Need to get this off my chest - please advise (big writeup)
This is probably gonna be a long post, maybe I'll delete this if it isn't. I'll be very surprised if you actually stick around to the end.
I've never really dated, last time I had a girlfriend was a 2-week thing atleast 6 years ago. I'm a young adult now. At the beginning of the year, I went out and met this girl. First time I ever went out out as a young adult - it was arranged that me and my best friend were going out with these two girls we'd never even met before. We'll call my girl Charlotte. We had a great night, it was a Friday - so good that they asked us to go out out AGAIN the following day. Having an amazing night, my friend's 'girl' pulls me aside and asks me what I thought of Charlotte. A little drunk, I said I thought she was pretty cute, which was true, and she told me that she thought the same about me and told me to 'go for it'. So, immediately after me and Charlotte end up dancing together for the first time, and I was really into it. I had my eyes shut and I was mouthing the words to the song that was on; I had my first kiss there and then. She surprised me with it and came onto me while I was doing my thing and it was a really amazing moment, right in the middle of the room. I've never felt so happy. I remember it like yesterday. And then we kissed again shortly after and carried on with our night. She doesn't know that was my first kiss.
We grew closer and closer over the next few months, going out and doing more stuff that friends or people who are dating would do. Met her family, went cinema, had dinner, she met my family, - even now, today, there hasn't been a single day where we haven't spoken to each other. For 6 months. About 2, maybe 3 months ago now, I decided I was finally going to ask her out. I know I waited too long, but like I said, I've never done this before. Anyway, I told her I wanted to call her and we had a little plan in place to meet up, have dinner and go to the movies - but she said she couldn't call, and I couldn't wait any more. So, write as I'm typing the text to ask her out on an actual date, she tells me, 'I need to tell you something I haven't told anyone yet' - I asked what, thinking it was important, and then I probably had the worst day of my life. She told me she 'found a guy that she really likes'... In a panic, I asked her out to dinner anyway. She knew I had 'something' to tell her, too, but I'm pretty sure she knew what it was before it was even coming. Me, waiting too long, was the biggest mistake in this entire damn story. She's had alot of tough relationships, and has alot of experience, unlike me, so I'm not surprised she moved on. I can't blame her.
We had dinner, had a pretty good time, and at the end of the dinner we talked about 'me and her in a relationship' - she tells me she thought it wouldn't have worked. I asked why, and she says, 'because I'm too... Me.' I was angry, sad, and kinda annoyed at the time so I didn't press her further, but I wish I did. I thought she lied, which she might've very well have done just to save me extra heartbreak. In any case, we went home and I, admittedly texted her after; kinda just getting it off my chest I suppose. I told her that if it doesn't go well with her 'tinder man', I'll be asking her out on a date. I know it wasn't a great thing to say, and it kinda places me as a second choice, but I needed to get it off my chest so bad. I couldn't take it. Needed her to hear it. Regardless, our relationship kinda drifted a bit since then, she's not as excited as she used to be when we talk, she doesn't tag me in as much stuff but we're still very close. I'd even say best friends, and it sucks. I used to put off talking to her about her tinder man because it made me angry whenever she did, of course she didn't know that though. They moved very quickly.
To cut the rest short, yesterday we were at a house get-together. She's been talking to me alot more recently! Almost as much as she did when we met. Her best friend and his girlfriend were there, as well as me and Charlotte. I arrive, I got the sense from the look in their eyes that they might've just finished talking about me (Charlotte and her Best friends' girlfriend). I can't really explain it, but I just felt like I interrupted something, it felt alot about me. As the night continued, BF Girlfriend made a few sexual jokes and looked at the both of us while she did them... I was just confused. I'm not the kind of guy to slide in on someone while they already have a boyfriend, which Charlotte does at this point.
Charlotte ended up going off about her tinder man, apparently he's been very distant and wasn't willing to sacrifice a night out with his friends to see her, as they soon won't be able to for 2 weeks. She's upset. I can tell she was angry and she clearly doesn't want to lose this guy, but all of us at this get-together were telling her that she's being messed around, and we were the only ones that seemed to see that it was driving her nuts. In any case, I suddenly feel like I have another chance, if she doesn't grow interested in another- however this takes me back to my earlier point. I felt like they were talking about me, and a-lot of jokes and inside jokes were being made, kinda about me and her. I could feel it, as much as she tried to hide it. I know something happened about me. Her best friends' girlfriend was making a huge effort in talking to me, which was new.
