The Student Room Group

Who the hell do i choose?!?!

PLEASE dont de-anon for obv reasons

There are two boys i currently like. I have kissed them both and the trouble is, i like them both the same and its been months now and i still dont prefer one over the other. i think its about time i made a choice, and i kind of need some advice!

James: REALLY fit. nice boy, same background etc, lives fairly close. happens to be really selfish though and can be a bit uncaring sometimes. Still, he is nice. Does a similar subject to me which is good. He is the one I have been attracted to for a long time, and he has told me he likes me. Im just drawn to him for some reason.

Rob: Not as good looking but he still is, and he’s so so nice. He is really caring and basically has a perfect personality. If we went out I know it would be really really good. He hasn’t told me he likes me but I get the impression he does. We don’t do a similar subject but we can talk so much easier than I can with James. he also doesnt live too far away.

Some of the points may seem a bit shallow but seriously, its so hard to choose between them. I was wondering what people’s opinions are as to which one to go for… and before anyone says it I cant have both cos they happen to be very good friends… :s-smilie:

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Reply 1
On paper, then pretty obviously I'm going to say Rob.

Mainly because, and to summarise - Rob = good looking, so nice, "basically perfect personality", can talk so much easier.
Whereas James = hot but can be selfish and uncaring, but hey, you have stuff in common.

If you really don't prefer one over the other though I'd be questioning how much I liked either. I.e. do you like James for more aesthetic reasons, but feel he lacks a bit in the personality dept. And do you like Rob personality wise but don't feel there's much spark there/not as attractive? What I'm getting at is, maybe you haven't made up your mind, because neither are quite right.

Also, do they both know you've kissed them both? I wouldn't advise invading bro-dom territory..
Reply 2
I agree with Fleece. Looking at the way you describe Rob makes him seem better than James. Subconcious perhaps..
I'm always kind of wary about these threads, because usually the persons mind has been made up before, and they just want to hear the answer they've already determined in their head.
Not saying this about you though ... just go with your gut instinct.
Based on how you described both guys, it's quite obvious that Rob is the better guy. Personality is always more important than looks in a relationship. However, you said that you don't prefer one over the other. This can lead to problems. If you pick Rob over James or vise verse, you might find yourself regretting your choice. If you're still undecided between them both, let them go. When the right guy comes along, there should be no doubt in your mind.
Reply 5
put both names in a hat several times.

Choose one

look at it

if it's the right one you'll know. if not you'll want to dive your hand in and have another go :smile:
Reply 6
You're obviously more attracted to James, it annoys you because he's a douche while Rob's got 'a perfect personality' and are asking us to logically persuade you that Rob is the better choice.

If you go with Rob, chances are you won't be able to stop thinking about James, and it will suck for the both of you.

Which is why I'll say James.
Reply 7
Fleece
On paper, then pretty obviously I'm going to say Rob.

Mainly because, and to summarise - Rob = good looking, so nice, "basically perfect personality", can talk so much easier.
Whereas James = hot but can be selfish and uncaring, but hey, you have stuff in common.

If you really don't prefer one over the other though I'd be questioning how much I liked either. I.e. do you like James for more aesthetic reasons, but feel he lacks a bit in the personality dept. And do you like Rob personality wise but don't feel there's much spark there/not as attractive? What I'm getting at is, maybe you haven't made up your mind, because neither are quite right.

Also, do they both know you've kissed them both? I wouldn't advise invading bro-dom territory..

I agree with this pretty much. :smile:
Reply 8
ben_walker446
put both names in a hat several times.

Choose one

look at it

if it's the right one you'll know. if not you'll want to dive your hand in and have another go :smile:

And that's always a good thing to do. If you decide you've already made the decision one way or the other you will see if you are happy with it or subconsciously wishing you had chosen the alternative.
Reply 9
I think you have to ask yourself what is it that you want?

If you want something short-term James sounds like a catch! Even if he seems a bit of an idiot!

Then again if you want something long-term go for Rob. Looks errode overtime, but personality tends to remain the same.

So think about what you want. I should just tell you that although you want both, don't expect to have your cake and eat it. :wink: That would be just greedy!

Best,

John. x
Reply 10
ROB ROB ROB ROB! trust me you have more of a future with rob from what youve said and could potentially be a very happy couple. The qualities you mentioned are very important especially been able to talk easily. Try it with Rob. I hope james doesnt see this :s hehe
Reply 11
Ayla Phoenix
I'm always kind of wary about these threads, because usually the persons mind has been made up before, and they just want to hear the answer they've already determined in their head.
Not saying this about you though ... just go with your gut instinct.


That's a really good point. OP, it sounds like you're leaning towards James ("He is the one I have been attracted to for a long time"), but on paper Rob sounds better. Obviously there's more to both of them than what you've written, and it does depend on what you're looking for in a guy (whether its looks, personality, etc). I'd go for Rob because he sounds like the nicer guy who'll treat you better. Alternatively, why not keep Rob as a friend, and go for James? At least then you'll have a really good friend who you can talk to "so much easier than I can with James".
Reply 12
Why the hell would you 'choose' either of them? Either you like someone or you don't. You should wait for someone perfect not just settle for someone who comes along.
I actually disagree with the last post; if you keep waiting for someone perfect then you'll throw away plenty of chances with people who aren't exactly so, but with whom you could cultivate a goood relationship. When I met my boyfriend, he seemed a bit awks but i figured I'd go on a few dates and then I realised it just took him a little while to open up completely.

I'd agree with the person who said James. You can't make yourself like someone. And if you go out with Rob and you don't really like him all that much then it's not really fair on him either.
Reply 14
Rob :biggrin:
Reply 15
thanks for the replies people..... but argh im so confused now. maybe i should have just done a poll lol.

everybodys points make sense, which is the problem.

true, if i go out with james it is much less likely to work and i will have ruined any chances with rob. if i go out with rob i will always still have chemistry with james. 'puppy' i see what you are getting at, but yeah i dont think you can wait for someone so 'perfect' to come along.

yeah they both do know, which is why i really need to do something now so that a) i havent ruined a friendship and b) i can still maintain a friendship with one
Go with Rob and see if it works. If it doesn't, wait a little while and then get with James if he's still interested. sorted :wink:
Reply 17
haha i like that idea but that would be rather naughty!

i forgot to mention, rob is a MUCH better kisser. but i have way more chemistry with james.

in an ideal world i would have both!
Definitly Rob !
Reply 19
i thought u said u had more chemistry with rob before. how about u just leave it a while longer, these things usually sort themselves out