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I don't want to live anymore
I'm sick of being "ill", I can't see an end to all this, even if I get better I'll probably have to take meds for a long time possibly my whole life and I hate the side effects, I hate relying on a little pill every day, I hate myself for being like this. I'm weak, psychotic, depressed and a loser. I'm going to have to live explaining the scars on my arms, trying to explain why I act so ****ing weird all the time.
I have no concentration, I can barely be left alone for any length of time. I haven't got any friends, I dropped out of uni because I couldn't cope, I have no life and see nothing in the future. I'm only living for other people - the only reason I'm not already dead is because it would hurt my mum, but I'm starting to wonder whether her watching me waste my whole life probably on disability benefits wouldn't hurt her more than me just ending it now.
Why live for someone else? If your life doesn't belong to you what do you have left?
I've been through so many anti-depressants they never work, my anti-psychotics don't work either, the man I keep hearing tells me that I'm weak, rubbish, my mum would be better off without me to hold her down, everyone hates me, that I should kill myself now and I'm starting to realise how right he is.
I just don't see the point in struggling through all this when there probably won't be anything left at the end of it. I'm sorry for the rant, I like to write stuff down it makes it easier to think about it.
I have no concentration, I can barely be left alone for any length of time. I haven't got any friends, I dropped out of uni because I couldn't cope, I have no life and see nothing in the future. I'm only living for other people - the only reason I'm not already dead is because it would hurt my mum, but I'm starting to wonder whether her watching me waste my whole life probably on disability benefits wouldn't hurt her more than me just ending it now.
Why live for someone else? If your life doesn't belong to you what do you have left?
I've been through so many anti-depressants they never work, my anti-psychotics don't work either, the man I keep hearing tells me that I'm weak, rubbish, my mum would be better off without me to hold her down, everyone hates me, that I should kill myself now and I'm starting to realise how right he is.
I just don't see the point in struggling through all this when there probably won't be anything left at the end of it. I'm sorry for the rant, I like to write stuff down it makes it easier to think about it.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
This man you hear is not REAL. Your mum loves you. You are not rubbish just ill, through no fault of your own. And things will get better. Maybe not tommorow, or next week, or next year. But someday. And you will have moments of laughter, or smiles, or pure bliss. Please don't throw that away. I don't know you, but I beg not to take your own life. Think of your mum, yes, but think of the people you haven't met yet, who might be great friends or partners. I know its hard, but take each day at a time. Find something good in each of those days, whether its a funny film, a trip to the park, a laugh with your mum, whatever. You shouldn't live for your mum, its true, LIVE FOR YOU. Please don't throw yourself away, even if things are **** right now.
Reply 2
There's a lot of stuff in your post that needs addressing.
Firstly, have you been in therapy? Having someone to talk to and someone who expects to see you (alive) every week sometimes helps. The Samaritans are also a good outlet if you just need to talk to someone when you're feeling desperate: 08457 90 90 90
How many anti-psychotics have you tried? It might be a case of trying another. However, I think there's evidence that people who don't take meds for psychosis and schizophrenia actually have a better recovery rate- I don't know much about that though, I haven't read around it. You might look in to alternative ways of coping if the meds aren't doing anything for you. You say you've tried a lot of anti-deps, but have you tried the full range of them, SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs etc.? They work on different receptors in the brain and without knowing your specific brain chemistry it's impossible to predict which one will work, it really is a case of trial and error. If you haven't tried all of those then it's worth talking to your GP or psychiatrist (if you have one) about it.
Have you considered in-patient treatment? It does help some people but obviously it's a big decision. If you're really not coping then it might be another avenue open to you.
I'm not sure what else to suggest without knowing more. I agree that you shouldn't live for other people, but that doesn't mean you should give up, it means you need to find a way to live successfully for yourself. This can take a long time and a lot of effort but we all do it with the hope of better times ahead, that's all you can really hang on to.