I don't really know what my next step should be. I won't be talking to her much for the next 5 days as she's away with a friend of hers, and she seems so down about her current situation with tinder man, she doesn't really seem to want to talk about it. With me, or anyone. Maybe I'm saying the wrong things, maybe she remembers what I texted her after our dinner.
The thing I have on my mind right now is that, if things continue to go sour over the next week with tinder man, I'm tempted to try and meet up with her and just flat-out tell her that I'm in love with her. I've never done it before, and I've rehearsed it a-lot in my head. I once tried a few months ago, but I didn't. I made excuses. I don't want to make that same mistake again, atleast not before it's too late. Telling her how my chest feels heavy when she's around, something honest. It's such a risky move though. It might ruin our friendship, and in sense she's still dating that tinder guy. It goes against all my morals, really. Should I wait for her to flesh out what's going on with her tinder man? Try something else? Maybe, if I do tell her that I love her, tell her to go home and think about it? (I feel like she's more likely to say no if that happens though
) I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure. I don't want to go through that again, but at the same time... I don't know. This girl means so much to me. She doesn't even know. It seems clear to me that she just looks at me like a friend, I still just feel like I need to tell her though. At some point. Someone speak the right words pls.
I've never really dated, last time I had a girlfriend was a 2-week thing atleast 6 years ago. I'm a young adult now. At the beginning of the year, I went out and met this girl. First time I ever went out out as a young adult - it was arranged that me and my best friend were going out with these two girls we'd never even met before. We'll call my girl Charlotte. We had a great night, it was a Friday - so good that they asked us to go out out AGAIN the following day. Having an amazing night, my friend's 'girl' pulls me aside and asks me what I thought of Charlotte. A little drunk, I said I thought she was pretty cute, which was true, and she told me that she thought the same about me and told me to 'go for it'. So, immediately after me and Charlotte end up dancing together for the first time, and I was really into it. I had my eyes shut and I was mouthing the words to the song that was on; I had my first kiss there and then. She surprised me with it and came onto me while I was doing my thing and it was a really amazing moment, right in the middle of the room. I've never felt so happy. I remember it like yesterday. And then we kissed again shortly after and carried on with our night. She doesn't know that was my first kiss.
We grew closer and closer over the next few months, going out and doing more stuff that friends or people who are dating would do. Met her family, went cinema, had dinner, she met my family, - even now, today, there hasn't been a single day where we haven't spoken to each other. For 6 months. About 2, maybe 3 months ago now, I decided I was finally going to ask her out. I know I waited too long, but like I said, I've never done this before. Anyway, I told her I wanted to call her and we had a little plan in place to meet up, have dinner and go to the movies - but she said she couldn't call, and I couldn't wait any more. So, write as I'm typing the text to ask her out on an actual date, she tells me, 'I need to tell you something I haven't told anyone yet' - I asked what, thinking it was important, and then I probably had the worst day of my life. She told me she 'found a guy that she really likes'... In a panic, I asked her out to dinner anyway. She knew I had 'something' to tell her, too, but I'm pretty sure she knew what it was before it was even coming. Me, waiting too long, was the biggest mistake in this entire damn story. She's had alot of tough relationships, and has alot of experience, unlike me, so I'm not surprised she moved on. I can't blame her.
We had dinner, had a pretty good time, and at the end of the dinner we talked about 'me and her in a relationship' - she tells me she thought it wouldn't have worked. I asked why, and she says, 'because I'm too... Me.' I was angry, sad, and kinda annoyed at the time so I didn't press her further, but I wish I did. I thought she lied, which she might've very well have done just to save me extra heartbreak. In any case, we went home and I, admittedly texted her after; kinda just getting it off my chest I suppose. I told her that if it doesn't go well with her 'tinder man', I'll be asking her out on a date. I know it wasn't a great thing to say, and it kinda places me as a second choice, but I needed to get it off my chest so bad. I couldn't take it. Needed her to hear it. Regardless, our relationship kinda drifted a bit since then, she's not as excited as she used to be when we talk, she doesn't tag me in as much stuff but we're still very close. I'd even say best friends, and it sucks. I used to put off talking to her about her tinder man because it made me angry whenever she did, of course she didn't know that though. They moved very quickly.
