
7AM to go to work. What am i supposed to do?? I desperately want to
speak to my boyfriend as he is upset and i have to sit outside in the
cold. When im in Amy room i have to make sure i dont leave any of my
hair on her pillows. I feel like anyone does sleeping in a strangers
bed, like im intruding.
I know you think well i dont spend as much time there as Amy but when
its holidays I spend days and weeks in a row there and Amy is
normally there weekends. I have no home, not only do i lack friends
but i lack privacy and a bedroom at home. I want to just go back to
uni but im even lonelier there, im stuck and i dont know what to do, i
just want to fall asleep on the sofa like i did once because of
Lauren but then i was woke up at 6 am.
I just wish i had my room back but i know that cant happen, I just
wish you could make Amy's bedroom into a neutral kind of room, a
guest type room where i dont feel so rejected and intrusive, and then
maybe get a fold out bed thing that i can sleep on somewhere when we
are both home, I dont know I really dont know but I dont think i can
come home anymore on holidays.
Cant you imagine how i am feeling? Please for once be the mother i
want you to be and care about me a little more. please. I know you
have never been that close to me and Lauren but I just want you to do
something for me. I cant stand it anymore.
xxxxx
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
How many bedrooms are in this house and how many people are there?
mute50
How many bedrooms are in this house and how many people are there?
sorry, so there are 4 rooms. 1- my mums room, 2- has 2 single beds where my half brother sleeps and one of two step sisters weekends and some times in the holidays 3- my old room a smallish room (now my othervstep sisters )and 4- my sisters larger room with a double bed but shes 21 yrs old and pays a little rent
Reply 4
its good that you made an attempt to talk to your mom through email. has she responded yet? if it doesn't work, talk to her in person. there must be something she can do. if it's really bothering you, why don't you spent the time at someone else's house. perhaps your boyfriend maybe? if you feel intrusive at home, spend as much as possible time outside the house.
Reply 6
I havent had a similar experience to you, but i really do hope that your get it sorted out with your mum, because no one deserves to feel like that. I think the email you have written is good, and it explains exactly how you feel. You may just want to add that you know that your mum is in a difficult situation etc (So she doesn't feel that both you and the other girls are moaning at her. Does that make sense?)
All the best xxxx
All the best xxxx
I have my uni house not far away and she uses that as an excuse-that i already have a room-but obviously the house is empty at holidays and i would be scared/lonely. I just hope she bloody listens to me.
Sometimes i think i am being unreasonable though?? because Im there less than the step kids sometimes??
Sometimes i think i am being unreasonable though?? because Im there less than the step kids sometimes??
thats rather sad, 
sorry about the situation, I think you have approached it in the right way.
Are you at uni in manchester? why do you feel like you have no friends? at uni or home?
also if your only really there in the holidays too then she could make space to accomodate you then, like you suggested a pull out bed. or bunk beds in Amys room? even an air bed?
sorry about the situation, I think you have approached it in the right way. Are you at uni in manchester? why do you feel like you have no friends? at uni or home?
also if your only really there in the holidays too then she could make space to accomodate you then, like you suggested a pull out bed. or bunk beds in Amys room? even an air bed?
Reply 9
Can't you make a nest (y'know, inflatable mattress, couple of duvets) in the living room or something? Your sister sounds like a right pain, and I don't think sharing a room with her will ever help issues. If I were you, I'd avoid going home too!
Reply 10
Would it be possible to fit a single bed in the room, if not would it be possible that you could negotiate a deal with your money to get rid of the double bed and have two single beds.,
Plus you could fund one of the single beds?
Plus you could fund one of the single beds?
Gaylei
thats rather sad, sorry about the situation, I think you have approached it in the right way.
Are you at uni in manchester? why do you feel like you have no friends? at uni or home?
also if your only really there in the holidays too then she could make space to accomodate you then, like you suggested a pull out bed. or bunk beds in Amys room? even an air bed?
sorry about the situation, I think you have approached it in the right way. Are you at uni in manchester? why do you feel like you have no friends? at uni or home?
also if your only really there in the holidays too then she could make space to accomodate you then, like you suggested a pull out bed. or bunk beds in Amys room? even an air bed?
