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Not sure if i'm a virgin, want some advice

I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. He used to put fingers in me, and pens, rulers kinda stuff. I was too scared to tell anyone. I'm 23 now and I barely had sexually related conversation with my friends, so I don't have much sex knowledge, but I still wonder if I'm a virgin or not. I never had a date or sex with anyone before.

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Yes, you're a virgin.
Original post by Maquia
I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. He used to put fingers in me, and pens, rulers kinda stuff. I was too scared to tell anyone. I'm 23 now and I barely had sexually related conversation with my friends, so I don't have much sex knowledge, but I still wonder if I'm a virgin or not. I never had a date or sex with anyone before.


i would say you are still a virgin and not to worry, i mean if you wanted a definitive answer possibly better to ask your GP?

whether you are by definition a virgin or not what you need to focus on is finding someone for you or being you, its not something to worry about it is something to rise above, :smile:
Have you talked to anyone about what happened?
Reply 4
No I haven’t.
Yes, you're still considered one
But really, it only matters to you and how you want to define it

My friend was raped, she essentially had her virginity taken away from her, but she didn't define it in that way, she counted her first time when it was consensual and with someone she actually liked
Reply 6
Yes according to your writing you are virgin now. Enjoy!
Reply 7
Original post by Maquia
I was sexually assaulted when I was 13. He used to put fingers in me, and pens, rulers kinda stuff. I was too scared to tell anyone. I'm 23 now and I barely had sexually related conversation with my friends, so I don't have much sex knowledge, but I still wonder if I'm a virgin or not. I never had a date or sex with anyone before.
Yes, you're a virgin. Also it's pretty reasonable and acceptable to consider yourself still to be a virgin even if you were penetrated with a penis.
Hmm. I don't think you are a virgin. It comes down to if people regard sexual intercourse as just penis in and then penis out. Some might say what you went through was sexual activity. I am not a reliable source.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 9
Original post by Tootles
Yes, you're a virgin. Also it's pretty reasonable and acceptable to consider yourself still to be a virgin even if you were penetrated with a penis.


Think she said pens instead of penis, so yeah, she's a virgin.
Original post by Joel 96
Think she said pens instead of penis, so yeah, she's a virgin.
I understood that.
Really sorry to hear that you went through this. You're not alone.

Sadly, lots of people experience this sort sexual abuse in childhood - most recover and go on to have successful relationships.

I'd strongly recommend talking to a doctor about you're experience, they can answer any questions you have and provide treatment option if it's something you'd like to consider. There are also lots of help groups who you might want to contact.

What a virgin is really depends whom you ask. In my opinion you're still a virgin as you didn't consent to penetrative sexual activity. You can make up your own mind.

Traditional views would be about whether the female was penetrated with a penis.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Dragon5555
Hmm. I don't think you are a virgin. It comes down to if people regard sexual intercourse as just penis in and then penis out. Some might say what you went through was sexual activity. I am not a reliable source.


she said pens ffs, not penis. it probably happened at school or something. she said he used pens and rulers.
Original post by snugglebear
she said pens ffs, not penis. it probably happened at school or something. she said he used pens and rulers.


Still it is sexual activity isn't it?
OP sounds like you're a virgin to me. but obviously it's how you feel. but just think of all the girls who use tampons, dildos, dildo-like objects, their own fingers etc. and they all still say they are a virgin after this.
First off I am sorry that this happened to you. Yes you are a virgin.

Sexual intercourse by definition by The MacMillan Dictionary is this. the act of having sex, especially sex between a man and woman in which the man puts his penis inside the woman’s vagina. Sexual intercourse is often simply called intercourse. Not fingers or rulers or pens. (I added that part)
Original post by Dragon5555
Still it is sexual activity isn't it?


so a girl who uses a dildo, or gets pleasure form inserting a tampon or from a smear test (they use a dildo like implement) - they have all lost their virginity? OP did not engage in sexual actuvity, it was forced upon her...how she feels about it is her experience. it may or may not have been sexual activity to her at the time. and whether it was or not, the question of virginity is a personal one. by your logic I may have lost my virginity to a tampon, but I don't personally feel about it that way.
I think what strikes me is the fact that you need the answer to that question 10 years after it has happened. I think you would really benefit from a form of counselling or talking therapy to make sense of what happened to you in your childhood. Any traumatic experience that lingers with unanswered questions will effect your day to day life. I truly hope you make sense of everything that happened to you in that time and that you get the help you need.
Original post by Mikardo88
I think what strikes me is the fact that you need the answer to that question 10 years after it has happened. I think you would really benefit from a form of counselling or talking therapy to make sense of what happened to you in your childhood. Any traumatic experience that lingers with unanswered questions will effect your day to day life. I truly hope you make sense of everything that happened to you in that time and that you get the help you need.


things get buried, then resurface and get re-remembered, and there can be a realisation of something wrong that happened. it can take a length of time to see what happened.
Original post by snugglebear
so a girl who uses a dildo, or gets pleasure form inserting a tampon or from a smear test (they use a dildo like implement) - they have all lost their virginity? OP did not engage in sexual actuvity, it was forced upon her...how she feels about it is her experience. it may or may not have been sexual activity to her at the time. and whether it was or not, the question of virginity is a personal one. by your logic I may have lost my virginity to a tampon, but I don't personally feel about it that way.


I understand I'm just thinking about the other side of the argument. If someone was raped would you say they were still a virgin after? As it would have also been forced.

As for your other points regarding tampon and whatnot...this isn't sexual activity done by herself though is it?

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