To cut the rest short, yesterday we were at a house get-together. She's been talking to me alot more recently! Almost as much as she did when we met. Her best friend and his girlfriend were there, as well as me and Charlotte. I arrive, I got the sense from the look in their eyes that they might've just finished talking about me (Charlotte and her Best friends' girlfriend). I can't really explain it, but I just felt like I interrupted something, it felt alot about me. As the night continued, BF Girlfriend made a few sexual jokes and looked at the both of us while she did them... I was just confused. I'm not the kind of guy to slide in on someone while they already have a boyfriend, which Charlotte does at this point.
Charlotte ended up going off about her tinder man, apparently he's been very distant and wasn't willing to sacrifice a night out with his friends to see her, as they soon won't be able to for 2 weeks. She's upset. I can tell she was angry and she clearly doesn't want to lose this guy, but all of us at this get-together were telling her that she's being messed around, and we were the only ones that seemed to see that it was driving her nuts. In any case, I suddenly feel like I have another chance, if she doesn't grow interested in another- however this takes me back to my earlier point. I felt like they were talking about me, and a-lot of jokes and inside jokes were being made, kinda about me and her. I could feel it, as much as she tried to hide it. I know something happened about me. Her best friends' girlfriend was making a huge effort in talking to me, which was new.
I don't really know what my next step should be. I won't be talking to her much for the next 5 days as she's away with a friend of hers, and she seems so down about her current situation with tinder man, she doesn't really seem to want to talk about it. With me, or anyone. Maybe I'm saying the wrong things, maybe she remembers what I texted her after our dinner.
The thing I have on my mind right now is that, if things continue to go sour over the next week with tinder man, I'm tempted to try and meet up with her and just flat-out tell her that I'm in love with her. I've never done it before, and I've rehearsed it a-lot in my head. I once tried a few months ago, but I didn't. I made excuses. I don't want to make that same mistake again, atleast not before it's too late. Telling her how my chest feels heavy when she's around, something honest. It's such a risky move though. It might ruin our friendship, and in sense she's still dating that tinder guy. It goes against all my morals, really. Should I wait for her to flesh out what's going on with her tinder man? Try something else? Maybe, if I do tell her that I love her, tell her to go home and think about it? (I feel like she's more likely to say no if that happens though
) I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure. I don't want to go through that again, but at the same time... I don't know. This girl means so much to me. She doesn't even know. It seems clear to me that she just looks at me like a friend, I still just feel like I need to tell her though. At some point. Someone speak the right words pls.Scroll to see replies
i cannot believe i actually read that whole thing
Original post by ThronesRanger
i cannot believe i actually read that whole thing
i dont believe you did period lmao
only hit me how big it was once i posted it hahaha
Too long to read but I get the gist. You like a girl but she has a BF. I'd rather stay away from her. Better to be safe than sorry.
Original post by Baza2002
I've read it all.
I'd say do something to impress her and then tell her you love her
I'd say do something to impress her and then tell her you love her
you're a bigger man than most sir
Thanks though seriously, didn't think of doing that oddly enough. It'll help if I go through with it.
