I'm 22 and I've given up.

Throughout my life things have been far from great as long as I can remember, let's not start from the beginning instead from the most recent situation.

So, this year was my 3rd year at university from 1st year till 3rd year January I've been hitting nothing below a 1st class grade.

Then along came April where I knew I had failed to get any opportunity in terms of work...etc I had experienced over 100 rejections and then I looked at my life how I don't have any friends, how all my efforts running societies, sports clubs, sitting on committees and doing every extra curricular activity I can find time for to make me stand out wasn't enough. I was now struggling with my course and I had no friends to seek help from. I became nocturnal, I would sleep over 10 hours and some nights for 15 hours, I ended up staying 2 months in bed, only eating 1 take out meal a day, starving with no appetite, avoiding any confrontations, refusing to even try course works and not even attending any of my exams, all alone, sad and when I would try and seek help I never got the help I needed so I ended up giving up, I ignored my usual summer job so I lost that, I cut myself away from everyone, it gives me anxiety to be recognise. I was meant to be someone who was meant to go to big places and make everyone proud but now I am just hiding from the world hoping no one discovers the true fraud I am. I got my results and they want to me repeat modules as 2nd attempt I didn't even submit an extenuating circumstances and didn't even appeal to have them as 1st attempt even when I have counselling letters, doctors notes and medication to prove my case. I just don't want to live, I've become weaker, I don't want to exist to people, I just want to be alone and have 0 impact on anyone. I don't tell anyone what's going on because they would be shocked and won't believe me. I can't pull myself up anymore I've done it so many times and now I just can't. I need help but I don't want to be helped, it's like I believe I deserve to hit this low. I'm just confused and don't know where to start.

Reply 1

cheesecakelove

First of all, don't keep everything to yourself - is there a friend or family member you trust who you can to talk to?

Secondly, you have to want to carry on. If you have no self-motivation, it can be hard to achieve your goals. I know it is hard but you have to find it somewhere, and posting on here is a sign you want things to change. Tell me a little about your degree, what did you study and what grade do you get? When applying, did you have any idea of what kind of career you wanted to go into? Did you use your university careers service as they can help with finding vacancies, writing CVs and applications?

It can be demoralising when you are unemployed and receiving rejection after rejection. Try to apply for the jobs that suit you, your qualifications and your work experience, rather than applying for everything. If you need further experience, look to internships or volunteering to boost your skills, or online courses to keep you up to date (depending on what you are applying for) Tailor each application to each vacancy, making sure you present yourself as someone who fits the job description well. If you need help, use your uni careers service, get someone to look over your application or TSR has a CV Help section.

At the same time, you need to look after your personal life too. Set a routine - wake up the same time, go to sleep the same time, eat regularly. Maybe go out and do some hobbies or exercise to keep you busy and get out of the house. In your spare time you can look at some volunteering - this will allow you to meet more people. Try to keep in touch with your friends and contacts from uni, even though they might not be near you, to cut yourself off from people is not the best thing.

You need to recognise that it takes time to find a job and build a life that you are happy with, and you have to be willing to put in the effort. After university, I was unemployed for nearly a year. It can be the worst feeling and I understand the need to not want to talk about your job search with others. However, I did set a routine, where I would concentrate on job hunting for a few hours a day, go out to the library for a walk, started volunteering at a local charity job, started reading more and creating blogs about books and TV. You need to look after yourself whilst at the same time, remaining focused on your job hunt.

Reply 2

Getpumped

Go gym
Smash it out
Become a BEAST

Reply 3

jennybear

Remember it may be a dark time now, but if you persist on, it will get better for you. Like the previous poster has said, you need to consider getting into a regular routine and getting back on track. Think how hard you've worked up until now - you deserve much better life chances, and to obtain them you will have to push yourself more.

Unfortunately rejections are a common occurrence for many people - you mentioned that you've applied for over 100 jobs. This does not mean that you are a failure, in any way, shape or form. It just means that you perhaps need to re-consider any applications that you make to see how you can be a stronger candidate and get the job you want. May I ask what sector/career you want to go into?

At the end of the day, you're not a waste of space and YOU ARE WORTH IT. You obviously have many achievements and attributes - you were able to get into university, take an active role in activities/societies and obtain high marks. Away from education, obviously I don't know you, but I doubt there's nothing interesting about you.

Good luck :smile:

Remember, keep trying. I'm here if you need to PM me if you want to chat or anything :smile:

Reply 4

LouiseRu

I believe that the high expectations that you have had of yourself and those that people around you have of you, have led you to this place.

You have been brought up to succeed and perhaps until now you have always been reasonable successful. Unfortunately when things did not go to plan you have no experience to draw on to help you through this point.