There are also lots of friendly helpful people in the depression society (if you're not already posting in there): http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=210775
Firstly, have you been in therapy? Having someone to talk to and someone who expects to see you (alive) every week sometimes helps. The Samaritans are also a good outlet if you just need to talk to someone when you're feeling desperate: 08457 90 90 90
How many anti-psychotics have you tried? It might be a case of trying another. However, I think there's evidence that people who don't take meds for psychosis and schizophrenia actually have a better recovery rate- I don't know much about that though, I haven't read around it. You might look in to alternative ways of coping if the meds aren't doing anything for you. You say you've tried a lot of anti-deps, but have you tried the full range of them, SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs etc.? They work on different receptors in the brain and without knowing your specific brain chemistry it's impossible to predict which one will work, it really is a case of trial and error. If you haven't tried all of those then it's worth talking to your GP or psychiatrist (if you have one) about it.
Have you considered in-patient treatment? It does help some people but obviously it's a big decision. If you're really not coping then it might be another avenue open to you.
I'm not sure what else to suggest without knowing more. I agree that you shouldn't live for other people, but that doesn't mean you should give up, it means you need to find a way to live successfully for yourself. This can take a long time and a lot of effort but we all do it with the hope of better times ahead, that's all you can really hang on to.
There are also lots of friendly helpful people in the depression society (if you're not already posting in there): http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=210775
Reply 3
Anon please, because some of my friends use this forum and I feel they do not need to know my medical conditions and treatments. It would be very embarassing.
This may have been said to you many times before, but some are a little unfortunate whereas others are very unfortunate. And trust me, there are those who are more unfortunate than you. I'm not immediately implying that you are weak.
I consider myself to be quite unfortunate but at least I try to live life to the fullest.
I'm 16 years and 6 months old. I have some acne on my face which I really hate but I see people on the streets with worse skin than me. Good thing I identified the acne problem at a good time: I now take a drug, like you, everyday which reduces the effects of acne and thankfully it has improved it a lot and my spots have almost gone.
My second condition is my eyesight. I have severe Myopia: -6.00 in my right eye, and -9.5 in the left eye. This is severe because i'm only 16 and eyesight gets worse until the age of 20 (according to the optician). He reckons my eyesight will be -11 and -7.5 by the age of 20. I'm very sure less than 1% of the population have similar or worse eyesight to me. Nevertheless, I live life to the fullest.
Appearance is just appearance. I have a friend who has scarred and severed arms too (though I will not name him) and he too uses TSR.
Lastly, you have a full life ahead of you. Think of life as a gift. It is awesome - there's so much entertainment around us. Think of those suffering in parts of Africa: little food, little water, AIDs, malnutrition, lack of shelter.
Don't just GIVE UP on life.. so what if you have to take medicine for a very long time? I probably have to as well. Medicine is just medicine. You only waste 10 seconds every 24 hours so why complain about medicine?
This may have been said to you many times before, but some are a little unfortunate whereas others are very unfortunate. And trust me, there are those who are more unfortunate than you. I'm not immediately implying that you are weak.
I consider myself to be quite unfortunate but at least I try to live life to the fullest.
I'm 16 years and 6 months old. I have some acne on my face which I really hate but I see people on the streets with worse skin than me. Good thing I identified the acne problem at a good time: I now take a drug, like you, everyday which reduces the effects of acne and thankfully it has improved it a lot and my spots have almost gone.
My second condition is my eyesight. I have severe Myopia: -6.00 in my right eye, and -9.5 in the left eye. This is severe because i'm only 16 and eyesight gets worse until the age of 20 (according to the optician). He reckons my eyesight will be -11 and -7.5 by the age of 20. I'm very sure less than 1% of the population have similar or worse eyesight to me. Nevertheless, I live life to the fullest.
Appearance is just appearance. I have a friend who has scarred and severed arms too (though I will not name him) and he too uses TSR.
