Stress of exams triggered depersonalisation Watch
In exams I tried to push the OCD away until I started obsessing about OCD!
I also have anxiety every day.
I had strong symptoms of depersonalisation every day for a long time.
For me, talking to mental health professional made all the difference; could you talk to a mentor or a wellbeing officer through your school?
Externalising your experience through speech gives them a reality - which is exactly what depersonalisation deprives you of.
Doing regular exercise really does make a difference. I started running, rowing, swimming, lifting. I felt a little weird when I was doing it - slightly psychically dislocated - but it brings the anxiety levels right down.
Diet is another factor - I avoided high sugar intakes and all caffeine and alcohol.
I'm still teetotal now, it's a nice way to live.
I really got into baking and cooking in order to deal with my panic and derealisation. Having something physical you need to work on made me feel grounded for a couple of hours. Years later I would work as a baker.
Exercise, diet, - the most important part of these approaches is that they make you feel like you have some contorl over you situation, that you can prevent or minimise the possibility of an episode. Building a relationship with the causes of your mental alarm is the way forward I think. This is what I have attempted to do, and I am no longer crippled by my mental health.
It is strange to look back on that part of my life. Those symptoms demanded more of me than I had to give. They completely exceeded me, I could not survive them. I really felt like I couldn't go on.
Many people go through what you are going through, and it is unspeakably horrible for all of them.
I found it so isolating, a struggle all the time that no one else identified with.
You know that song by Grimes, RealiTi?
"...every morning there are mountains to climb
Taking all my time
Oh, when I get up, this is what I see
Welcome to reality"
Waking up to a world in which these symptoms are the only thing on the horizon was lumpy potatoes.
But it was as Beckett said: "I can't go on I'll go on."
You become the one who survives this by surviving it
The struggle to break through into the real unites you with everyone else
but you are at the bleeding edge of being!
Vibrating with the vertiginous urgency of presence!
That's no help maybe
But that's how I think of it now
I think spending lots of time with others in a structured activity (making posters, cycling, playing a sport) is a Good Thing To Do. Being with people is what brought me back to a feeling of normality. Bahktin says the self is a gift of the other
I say exams are bad, and prove nothing.
School's a macerator.
But I'm sorry you are in rough waters.
thank u all ! it makes me feel reassured knowing that others have had to go through similar feelings to me and managed to break free. Daisy, I’ve actually tried yoga recently and it really does relax things for a few hours, I’m definitely gonna keep it as a every day routine. The only thing that i’m really struggling with right now is the hyperawareness of my eyes which I guess is what’s causing the depersonalisation and uncomfortable feeling but as u guys said, as soon as i stop thinking about it as much i’ll start to improve (: