What Is Wrong With Arranged Marriage? Watch

username2400323
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I see it something like family members just suggesting people you might like to be with. Some of my white mates think its some extreme forceful sht where you get married based on a picture you see of each other 😂. I guess that would be more forced marriage.

Do you think arranged marriage and forced marriage are often confused?
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Muudeey
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
I see it something like family members just suggesting people you might like to be with. Some of my white mates think its some extreme forceful sht where you get married based on a picture you see of each other 😂. I guess that would be more forced marriage.

Do you think arranged marriage and forced marriage are often confused?
Maybe in England arranged marriage is kinda like having options but in other countries it pretty much is forced marriage.
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username2400323
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(Original post by Muudeey)
Maybe in England arranged marriage is kinda like having options but in other countries it pretty much is forced marriage.
Still, I don't see the issue being with people encouraging others to consider their daughter/son but being with use of force. I think people wrongly assume arranged marriage is always forceful.
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username4168110
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
Still, I don't see the issue being with people encouraging others to consider their daughter/son but being with use of force. I think people wrongly assume arranged marriage is always forceful.
kind of is forceful cos its family pressure and your parents are picking out a person for you
its not really love either lol
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username2400323
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(Original post by alevelshelpit)
kind of is forceful cos its family pressure and your parents are picking out a person for you
its not really love either lol
True sometimes it can be. However, family pressure is not force as in you have no choice. At least from what I see it is more like you have options to choose from. After choosing you then get to know the people a little more and as for if it is true love or not...well who is in love with anyone from first sight? That's a bunch of bs lol. Parents choosing can cause issues but again- there can be a good matter of free will so if you dislike who is chosen you can decline.
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username2400323
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I have a similar view to you petrol but I don't really get what you mean about what the purpose of arrange marriage initially was. If it was something in the past should not be more concerning that what it is now. In a lot of places it is not something a reasonable person would class as promoting a demonic ideology.
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username4168110
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
True sometimes it can be. However, family pressure is not force as in you have no choice. At least from what I see it is more like you have options to choose from. After choosing you then get to know the people a little more and as for if it is true love or not...well who is in love with anyone from first sight? That's a bunch of bs lol. Parents choosing can cause issues but again- there can be a good matter of free will so if you dislike who is chosen you can decline.
arranged marriages arent true love lmao
never believed in true love at first sight - you are old enough to find love to yourself but tbh you shouldnt be looking for it it will come to you
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username2400323
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(Original post by alevelshelpit)
arranged marriages arent true love lmao
never believed in true love at first sight - you are old enough to find love to yourself but tbh you shouldnt be looking for it it will come to you
Why is it any different to say Tinder or any of that other bs online stuff people use where they pretty much meet with strangers and 'look' for love
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
Why is it any different to say Tinder or any of that other bs online stuff people use where they pretty much meet with strangers and 'look' for love
you dont get it do you.

arranged marriage involve family and its desperate. it shows that you are incapable of communicating with the opposite gender and need your parents to find a family friend so you can marry them. its actually sad if you think about it cos its not love at all

love comes to you
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Petrol_Head-94
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
I have a similar view to you petrol but I don't really get what you mean about what the purpose of arrange marriage initially was. If it was something in the past should not be more concerning that what it is now. In a lot of places it is not something a reasonable person would class as promoting a demonic ideology.
Well, in the cast system there's segregation and no outsiders are allowed to mingle with them. When you have segregation, you have hierarchy of different levels of classes. It simply builds more walls to divide people, isn't that demonic? How can a society progress when the public is not contributing together, working together and living together. I know that demonic is a very vague answer to the question, I didn't mean to disrespect, I meant to say that it's an inhumane ideology.
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username2400323
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(Original post by alevelshelpit)
you dont get it do you.

arranged marriage involve family and its desperate. it shows that you are incapable of communicating with the opposite gender and need your parents to find a family friend so you can marry them. its actually sad if you think about it cos its not love at all

love comes to you
Wow. I guess you're are right. I just don't see why it would be an issue if you did not follow the standards and did it but in your own slow less desperate way. Also, you do end up communicating with all the opp sex as you look for people just like you would speak when meeting people on dates or whatever. Still, I guess you are right that too much communication can come from your parents BUT this does not always have to be the case.
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bfm.mcdermott
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I think they are often confused and a lot of people who argue against arranged marriages actually have a problem with forced marriages. In other countries, often they are the same thing though.

BUT a lot if people have problems with just arranged marriages too. Nowadays in, say, the UK (or other Western countries), marriage is about love and you finding the right partner. Therefore we find the idea of parents recommending a person to you (1) not for love - it’s just marriage because you’re in the same culture/religion. It’s a marriage of convenience based on status and (2) it’s controlling because your parents are controlling your life too much.

I think the main difference is if it’s an arranged marriage, you probably don’t love each other and might not even be a good match, so you’re just getting married to please your family and to have children. Also the marriages are often not happy because it isn’t the right partner for you - just someone who your parents approve of.

^I mean no disrespect with this. I’m just explaining how a lot of people see it.

Question for OP: What’s the point in an arranged marriage? Why do you think it’s a good idea?
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username2400323
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(Original post by bfm.mcdermott)
I think they are often confused and a lot of people who argue against arranged marriages actually have a problem with forced marriages. In other countries, often they are the same thing though.

BUT a lot if people have problems with just arranged marriages too. Nowadays in, say, the UK (or other Western countries), marriage is about love and you finding the right partner. Therefore we find the idea of parents recommending a person to you (1) not for love - it’s just marriage because you’re in the same culture/religion. It’s a marriage of convenience based on status and (2) it’s controlling because your parents are controlling your life too much.