I have close uni friends and an amazing boyfriend, and there are a couple of people from home i will probably contact in the summer that i havnt spoken to in a while. I guess i was just too shy and awkward in college to make some really good friends, and i only truely came out of my shell at uni. Yes im at uni in manchester and i also live in manchester but near the edge about 45mins on the bus to my uni house.
I even asked my mum if i could sleep on the couch but she said they are brand new so deffinately not. And cant really camp out in the living room as the kids wake up about 6AM!
Argh i want to go to bed now but my sisters on the phone and watching eastenders on her tv
Reply 12
mute50
Would it be possible to fit a single bed in the room, if not would it be possible that you could negotiate a deal with your money to get rid of the double bed and have two single beds.,
Plus you could fund one of the single beds?
Plus you could fund one of the single beds?
...thats right, negotiate with your money.
The girls obviously got issues but shes not THAT crazy, wise up mute50.
Reply 13
nofo
...thats right, negotiate with your money.
The girls obviously got issues but shes not THAT crazy, wise up mute50.
The girls obviously got issues but shes not THAT crazy, wise up mute50.
*money
I meant mum
Reply 14
How often do you go home?
My housemates parents foster a LOT of children and she doesn't have a room anymore. When she goes up she just has the sofa in the living room - that's what shee had through all of Summer. I think she was pretty upset about it but because she now classifys herself as not living there anymore she's obviously not going to say anything about it. She stays round her boyfriends when she goes home now and that isn't that often now. Can you not stay at yours?
I liked the email to your Mum - it gets your point across well. Hope she listens to you!
My housemates parents foster a LOT of children and she doesn't have a room anymore. When she goes up she just has the sofa in the living room - that's what shee had through all of Summer. I think she was pretty upset about it but because she now classifys herself as not living there anymore she's obviously not going to say anything about it. She stays round her boyfriends when she goes home now and that isn't that often now. Can you not stay at yours?
I liked the email to your Mum - it gets your point across well. Hope she listens to you!
Reply 15
Where does your boyfriend live?
Could he come to live in your uni flat with you during holidays? Or could you go to live at his house?
It sounds like, at home, there's not really room for you now It doesn't mean they love you less etc etc, it's just how circumstances have worked out.
Could he come to live in your uni flat with you during holidays? Or could you go to live at his house?
It sounds like, at home, there's not really room for you now
It doesn't mean they love you less etc etc, it's just how circumstances have worked out.Reply 16
seafairy
sorry, so there are 4 rooms. 1- my mums room, 2- has 2 single beds where my half brother sleeps and one of two step sisters weekends and some times in the holidays 3- my old room a smallish room (now my othervstep sisters )and 4- my sisters larger room with a double bed but shes 21 yrs old and pays a little rent
How old is your half brother? I'm guessing a fair bit younger... couldn't your two stepsisters share the room with two singles and you and your half-brother could have the small room, with a foldout bed or something (I'm guessing he'd be a little less annoying with tv etc), and your sister can have her room to herself? That's when the step-sisters are there - you can have the room the rest of the time?
Or the stepsisters get the double, your half-brother the single and you and your sister the twin? It's easier for littluns to share a double than for you and your sister!
Reply 17
wow dunno why that was anon!
*edit* i mean that was me... the post above this one, it was anon by mistake and the mods have un-anoned it which is probably what was confusing.
*edit* i mean that was me... the post above this one, it was anon by mistake and the mods have un-anoned it which is probably what was confusing.
Reply 18
dinkymints
wow dunno why that was anon!
Because the advice is crappy and they know it.
Reply 19
bit harsh, mums put money towards new sofas but wont/cant (now) towards a single bed.
neogiate with your sis and tell her your at uni now and need the rest. Go to halls see if you can move in. You need to talk to your mum.
or simply move out. Your are your mums flesh and blood and no matter how hard it is, she needs to listen to you.
my advice, email her this and if you have to continue there invest in ear plugs. Not great advice i know
neogiate with your sis and tell her your at uni now and need the rest. Go to halls see if you can move in. You need to talk to your mum.
or simply move out. Your are your mums flesh and blood and no matter how hard it is, she needs to listen to you.
my advice, email her this and if you have to continue there invest in ear plugs. Not great advice i know
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