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Tricky Situation RE Friends and a Party
Please keep this anon, or delete it, I have no idea if any of the parties mentioned use this site and would like to keep it that way!
Basically, I'm turning 18 soon, and have decided to have a small party. I'm pretty much sorted on who I'm going to invite but I have one small problem - Conflicting friends.
The background is - up until last February, friend A (female) was going out with friend B (male). B spun her a tale about how they would go to uni together, buy a house together, live together, have kids, the whole kit and kaboodle.
A has plans to go on holiday for a week, but B protests, and tells her that he'll split up with her if she does (you seeing a pattern here?). Anyway, since the holiday is all paid for and she can't back out, off she goes.
When she comes back, her boyfriend of three years has dumped her by text and her friends have to tell her that he's already seeing C (and has been all week). Obviously, she now hates C with a passion - After all, she stole her man!
However, B has already started spinning a similar tale to C - He never loved A, it was just the longevity of the relationship, they'll go to close unis, get a house, have kids. Insanely in love. He won't let her talk to the rest of her friends when she's out with our group, it's always his friends. If he doesn't like somebody, she's not allowed to talk to them. He comes out for five minutes before school, gives her a quick snog, runs back inside and often just doesn't turn up when arranged. Rumours going around that he's only in it for the sex, which tbh I can see but wouldn't want to say to Cs face!
Now for the dilemma... I've been friends with A for near to 15 years now. For a large part of middle school we were always around each others houses because we lived pretty much next door to each other but we drifted away during secondary school. Somehow, there was a cross over of friends and now we hang out together a bit, but not that much. I've known C for about 2 years, and although we're not close we get on really well and I would say we're better friends than I am with A. I personally think B is a **** and needs a good kicking.
If I invite all three (I would have to invite B if I invited C) then there's possible drunken cat fights. If I only invite B+C then I run the risk of pissing A off a lot, and I can't just exclude C because I think her boyfriend is a prat.
Bloody women, so complicated.
Basically, I'm turning 18 soon, and have decided to have a small party. I'm pretty much sorted on who I'm going to invite but I have one small problem - Conflicting friends.
The background is - up until last February, friend A (female) was going out with friend B (male). B spun her a tale about how they would go to uni together, buy a house together, live together, have kids, the whole kit and kaboodle.
A has plans to go on holiday for a week, but B protests, and tells her that he'll split up with her if she does (you seeing a pattern here?). Anyway, since the holiday is all paid for and she can't back out, off she goes.
When she comes back, her boyfriend of three years has dumped her by text and her friends have to tell her that he's already seeing C (and has been all week). Obviously, she now hates C with a passion - After all, she stole her man!
However, B has already started spinning a similar tale to C - He never loved A, it was just the longevity of the relationship, they'll go to close unis, get a house, have kids. Insanely in love. He won't let her talk to the rest of her friends when she's out with our group, it's always his friends. If he doesn't like somebody, she's not allowed to talk to them. He comes out for five minutes before school, gives her a quick snog, runs back inside and often just doesn't turn up when arranged. Rumours going around that he's only in it for the sex, which tbh I can see but wouldn't want to say to Cs face!
Now for the dilemma... I've been friends with A for near to 15 years now. For a large part of middle school we were always around each others houses because we lived pretty much next door to each other but we drifted away during secondary school. Somehow, there was a cross over of friends and now we hang out together a bit, but not that much. I've known C for about 2 years, and although we're not close we get on really well and I would say we're better friends than I am with A. I personally think B is a **** and needs a good kicking.
If I invite all three (I would have to invite B if I invited C) then there's possible drunken cat fights. If I only invite B+C then I run the risk of pissing A off a lot, and I can't just exclude C because I think her boyfriend is a prat.
Bloody women, so complicated.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Anonymous
Please keep this anon, or delete it, I have no idea if any of the parties mentioned use this site and would like to keep it that way!
Basically, I'm turning 18 soon, and have decided to have a small party. I'm pretty much sorted on who I'm going to invite but I have one small problem - Conflicting friends.
The background is - up until last February, friend A (female) was going out with friend B (male). B spun her a tale about how they would go to uni together, buy a house together, live together, have kids, the whole kit and kaboodle.
A has plans to go on holiday for a week, but B protests, and tells her that he'll split up with her if she does (you seeing a pattern here?). Anyway, since the holiday is all paid for and she can't back out, off she goes.