I’ve read this all- as a 19 year old girl this is so shocking for me to read. I’m the type of girl who if I’m seeing a person I won’t see anyone else, especially if we had lots of fun dates like you stated you did with your girlfriend like going to the cinema, dinner, etc! I’m shocked she chose this “ tinder man” over you!!! I’ve recentlt broken up with my ex because he still had tinder whilst we were together- he took my on AMAZING dates to the shard, took me on holiday but he still had th audacity to cheat. I was heartbroken over it and for two weeks I constantly tried to make contact with him and his friends but please DON’T do this as it will self destruct you. Now I’m over it and regret chasing him. I know it sucks sooooo much that she’s chosen this guy who probably isn’t even half of you. Sometimes people have insecurities, or their afraid of committing to someone great because they’re scared of what’s going to happen! I know you don’t want your heartbroken which is why it’s best to keep this girl at arms length. One day she’ll realise how good you were to her. Boys like you are actually very hard to come by, this tinder boy might only want a shag for all you know? Then she will be hurt and come back to you!! I wish you the best of luck because I’ve been in this situation a lot and I can say it’s super bad for your self esteem sometimes! Good luck babes x
sounds like a script for a romantic movie
Very often in life, we place our happiness on someone else. Unfortunately, the only way we can find this is inside of ourselves.
It's time for you to work on yourself. What makes you happy as a person? What has hurt you in this life? Do things you enjoy. Keep a diary of all of your positive experiences. Spend time alone and reflect on your past.
It's time for you to let go of this person.
Plus you'll be a WAY more attractive person if you have your own life.
If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you anyway. But for God's sake, focus on yourself! Take up volunteering or something. I feel you, I feel your pain. It's time for you to go on a journey.
It's time for you to work on yourself. What makes you happy as a person? What has hurt you in this life? Do things you enjoy. Keep a diary of all of your positive experiences. Spend time alone and reflect on your past.
It's time for you to let go of this person.
Plus you'll be a WAY more attractive person if you have your own life.
If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you anyway. But for God's sake, focus on yourself! Take up volunteering or something. I feel you, I feel your pain. It's time for you to go on a journey.
Original post by Ray_Shadows
sounds like a script for a romantic movie
kinda does
i regret the attention this is getting imma have to PM a mod later lol
yes sir you did /clap
Alot of people telling me to move on, but it ain't as simple as that. As easy as that, anyway. I'm at a stage with this person where, they know everything about me. There are things I know about her, and things she knows about me, that neither of us have told our anyone before each other. It ain't as simple as to just air someone away like that. We aren't lovers obviously but without a doubt, best friends.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve read this all- as a 19 year old girl this is so shocking for me to read. I’m the type of girl who if I’m seeing a person I won’t see anyone else, especially if we had lots of fun dates like you stated you did with your girlfriend like going to the cinema, dinner, etc! I’m shocked she chose this “ tinder man” over you!!! I’ve recentlt broken up with my ex because he still had tinder whilst we were together- he took my on AMAZING dates to the shard, took me on holiday but he still had th audacity to cheat. I was heartbroken over it and for two weeks I constantly tried to make contact with him and his friends but please DON’T do this as it will self destruct you. Now I’m over it and regret chasing him. I know it sucks sooooo much that she’s chosen this guy who probably isn’t even half of you. Sometimes people have insecurities, or their afraid of committing to someone great because they’re scared of what’s going to happen! I know you don’t want your heartbroken which is why it’s best to keep this girl at arms length. One day she’ll realise how good you were to her. Boys like you are actually very hard to come by, this tinder boy might only want a shag for all you know? Then she will be hurt and come back to you!! I wish you the best of luck because I’ve been in this situation a lot and I can say it’s super bad for your self esteem sometimes! Good luck babes x
Thanks, some kind comments in there. Think what you said about insecurities or whatever is probably what happened. Could I possibly PM you somehow? Both posted anon, think it'd be nicer to discuss.
Be open about your feelings and talk about it. The worst that can happen is that she will not feel the same way as you. Life is about learning and how we experience relationships are hugely important for our emotional and social intelligence. No one likes feeling rejected or heartbroken, but what you learn from these experiences is to set your own expectations, to respect yourself. Remember that you have value, someone will see that in you. It does get better!
(edited 5 years ago)
After reading this I can see how much you like this girl and it pains me to read it really because it sounds like you're into her more than she is into you Anyway, I feel like if you wanted to fully move on with your life, you need to tell her how you feel because you will ALWAYS wonder what if. If you do this and she rejects you then you can know that you did all you can and although it might take what feels like a life time to move on, you should. Let's not be completely negative here and hope that she responds positively to this confession... This could happen as she could be with tinder man because maybe she thought that you didn't like her as it took you so long to admit that but when you did it was too late?
