Uni in September but depression... Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 months ago
#1
I’m meant to be starting university as a mature student (I’m 24) in September. I’ve already moved to the city the uni is in, been here for over a year working. It’s getting closer and I’m getting really worried because I am currently really struggling with depression. I have done for 4-5 yrs or so but it’s currently at its worst. I’ve tried medication etc - that’s not really what I want to talk about her - nothing seems to work.

The reasons I’m worried about uni. The depression makes me not want to eat much, I’m always exhausted, I don’t think my brain is working great, and I really want to get a good degree. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. Also, I’m 6 hours from where I grew up, where my parents are, where my best friends are. I’ve always wanted to leave the place I grew up but recently I’ve just wanted nothing more than to live there. Unfortunately there aren’t any good unis there for what I’m doing. The uni I am going to in September is well thought of, and one of the top for my course (other than oxford/Cambridge/Bristol.. the very top ones)

I’ve already deferred three times. First time because I was living abroad and had applied in case I found myself not wanting to stay, leaving my options open to be able to come back and study. Second time because I was working a job that although low paid I was enjoying the experience and thought I’d save some more money before uni (I didn’t) and third time was because student finance refused to put me as independent because I couldn’t prove I had earnt enough for 3 yrs due to volunteering and travelling. So I decided to work another year in order to get that independent student finance - otherwise I would have got next to nothing when they based it on my parents income.

So I can’t defer again. I feel like the whole family are waiting for me to go and get a degree and get a good job with it. My brother did it as a mature student and got a top class degree and is doing great so there’s that pressure I guess but that’s not really what’s my family are like. It’s more that I’ve seemingly put if off (deferred) for 3 years.

So I’m kinda stuck in wanting to go to uni and get a great degree, make a life somewhere other than my hometown (I do actually like the place I’ve moved to) and feeling so low that I know I won’t do well and wanting so badly to move back to my hometown and do something great there (there’s not many options there though) but knowing everyone will think I’ve given up, or am too lazy for uni, or not working hard enough or something.

This isn’t mild depression either. My parents know but I think they think I’m getting better. I’m getting worse. One of my close friends know but the others don’t, can’t bring myself to tell them because I am the ‘funny, happy, laid back’ one of the group and I don’t know what I’d have to offer if they just saw me as depressed and miserable.

I wish so badly the uni I’m going to could somehow move to my hometown so I could get better with all my friends and family around and study hard. Yeah... not possible is it 🙄

Any advice? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
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Report 6 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m meant to be starting university as a mature student (I’m 24) in September. I’ve already moved to the city the uni is in, been here for over a year working. It’s getting closer and I’m getting really worried because I am currently really struggling with depression. I have done for 4-5 yrs or so but it’s currently at its worst. I’ve tried medication etc - that’s not really what I want to talk about her - nothing seems to work.

The reasons I’m worried about uni. The depression makes me not want to eat much, I’m always exhausted, I don’t think my brain is working great, and I really want to get a good degree. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. Also, I’m 6 hours from where I grew up, where my parents are, where my best friends are. I’ve always wanted to leave the place I grew up but recently I’ve just wanted nothing more than to live there. Unfortunately there aren’t any good unis there for what I’m doing. The uni I am going to in September is well thought of, and one of the top for my course (other than oxford/Cambridge/Bristol.. the very top ones)

I’ve already deferred three times. First time because I was living abroad and had applied in case I found myself not wanting to stay, leaving my options open to be able to come back and study. Second time because I was working a job that although low paid I was enjoying the experience and thought I’d save some more money before uni (I didn’t) and third time was because student finance refused to put me as independent because I couldn’t prove I had earnt enough for 3 yrs due to volunteering and travelling. So I decided to work another year in order to get that independent student finance - otherwise I would have got next to nothing when they based it on my parents income.

So I can’t defer again. I feel like the whole family are waiting for me to go and get a degree and get a good job with it. My brother did it as a mature student and got a top class degree and is doing great so there’s that pressure I guess but that’s not really what’s my family are like. It’s more that I’ve seemingly put if off (deferred) for 3 years.

So I’m kinda stuck in wanting to go to uni and get a great degree, make a life somewhere other than my hometown (I do actually like the place I’ve moved to) and feeling so low that I know I won’t do well and wanting so badly to move back to my hometown and do something great there (there’s not many options there though) but knowing everyone will think I’ve given up, or am too lazy for uni, or not working hard enough or something.

This isn’t mild depression either. My parents know but I think they think I’m getting better. I’m getting worse. One of my close friends know but the others don’t, can’t bring myself to tell them because I am the ‘funny, happy, laid back’ one of the group and I don’t know what I’d have to offer if they just saw me as depressed and miserable.

I wish so badly the uni I’m going to could somehow move to my hometown so I could get better with all my friends and family around and study hard. Yeah... not possible is it 🙄

Any advice? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
Don't often comment on these type of posts but a couple of things caught my attention.

Firstly - never feel like you have to maintain a pretence on front of your friends. They'll see you as who you are (funny, laid back and happy go lucky), except they'll have the understanding and awareness to reach out and help you when necessary. It's far better to open up and get support than battle mental health issues alone. There's no stigma mate.

Secondly - you miss home. It's allowed. Ultimately, do what makes you happy - I guarantee that's all your friends and family want. Forget uni reputation and study closer to home... Move home and reapply next year (not having that deferred place isn't the end of the world - just a comfort blanket.).. Whatever makes you enjoy life the most, charge on.

I moved for work last year and I miss home... I get it. But as you fill your life up at uni (socially and academically) you may not have time to miss home as much which may tide you over until you can get back at holidays...

Good luck - here to chat any time.
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