When she comes back, her boyfriend of three years has dumped her by text and her friends have to tell her that he's already seeing C (and has been all week). Obviously, she now hates C with a passion - After all, she stole her man!
However, B has already started spinning a similar tale to C - He never loved A, it was just the longevity of the relationship, they'll go to close unis, get a house, have kids. Insanely in love. He won't let her talk to the rest of her friends when she's out with our group, it's always his friends. If he doesn't like somebody, she's not allowed to talk to them. He comes out for five minutes before school, gives her a quick snog, runs back inside and often just doesn't turn up when arranged. Rumours going around that he's only in it for the sex, which tbh I can see but wouldn't want to say to Cs face!
Now for the dilemma... I've been friends with A for near to 15 years now. For a large part of middle school we were always around each others houses because we lived pretty much next door to each other but we drifted away during secondary school. Somehow, there was a cross over of friends and now we hang out together a bit, but not that much. I've known C for about 2 years, and although we're not close we get on really well and I would say we're better friends than I am with A. I personally think B is a **** and needs a good kicking.
If I invite all three (I would have to invite B if I invited C) then there's possible drunken cat fights. If I only invite B+C then I run the risk of pissing A off a lot, and I can't just exclude C because I think her boyfriend is a prat.
Bloody women, so complicated.
Basically, I'm turning 18 soon, and have decided to have a small party. I'm pretty much sorted on who I'm going to invite but I have one small problem - Conflicting friends.
The background is - up until last February, friend A (female) was going out with friend B (male). B spun her a tale about how they would go to uni together, buy a house together, live together, have kids, the whole kit and kaboodle.
A has plans to go on holiday for a week, but B protests, and tells her that he'll split up with her if she does (you seeing a pattern here?). Anyway, since the holiday is all paid for and she can't back out, off she goes.
When she comes back, her boyfriend of three years has dumped her by text and her friends have to tell her that he's already seeing C (and has been all week). Obviously, she now hates C with a passion - After all, she stole her man!
However, B has already started spinning a similar tale to C - He never loved A, it was just the longevity of the relationship, they'll go to close unis, get a house, have kids. Insanely in love. He won't let her talk to the rest of her friends when she's out with our group, it's always his friends. If he doesn't like somebody, she's not allowed to talk to them. He comes out for five minutes before school, gives her a quick snog, runs back inside and often just doesn't turn up when arranged. Rumours going around that he's only in it for the sex, which tbh I can see but wouldn't want to say to Cs face!
Now for the dilemma... I've been friends with A for near to 15 years now. For a large part of middle school we were always around each others houses because we lived pretty much next door to each other but we drifted away during secondary school. Somehow, there was a cross over of friends and now we hang out together a bit, but not that much. I've known C for about 2 years, and although we're not close we get on really well and I would say we're better friends than I am with A. I personally think B is a **** and needs a good kicking.
If I invite all three (I would have to invite B if I invited C) then there's possible drunken cat fights. If I only invite B+C then I run the risk of pissing A off a lot, and I can't just exclude C because I think her boyfriend is a prat.
Bloody women, so complicated.
Tough one. But even though you're closer to C, A is the "wronged" one - did C know about A when she got together with B? If so I think your loyalties lie with A since you have known her for longer and she didn't do anything wrong so maybe you should ask her if she minds B and C coming. If you're close enough to C maybe you could explain the situation to her and she might understand that B shouldn't come especially since you have known A so long (if C admits that B wronged A)...? Or is B too controlling to allow that? Any chance you could do a "just girls" thing or do you have close male friends you really want to include?
Reply 2
Invite them all and let them get on with it, it's more than likely nothing will happen apart from a bit of bitching.
Reply 3
Just invite them all and let them get on with it. If you don't you'll only end up hurting one of them. You could maybe try talking to A and C beforehand basically to warn them that you don't want any fights breaking out.
Reply 4
I would say invite them all. It may be a bit awkward, but that's their problem and they can choose not to come if they don't want to.
Reply 5
I'd advice you to invite them all, but let them now that the other ones are coming, and say that you hope they can behave as decent people. Then at least no one can be miffed that you haven't invited them, and hopefully (if all of them turn up) they won't act up or anything like that...
That said, I wouldn't invite B at all..
That said, I wouldn't invite B at all..
Reply 6
Anonymous
If I invite all three (I would have to invite B if I invited C) then there's possible drunken cat fights. If I only invite B+C then I run the risk of pissing A off a lot, and I can't just exclude C because I think her boyfriend is a prat.