Sorry that was kinda long but good luck, you sound like a great guy that doesn't deserve so much hassle!
Anyway, I feel like if you wanted to fully move on with your life, you need to tell her how you feel because you will ALWAYS wonder what if. If you do this and she rejects you then you can know that you did all you can and although it might take what feels like a life time to move on, you should. Let's not be completely negative here and hope that she responds positively to this confession... This could happen as she could be with tinder man because maybe she thought that you didn't like her as it took you so long to admit that but when you did it was too late? Sorry that was kinda long but good luck, you sound like a great guy that doesn't deserve so much hassle!
Original post by Anonymous
kinda does
i regret the attention this is getting imma have to PM a mod later lol
yes sir you did /clap
Alot of people telling me to move on, but it ain't as simple as that. As easy as that, anyway. I'm at a stage with this person where, they know everything about me. There are things I know about her, and things she knows about me, that neither of us have told our anyone before each other. It ain't as simple as to just air someone away like that. We aren't lovers obviously but without a doubt, best friends.
Thanks, some kind comments in there. Think what you said about insecurities or whatever is probably what happened. Could I possibly PM you somehow? Both posted anon, think it'd be nicer to discuss.
i regret the attention this is getting imma have to PM a mod later lol
yes sir you did /clap
Alot of people telling me to move on, but it ain't as simple as that. As easy as that, anyway. I'm at a stage with this person where, they know everything about me. There are things I know about her, and things she knows about me, that neither of us have told our anyone before each other. It ain't as simple as to just air someone away like that. We aren't lovers obviously but without a doubt, best friends.
Thanks, some kind comments in there. Think what you said about insecurities or whatever is probably what happened. Could I possibly PM you somehow? Both posted anon, think it'd be nicer to discuss.
Yeah of course- not sure how to do it but my username is mojitogirl on here so feel free to message me!!
i read it all, and honestly coming from a girls p.o.v i would tell her. If i was in her position (and it sounds like shes drifting or isn't happy with who she is with, and could possibly [still] have feelings for you?). Like other have said- if she shoots you down and you drift away it's her loss! if she shoots you down you will pick yourself back up and eventually get over it and it means she's happy with who shes with, but if she doesn't then great, maybe something can develop and you can get what you've wanted? i don't see how it could go THAT wrong, sure shes with someone but what are they going to do? not like she's cheating with you? Honestly go for it hun, i think you'll be surprised and it will lift a weight off your shoulders and you will feel so much better. Good luck x
I'm sorry man but you need to move on.
she went on dates with you etc but it sounds like it was never really more than that to her. if she liked you she would have said yes, no excuses. she said that she is "too her" to date you, well if she felt like she couldn't date anybody then she wouldn't have been trying to get with somebody else.
she's mugging you off and you don't deserve it
she went on dates with you etc but it sounds like it was never really more than that to her. if she liked you she would have said yes, no excuses. she said that she is "too her" to date you, well if she felt like she couldn't date anybody then she wouldn't have been trying to get with somebody else.
she's mugging you off and you don't deserve it
(edited 5 years ago)
I read the whole thing. Some lessons you need to learn from this experience:
-Never EVER discuss a girl's relationships/crushes with her if you're interested in her. It puts you deeper into the friendzone.
-The signs were there from the very beginning when she gave you a deliberately vague answer "because I'm too me". It's obvious she was never interested.
-You must know already, you left it way too late to ask her out. Never put it off - next time you meet a girl you like, if the opportunity is there, just take it. If she rejects you, move on swiftly just like this girl did. The later you leave it, the less likely she is to say yes.
-It sounds like you're getting a bit too obsessed over this girl. Forget about her and cut contact if you have to. Getting emotional over her will make you irrational, you'll start making poor decisions and saying the wrong things to her which will push her further away. Girls need to occupy as little space in your mind as possible.
