Let me give you some context. I started dating this guy a couple of months ago and after a month we had sex for the first time. It was also my first time ever having sex. I was a 25 years old virgin.
I am a very reserved person and I’ve never had a huge social life until recently, so I’ve never had the chance to actually meet a guy I was interested in. I’ve been told by friends that I can come across as unapproachable and intimidating, but thats only a sort of protection that I put on to hide my shyness. I’ve also always been told I am quite attractive so I thought that boys would just come to me without having to do any work (this way I attracted the wrong type of men, only interested in looks).
This guy is very nice and caring and I was very excited at the idea of having sex with him, and not nervous about it being my first time, pain and stuff like that, because I really wanted to do it and felt very ready.
I felt a little embarrassed to be still a virgin at 25 though, so I decided not to tell him. I thought he wouldn’t notice: I am a gymnast so my hymen was very likely already broken by doing all types of jumps, stretching and splits; also, while masturbating I have put there objects larger than the average penis and I have a very high pain threshold.
I was very aroused when we did it and I didn’t feel any pain; I didn’t come only by penetration but still it was very enjoyable for me. I noticed he had some difficulties in sticking it in though, and in getting the rhythm going. He went on for what felt like a reasonable amount of time but he didn’t come.
I thought it was normal due to me being a virgin and probably pretty tight. We did it another time and again I enjoyed it but he didn’t come.
I didn’t question him about it but after we did it he told me that he “isn’t used” to condoms and that’s why he couldn’t come. I had given him a blow job without condom before and he told me I was good at it but he didn’t know why he couldn’t come. Both of the times I blamed it on the situation we were in: laying down on a field at night close to some itchy hay isn’t the most comfortable or relaxing (I found it pretty exciting, though).
I found out later that the best way to make him come is by using both my hands and mouth, but I feel like he takes a very long time to come and while I do it I am always afraid that I am not good enough and that he won’t come at all. I don’t mind spending a lot of time on him because I really want to please him, but I wonder if it’s normal that he takes so long, and it makes me very insecure because sometimes it happens that he doesn’t even come with blowjobs.
Also I think that using lube to masturbate him would be better for both of us but I am afraid that he thinks that I am not good enough on my own. I feel like spit isn’t enough and once he told me I was hurting him and I don’t ever want that to happen again.
We went away together for a weekend and we spent a lot of time in bed and it was amazing. He says he loves being with me, touching me and making me come. I come almost every time, but even when I don’t I don’t care because I love to feel him inside me and he can go for a very long time, which I know it’s rare.
The fact that he doesn’t come with penetration really frustrates me though. Shouldn’t orgasm be much easier for men than for women???
I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m not attractive or sexy enough, even if I am confident in my body. I really want to keep on having sex with him but I feel like maybe there’s something wrong with me? Maybe my body just doesn’t turn him on enough?
He keeps on telling me how good I am and once he told me I gave him the most amazing orgasm of his life but I don’t know whether to believe him. Maybe he says so just to not make me feel bad about the penetration thing.
I don’t know how to approach the issue with him because I am afraid it could put even more pressure on him. Should I try to talk to him about it or should I wait?
I read some articles about delayed ejaculation and probably it could be it. He also drinks heavily sometimes and occasionally smokes weed. That maybe could play a part?
If someone has experienced something like this please tell me because I really want to please him and I’m starting to feel terrible about this situation! I adore having sex with him but I feel like this issue will give us a lot of anxiety and pressure and eventually spoil everything.