Also the weight of others expectations is weighting you down as you feel that you have failed them.

Then not knowing what to do has sent you into a downwards spiral.

Your feelings of helplessness are sending you lower and your own descriptions of your behaviour show a clearly depressed person.

But you can rescue yourself you just need to have some idea of how to break the cycle.

First go to medical services such as your GP and show them this post.

You need time off immediately to recover from your depression and exhaustion with medication and therapy.

Have you got a supportive tutor or student advisor to help with an appeals procedure given the illness you have been suffering from, to enable you to resit your exams as a first attempt given the proof you have of your illness.

You do not need to carry all the problems on your shoulders yourself but you need to allow people to help you.

As for work related activities let this go for now.
You need to work on yourself and get better.

I think that your depression has been sensed by other people and this is what is driving them away.

From now on only be responsible for your own happiness not other people's.
Do not worry what other people think about you and what you should be doing or achieving as this is not the way to happiness.

Hopefully a rest from this situation will give you a better perspective.
Concentrate on getting better and finishing your degree.

Try for a first but do not be too hung up on this.

From an employers point of view a rounded candidate with good experience and a 2.1 is better than a candidate with just a first.

You can pick up on work related efforts later.

However if you are looking at going into a particular industry the best person to advise you on how to do this is a person already working there.
Failing that try posting on this forum.

Reply 5

Analyst89

Hey,

Go to the gym, eat healthy food, get some fresh air.

You can study a masters or postgraduate course or even a second degree with the Open University online where you can pay monthly.

You can go to a GP who may refer you to a therapist.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

I have one friend halfway across the planet away from me that I am intouch with.

I'm posting on here because I'm afraid of the world finding out what I've become but at the same time this fear isn't enough to make me do anything, I know this is a bad place but it feels so comfortable.

My degree is MEng Chemical engineering I now have been put on the BEng course and will have to repeat 3rd year due to failing 4 modules. It's clear I wish to be a Safety Engineer so I applied to chemical industries placements. I would regularly attend career services. I have a 2 week chemical industrial experience, then lots of volunteering experience related to leading community projects.

The routine is something I tried to fix all year but kept breaking. I had plenty of hobbies playing a sport, running societies and always was a busy person but since giving up it don't have hobbies only escapes such as fortnite and making model kits. I just haven't got a routine to work for me.

I've been missing for long it makes me very anxious what people will say if I contact them and I feel telling them the truth is too shocking. I'm just not good at looking after myself, I went through a period of living in a complete dump, no clean clothes and unwashed in weeks without sight of sunlight this is the kind of levels I go to.

I've just built up an environment where when i hear positives i have 100s of negatives to push them away. Like hearing things like "You are worth it" is laughable in my eyes...not to be rude. I've become a very bitter jealous selfish person. I know I am a very interesting person but now this just feels the end.

Yes I agree expectations from myself and others is the cause. I've failed on numerous times and always found a way to make it but this time I feel doomed. I am in a cycle that needs to be broken. I went to uni yesterday to see counselling, mental health advisor, tutor, academic advisor however none of them were available all I learnt was the appeal deadline was earlier this week so I missed my chance.

I am thankful for all of you who have put in effort to reply to me.

Reply 7

LouiseRu

Original post by Anonymous

Please do not give up now.

Your posting shows that you really want to move forward.

I feel that perhaps you see showing yourself as vulnerable is showing that you are weak.

Perhaps you grow up in an environment that sees this as an undesirable character issue.

You are right now in a vulnerable position .

Write a letter, the same letter, to each of the people that you should have seen on your trip and hand deliver to the University.

Explain exactly what happened to you and be completely honest.

They may be shocked but this will make them spring into action to help you.

Now next go and see your GP.

Go early in the morning when the practice opens and get a same day emergency appointment.
Give the GP the same letter and let them read it so you do not falter in telling them the details.
Accept all help offered.

You also need a test for Vitamin D deficiency.
Your lack of sun exposure will cause this deficiency as it comes from sun exposure mainly
not food.

There is not a good supply from October to April in this country.

Symptoms are lack of energy or get up and go, feeling depressed and anxious, painful muscles and bones.

Think of a time when you were very tired and how little things overwhelmed you.
Things that normally you would have shrugged off.

Now think of feeling depressed and it having the same effect.

Your job front now on is getting you back to normal so you feel normal again and able to deal with life problems without being so overwhelmed.

Start with regaining your mental health.

Create a routine for this, regular sleep, good food, time outside with physical activities.
Also time for create a decent place to live in not a dump.

Start here and then post again when you can tackle your course and employment problems.