Trust me, I've been at both ends of the spectrum. I've asked out girls too late and too early. If you leave it too late, you're almost guaranteed to end up with a rejection, but if you go in too early there's a slim chance of her saying yes. Depends on the girl. The last girl I asked out too early said no, so I ignored her, then she got annoyed and said she wants to stay friends, but now ignores me herself. Whereas my ex from a few years ago said yes after I asked her out within about 2 weeks of meeting her. See what I mean? Girls are weird and unpredictable. Don't take rejection personally, it's got nothing to do with you as a person.
-Never EVER discuss a girl's relationships/crushes with her if you're interested in her. It puts you deeper into the friendzone.
-The signs were there from the very beginning when she gave you a deliberately vague answer "because I'm too me". It's obvious she was never interested.
-You must know already, you left it way too late to ask her out. Never put it off - next time you meet a girl you like, if the opportunity is there, just take it. If she rejects you, move on swiftly just like this girl did. The later you leave it, the less likely she is to say yes.
-It sounds like you're getting a bit too obsessed over this girl. Forget about her and cut contact if you have to. Getting emotional over her will make you irrational, you'll start making poor decisions and saying the wrong things to her which will push her further away. Girls need to occupy as little space in your mind as possible.
Trust me, I've been at both ends of the spectrum. I've asked out girls too late and too early. If you leave it too late, you're almost guaranteed to end up with a rejection, but if you go in too early there's a slim chance of her saying yes. Depends on the girl. The last girl I asked out too early said no, so I ignored her, then she got annoyed and said she wants to stay friends, but now ignores me herself. Whereas my ex from a few years ago said yes after I asked her out within about 2 weeks of meeting her. See what I mean? Girls are weird and unpredictable. Don't take rejection personally, it's got nothing to do with you as a person.
A theme that comes across from the OP is too much thinking and not enough doing. This is understandable when you've never had a sexual relationship before.
Am I right in thinking that you were in touch with this young woman for 4 months after the initial and never had sex with her?
Given the way your relationship started, going out with her 2 nights in a row, that's far too long. Next time you're given such an opportunity move in with the intent of making love with her. 100% fully and instantly respect any refusal on her part for sex. Don't be a rapist. But on the other hand don't be limp wristed. Show her that your deeply attracted to her and can't help wanting to make love with her.
That's why she said you were "too me". You spent far too long without making a move to get into bed with her. You weren't picking up on the signs that she wanted to do that with you. You missed your chance. I don't blame her one bit for looking elsewhere.
You can tell any woman that you love them. But, in the early stages it's better to SHOW them that you love them or are falling in love with them. That's because saying "I love you" can seem like an ultimatum. Better to give them sincere and honest compliment, to tell them what you like most about them.
Don't get oneitis. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't get obsessive over one woman.
Going from being friends with someone to making love with them is not some huge stuck together forever-more decision. It's just a natural progression for two people that are single.
And yes there is a high probability that Mr Tinder is not as good for this young woman as he at first appeared to be. Meaning that you still have a realistic chance to become her sexual partner instead.
Next time you see her, take a modest bunch of flowers and as you hand them over, say "These are just to thank you for all the lovely times we've shared together so far".
Edit: and as for you saying this "I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure". That does come across as you being far too self centred and taking yourself far too seriously. It is also totally ridiculous. You're getting heartbroken over someone you've not even slept with?
Am I right in thinking that you were in touch with this young woman for 4 months after the initial and never had sex with her?
Given the way your relationship started, going out with her 2 nights in a row, that's far too long. Next time you're given such an opportunity move in with the intent of making love with her. 100% fully and instantly respect any refusal on her part for sex. Don't be a rapist. But on the other hand don't be limp wristed. Show her that your deeply attracted to her and can't help wanting to make love with her.
That's why she said you were "too me". You spent far too long without making a move to get into bed with her. You weren't picking up on the signs that she wanted to do that with you. You missed your chance. I don't blame her one bit for looking elsewhere.
You can tell any woman that you love them. But, in the early stages it's better to SHOW them that you love them or are falling in love with them. That's because saying "I love you" can seem like an ultimatum. Better to give them sincere and honest compliment, to tell them what you like most about them.
Don't get oneitis. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't get obsessive over one woman.
Going from being friends with someone to making love with them is not some huge stuck together forever-more decision. It's just a natural progression for two people that are single.