Bloody women, so complicated.
Bloody women, so complicated.
I don't know whether you're male or female, but w/e...........
Basically you can take the passive route or the active route.
The passive route involves you either inviting them all, and saying 'what will be will be', or simply not inviting C (Not inviting A is not an option, for reasons that should be obvious to you).
The active route means you talk to A and C directly........"this is one of the most important days of my life so far.........I'm inviting you because you are my friend so make sure your man causes NO trouble (the bit in bold is for C).......DON'T screw this one up!"
We won't even comment on the severe insecurity/poverty mentality of B.......that's for another time!
Reply 7
to be honest its your birthday so you should invite everyone you would like to be there regardless of whether they get on. if there decent friends theyll know not to ruin your night. Just maybe let them know that the other ones coming and that you wont be offended if they wanted to stay away to avoid arguements.
Reply 8
11
Just invite everyone. Whatever happens between them is their business, or if someone decides not to come, that is their problem and you're not the bad guy.
Reply 9
17
It's their problem, not yours. It's your BIRTHDAY and you want to not have people hating you for not inviting them right :P So invite them all and if any of them decide not to show up because of the other people it's their issue, not yours. If they all show, they surely wouldn't want trouble.
Reply 10
Yeah just invite them all. It's their own fault if they end up not going or fighting or whatever.
Just treat them equally.
Just treat them equally.
Reply 11
i'd invie A then tell C shes invited but you'd prefer it if B did'nt come. then you've asked them both and if C turns up with B anyway at least you tried.and if she doesnt turn up at all she might start seeing what this guy is really like! and what it will mean for her if she carrries on seeing him
Reply 12
I'd invite them all, let them make their own choice. To be honest I think A is an idiot for getting angry at C instead of B, and I think C is an idiot for liking B in the first place.
If you really don't want to invite both, invite the one you like more. Who cares if you've known the other for longer?
If you really don't want to invite both, invite the one you like more. Who cares if you've known the other for longer?
Reply 13
Exactly great advice YAF - just throw b out the equation. He's the ***** round here.
Reply 14
Invite both the girls, don't invite the boy(as you said you didn't like him much) . If C can't deal with B and if B won't let C go, then that is their problem. Similarly, if A and C can't get on, that is also their problem. Explain to both of them that you are not taking sides, and that this feud is not something you are getting involved with. Warn each that the other will be there, and ask them to behave themselves.
Reply 15
13
Invite all of them. They wouldnt ruin your birthday like that and if they do then you don't need them as your friends.
Reply 16
18
Invite who you want, tell them who else you've invited.
Reply 17
There's a high chance though that C will not be a happy bunny if I don't invite B... Joined at the hip is an understatement. A has another boyfriend, I think if she asks I'll just say that it's a small gathering and unfortunatly there's no room.
Reply 18
Just an update - I've decided what I'm going to do. This weekend has been a bit eye opening...
On Friday, I had a good chat with my best mate about what to do, and we both came to the conclusion that I can't get away without hurting someone in this situation... It's just who can cope best/won't screw too much at me. On friday night our other friend had her 18th and it was a great night - I danced all night with BF and C. B wasn't there because 'he had a migraine'. A was there with her boyfriend, and the two even managed to have a chat together. I really do think it is B who is the problem! All last year, C and B used to hang around with us, but now the lads have started to give him a bit of gip and aren't as friendly to him anymore, he just takes C away from us completly.
I'm going to invite A and C, both alone. I'm going to tell them that since space is limited, I can't really invite people I don't really know (both boyfriends) and I don't really talk to B anymore. I'm going to tell her that I really want her there though, even though I'm not inviting B.
Ta guys
On Friday, I had a good chat with my best mate about what to do, and we both came to the conclusion that I can't get away without hurting someone in this situation... It's just who can cope best/won't screw too much at me. On friday night our other friend had her 18th and it was a great night - I danced all night with BF and C. B wasn't there because 'he had a migraine'. A was there with her boyfriend, and the two even managed to have a chat together. I really do think it is B who is the problem! All last year, C and B used to hang around with us, but now the lads have started to give him a bit of gip and aren't as friendly to him anymore, he just takes C away from us completly.
I'm going to invite A and C, both alone. I'm going to tell them that since space is limited, I can't really invite people I don't really know (both boyfriends) and I don't really talk to B anymore. I'm going to tell her that I really want her there though, even though I'm not inviting B.
Ta guys
Reply 19
sounds like it worked out for the best!
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