How long a distance is TOO long distance?

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pasiphae
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My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :')
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experienced69
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To answer your question, EU-Japan is too long of a distance.
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999tigger
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(Original post by pasiphae)
My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :'

Possible it depends how committed you are. people get bored when they arent together. Possible to make it work if you have the right mindset.

I would warn you people change over the time of uni as well. Most relationships dont survive.


Your options are:

1. Give it a try with the intent of surviving.
2. Give it a trial and tell each other if its not working.
3. Split as friends and see what happens after.uni

Talk to him.
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username2388485
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While this is a bit of an oversimplification, I think there's a point where it all just boils down to 'very long' distance. Being on opposite sides of the same country is easier than being in different countries is easier than being in different continents and so on but if you can't visit each other often the problems may be similar.

Honestly, if it's a very strong relationship and you can manage to share intimacy between things like phone calls, Skype, etc it's not hopeless but maintaining a relationship when you will only see each other very irregularly is difficult.
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username4177748
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The bottom line is if you both want the relationship to work it will work.
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pasiphae
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Possible it depends how committed you are. people get bored when they arent together. Possible to make it work if you have the right mindset.

I would warn you people change over the time of uni as well. Most relationships dont survive.


Your options are:

1. Give it a try with the intent of surviving.
2. Give it a trial and tell each other if its not working.
3. Split as friends and see what happens after.uni

Talk to him.
yep, you're right about it being down to mindset.

Splitting as friends the summer before is an option but he wants to decide what to do now and if I volunteer that it'll put a massive downer on the rest of the year we have together. For now a trial seems to be the best option. thank you
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studentmoments
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(Original post by pasiphae)
My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :')
If I’m honest, I think that being 4 hours away could still work but not seeing each other for 2 years would probably mean the relationship won’t last. But then again, that’s just my opinion.
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It's****ingWOODY
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Much more than half an hour away would be too long distance for me. This question is entirely subjective tbh, only you and your BF can answer it for yourselves.
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as125
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Normally for me a long distance is my hand to where the tv remote is
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Maid Marian
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I think it's doable if you are both 100% committed. The year after next, my boyfriend is moving to Germany for a year and that will be very hard (if we are still together then), but I plan to visit him once every couple of months
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fallen_acorns
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it depends more on time for me, then distance. 2 hours apart for 6 months? ok for most stable couples.. for a year? More difficult, but certainly possible.

2 hours apart for 3 years (a uni degree)? Near impossible for people your age. I'm sure one must have worked somewhere sometime, but I have never ever seen that type of relationship work in my own life.
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Trust Orang
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Proximity has been proven to be the most important factor in interpersonal relationships. Not just romance either - Closer = better.
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Randyyy
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You need to think srsly about whether he is really worth it,
its a big world, there are a lot of people
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username3912246
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(Original post by pasiphae)
My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :')
Hey hi, initially when I first read I thought that it should be alright as you mentioned 4h away from each other. That's quite okay for me. However, I feel that the Europe-Japan might be quite long apart. Of course I am not suggesting that you should break up with him but perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss about it. Long distant relationship isn't easy though... It requires lots of trust from each other to maintain the relationship. I feel that if both of you can commit and trust each other, then it should be alright for the relationship.

As for me, I myself don't think I can maintain a long distant relationship though.... because as time goes by, I will be affected by my new environment. I feel that yes, I will and can say love you and all but I really can't assure you if my heart will not change by the new people I am going to meet or my environment. Some things we can't control though... like you never know what will happen in the future. Long distant relationship is difficult to maintain because you would not get to see each other as often as you do in the passed and hence for a start you might not get used to it.

I am from Singapore and My neighbour actually told her boyfriend who’s in U.K. now, to set a date and time and chat up using facetime during their long distant relationship. All seems to go well for a start... however things start to change as their uni days goes by. Both of them starts to get busier and occasionally will missed the date and time for facetime. Even if they facetime each other, normally it gets boring as they don't know what to talk about. It seems that the communication has been cut off. And soon, both of them found their own new set of friends and each have their own life and began to talk rarely. My neighbour's boyfriend found a new girlfriend in uni and they break off the other day. It's sad... but it seems that my neighbour is okay with it as she said " What's the point of keeping him when there's no love in between us ?"

What I am trying to say is that... Long distant relationship do turns out well if both sides have a strong mentality to keep that communication, trust and love going. It depends on individual as well. I have friends who can maintain the relationship but also friends who couldn’t. So it really depends on individuals. It's not gonna be easy though.... but regardless I wish you all the best !
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username1869653
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(Original post by pasiphae)
My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :')
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eatyaownass
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Honestly, distance isn't what kills a relationship. It definitely plays a part in problems in the relationship and roadblocks that you'll need to work on. but the problem is usually the strength of the relationship. You can be 5 doors down from each other and fail but you could also be in two different continents and make it work
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Anonymous #1
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Heh my best friend lives in Southeast Asia and her boyfriend lives in Canada and they met on Omegle and have been together for 5 years now and only met each other for the first time last year. If you want it to work, it’ll work. It depends on what kind of person you are too.
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experienced69
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I don't think there is any doubt whether it can work or not.
Can getting into the NBA at 5'7" tall work? Yeah, its been done. Chances are pretty bad though.
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<..........>
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(Original post by pasiphae)
My boyfriend and I are at the point where we're choosing universities, and I can predict with 99% accuracy we'll be going to two unis 4 hours away from each other. He essentially thinks that there's not much hope for a long distance relationship if we're over 2 hours away from each other (tbh for me it's more an issue of travel costs, not time), but I think that it's more than possible to make it work from 4 hours away. I love him and I'm pretty certain I won't find someone like him at uni.

The bigger issue is that for his degree, he'd be in Europe for 2 years while I'd be in Japan for 1. That's 2 years of not seeing each other and while it's a bit daring to think that far ahead, that really does seem like some intense long distance

Sorry for the read, even if this doesn't get any answers I had to get the frustration out somehow :'
I had a partner that I met whilst on holiday in Canada and we went on to have a relationship for a year.

If both people are fully committed to the relationship then the distance can be overcome. We used to give each other regular presents and that sort of thing, all of which helped a lot but a big part of it is saving money to travel. Unless both you and your boyfriend can commit to putting a little money aside to facilitate the occasional trip to see each other then I think you'll probably really struggle and it will likely disintegrate.

If I'm being entirely honest, for all that you're saying how great he is and how much you love him, the fact that you've both already completely dismissed the idea that you could travel to visit each other makes me think at least one of you doesn't really want to give long-distance a shot.
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FloralHybrid
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I have a friend who’s living in England with a girlfriend in Dubai. But the strain on their relationship is immense.

It’s personal. Some people are completely fine long distance, be it a few hours drive or across the world, some don’t like it. I’ve had one relationship that was long distance, and I felt the loneliness to be awful despite not being a particularly lovey-dovey person, if that makes sense. However that was likely due to my boyfriend I believe wasn’t particularly bothered about maintaining us, which is understandable.

But you might have absolutely no issue. Distance in itself isn’t something that makes or breaks a relationship - It’s how you both deal with that distance, that does.
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