And yes there is a high probability that Mr Tinder is not as good for this young woman as he at first appeared to be. Meaning that you still have a realistic chance to become her sexual partner instead.
Next time you see her, take a modest bunch of flowers and as you hand them over, say "These are just to thank you for all the lovely times we've shared together so far".
Edit: and as for you saying this "I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure". That does come across as you being far too self centred and taking yourself far too seriously. It is also totally ridiculous. You're getting heartbroken over someone you've not even slept with?
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
A theme that comes across from the OP is too much thinking and not enough doing. This is understandable when you've never had a sexual relationship before.
Am I right in thinking that you were in touch with this young woman for 4 months after the initial and never had sex with her?
Given the way your relationship started, going out with her 2 nights in a row, that's far too long. Next time you're given such an opportunity move in with the intent of making love with her. 100% fully and instantly respect any refusal on her part for sex. Don't be a rapist. But on the other hand don't be limp wristed. Show her that your deeply attracted to her and can't help wanting to make love with her.
That's why she said you were "too me". You spent far too long without making a move to get into bed with her. You weren't picking up on the signs that she wanted to do that with you. You missed your chance. I don't blame her one bit for looking elsewhere.
You can tell any woman that you love them. But, in the early stages it's better to SHOW them that you love them or are falling in love with them. That's because saying "I love you" can seem like an ultimatum. Better to give them sincere and honest compliment, to tell them what you like most about them.
Don't get oneitis. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't get obsessive over one woman.
Going from being friends with someone to making love with them is not some huge stuck together forever-more decision. It's just a natural progression for two people that are single.
And yes there is a high probability that Mr Tinder is not as good for this young woman as he at first appeared to be. Meaning that you still have a realistic chance to become her sexual partner instead.
Next time you see her, take a modest bunch of flowers and as you hand them over, say "These are just to thank you for all the lovely times we've shared together so far".
Edit: and as for you saying this "I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure". That does come across as you being far too self centred and taking yourself far too seriously. It is also totally ridiculous. You're getting heartbroken over someone you've not even slept with?
Am I right in thinking that you were in touch with this young woman for 4 months after the initial and never had sex with her?
Given the way your relationship started, going out with her 2 nights in a row, that's far too long. Next time you're given such an opportunity move in with the intent of making love with her. 100% fully and instantly respect any refusal on her part for sex. Don't be a rapist. But on the other hand don't be limp wristed. Show her that your deeply attracted to her and can't help wanting to make love with her.
That's why she said you were "too me". You spent far too long without making a move to get into bed with her. You weren't picking up on the signs that she wanted to do that with you. You missed your chance. I don't blame her one bit for looking elsewhere.
You can tell any woman that you love them. But, in the early stages it's better to SHOW them that you love them or are falling in love with them. That's because saying "I love you" can seem like an ultimatum. Better to give them sincere and honest compliment, to tell them what you like most about them.
Don't get oneitis. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't get obsessive over one woman.
Going from being friends with someone to making love with them is not some huge stuck together forever-more decision. It's just a natural progression for two people that are single.
And yes there is a high probability that Mr Tinder is not as good for this young woman as he at first appeared to be. Meaning that you still have a realistic chance to become her sexual partner instead.
Next time you see her, take a modest bunch of flowers and as you hand them over, say "These are just to thank you for all the lovely times we've shared together so far".
Edit: and as for you saying this "I told my best friend I feel like I'm setting myself up for another heartbreak, another failure". That does come across as you being far too self centred and taking yourself far too seriously. It is also totally ridiculous. You're getting heartbroken over someone you've not even slept with?
That was some serious advice man, thank you. I agree with everything you said, I'm glad it all happened in some sense because I guess I had to learn sooner or later lmao.
To update y'all though, that tinder guy literally dumped her this morning. I don't even think I knew that was coming. She's depressed about it. I was invited to some drinks by her best friend and his girlfriend yesterday for the weekend, I was thinking about telling her best friend's girlfriend how I felt as they're kinda close. Go from there. Does it count as 'thinking, not doing' if they've just gone through a breakup? I don't wanna be -too- quick here.
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