I think the main difference is if it’s an arranged marriage, you probably don’t love each other and might not even be a good match, so you’re just getting married to please your family and to have children. Also the marriages are often not happy because it isn’t the right partner for you - just someone who your parents approve of.

^I mean no disrespect with this. I’m just explaining how a lot of people see it.

Question for OP: What’s the point in an arranged marriage? Why do you think it’s a good idea?
I haven't decided on if arranged marriage is for me. I just also haven't seen a reason to fully exclude it. I know it can be done the way everyone else does it but does not have to be like that. For example you mention parents being very controlling, well- that does not have to be the case if someone used arranged marriage that involved parents finding them someone but nothing more. It could be excessive communication from parents while it is also possible for this not to be the case. So, when people generalise what it is for everyone it makes little sense to me. We don't all have the same parents yet we assume all arranged marriages would be a certain way. Still, I know parent communication is just one aspect.
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
Wow. I guess you're are right. I just don't see why it would be an issue if you did not follow the standards and did it but in your own slow less desperate way. Also, you do end up communicating with all the opp sex as you look for people just like you would speak when meeting people on dates or whatever. Still, I guess you are right that too much communication can come from your parents BUT this does not always have to be the case.
you have to understand arranged marriages in context because thats why people think its bad

honestly most people who get arranged marriages in our generation lack social skills and wanna marry for the wrong reasons and thats sad.
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Aidenscott19
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
I see it something like family members just suggesting people you might like to be with. Some of my white mates think its some extreme forceful sht where you get married based on a picture you see of each other 😂. I guess that would be more forced marriage.

Do you think arranged marriage and forced marriage are often confused?
My parents would never ever ever suggest me to marry someone. firstly because they know imma c*nt. second i’d never agreed to such a thing!! unless they wanted me to marry ariana grande
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bfm.mcdermott
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(Original post by Dragon5555)
I haven't decided on if arranged marriage is for me. I just also haven't seen a reason to fully exclude it. I know it can be done the way everyone else does it but does not have to be like that. For example you mention parents being very controlling, well- that does not have to be the case if someone used arranged marriage that involved parents finding them someone but nothing more. It could be excessive communication from parents while it is also possible for this not to be the case. So, when people generalise what it is for everyone it makes little sense to me. We don't all have the same parents yet we assume all arranged marriages would be a certain way. Still, I know parent communication is just one aspect.
I get what you mean and yes it will differ between each situation. I would argue it is always controlling though, for lack of a better word. They might not be forceful, so they're just finding someone and giving you the option, but they are still being overly involved in your life. Parents are important but it's your life, not theirs, and from a Western perspective, they shouldn't be deciding things in your life for you beyond childhood. And to be fair, you asked about arranged marriage in general so it's hard not to generalise... But I'm curious - what are the benefits of an arranged marriage for you? And what is your opinion on the fact that it's marriage for status/convenience rather than love?
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londinondi
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(Original post by alevelshelpit)
kind of is forceful cos its family pressure and your parents are picking out a person for you
its not really love either lol
you choose parents don't pick
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There's arranged marriage, and forced marriage, but the dividing line between the two is very, very grey. In the middle are the people who are coerced, or who have verying levels of pressure placed on them to abide by some (in my opinion, backwards) cultural 'tradition', or to do as their parents tell them, when they're more than capable of making their own decisions.

So my view is that of course the absolute 'forced' ones are totally wrong. But then, so is every single 'arranged' marriage that came about as a result of one or both participants being pressured into it - either directly or indirectly - and feeling like they have to/should do it this way because it's 'traditional'.
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username2400323
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(Original post by bfm.mcdermott)
I get what you mean and yes it will differ between each situation. I would argue it is always controlling though, for lack of a better word. They might not be forceful, so they're just finding someone and giving you the option, but they are still being overly involved in your life. Parents are important but it's your life, not theirs, and from a Western perspective, they shouldn't be deciding things in your life for you beyond childhood. And to be fair, you asked about arranged marriage in general so it's hard not to generalise... But I'm curious - what are the benefits of an arranged marriage for you? And what is your opinion on the fact that it's marriage for status/convenience rather than love?
Parents being overly involved? I think it comes down to a matter of respect. I don't mean a random person getting involved in helping you find someone- We're talking about people who should have been with you your whole life. They must know who you are right?

Beyond childhood? So you literally think its Western perspective that you block your parents out so early?

As for how arranged marriage can benefit me- I mentioned its to do with not removing any options because of assumptions people make. You can't lose much form telling your parents to give you suggestions. You can lose much from relying on yourself to find someone. I see so many threads on TSR about people being alone.... why don't they find someone in their same boat? It won't be love at first sight but if they got to know each other they might then want a relationship.

Your idea of it being for status is weird to me. I don't see how it our modern time people use it for status? That seems like a very very outdated reason to get married to someone. Even if it was a reason for some then I would somewhat oppose it. I was more concerned about how it is for us now.

This brings me to my other point about people basing their judgement of what arranged marriage is based on what it was YEARS ago.

You mention convenience- what is wrong with that if true love is eventually found as the two would agree that they want to be with each other.
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Rakas21
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I can see some benefit to having arranged marriages for women who are still single when they hit 30 if they are fertile and lack undesirable genetic traits, giving them time to find their 'true love' first while being for the overall benefit of society (arranged marriage is probably a better bet than producing a generation of childless native women).

Overall though i don't think it suits the legal climate in the UK which makes divorce too easy and i do think it restricts individual liberty somewhat in addition to being a little heartless.

So i'm mostly against it in normal cases but neutral on it for some cases.
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