Lastly, you have a full life ahead of you. Think of life as a gift. It is awesome - there's so much entertainment around us. Think of those suffering in parts of Africa: little food, little water, AIDs, malnutrition, lack of shelter.
Don't just GIVE UP on life.. so what if you have to take medicine for a very long time? I probably have to as well. Medicine is just medicine. You only waste 10 seconds every 24 hours so why complain about medicine?
Reply 4
Live for yourself. The fact that you are still here show that you are caring towards other people, the fact you've got through all this tough stuff shows you are resiliant and determined. Dont hate yourself for the bad stuff, give yourself a helping hand and encourage yourself with the good stuff in the knowledge that it can and will get better. You're hardly holding your mum down, with mums its that they have a instinct to and want to care for you and be there, its not about just putting up with you. Who can you see about your meds not working? Insist that you get some more help with it, often people need chasing up with these things. You dont have to live your life explaning scars, whos business is it anyway? The way i deal with it when people ask about mine is just be upfront and honest, and the moment soon passes. Another thing to think about is dont think you have to explain ''why i act so ****ing weird all the time''. You dont have to justify yourself to anyone, its not their business what you do. Are you eating properly? How about trying to sort a decent diet plan out, solid 3 meals per day that might help you to feel a bit stronger and more able to concetrate i dont know. With the friends thing, yeh its not nice to not have friends, but that can change so quickly. Start of slowly, even making small talk with people as you're paying in shops for example, get into as much social interaction as you can, start going to clubs and thigns and you will develop a social network. Life is long, things change so much along the way we just have to grab it with both hands and come through fighting.
Reply 5
Anonymous
Anon please, because some of my friends use this forum and I feel they do not need to know my medical conditions and treatments. It would be very embarassing.
This may have been said to you many times before, but some are a little unfortunate whereas others are very unfortunate. And trust me, there are those who are more unfortunate than you. I'm not immediately implying that you are weak.
I consider myself to be quite unfortunate but at least I try to live life to the fullest.
I'm 16 years and 6 months old. I have some acne on my face which I really hate but I see people on the streets with worse skin than me. Good thing I identified the acne problem at a good time: I now take a drug, like you, everyday which reduces the effects of acne and thankfully it has improved it a lot and my spots have almost gone.
My second condition is my eyesight. I have severe Myopia: -6.00 in my right eye, and -9.5 in the left eye. This is severe because i'm only 16 and eyesight gets worse until the age of 20 (according to the optician). He reckons my eyesight will be -11 and -7.5 by the age of 20. I'm very sure less than 1% of the population have similar or worse eyesight to me. Nevertheless, I live life to the fullest.
Appearance is just appearance. I have a friend who has scarred and severed arms too (though I will not name him) and he too uses TSR.
Lastly, you have a full life ahead of you. Think of life as a gift. It is awesome - there's so much entertainment around us. Think of those suffering in parts of Africa: little food, little water, AIDs, malnutrition, lack of shelter.
Don't just GIVE UP on life.. so what if you have to take medicine for a very long time? I probably have to as well. Medicine is just medicine. You only waste 10 seconds every 24 hours so why complain about medicine?
This may have been said to you many times before, but some are a little unfortunate whereas others are very unfortunate. And trust me, there are those who are more unfortunate than you. I'm not immediately implying that you are weak.
I consider myself to be quite unfortunate but at least I try to live life to the fullest.
I'm 16 years and 6 months old. I have some acne on my face which I really hate but I see people on the streets with worse skin than me. Good thing I identified the acne problem at a good time: I now take a drug, like you, everyday which reduces the effects of acne and thankfully it has improved it a lot and my spots have almost gone.
My second condition is my eyesight. I have severe Myopia: -6.00 in my right eye, and -9.5 in the left eye. This is severe because i'm only 16 and eyesight gets worse until the age of 20 (according to the optician). He reckons my eyesight will be -11 and -7.5 by the age of 20. I'm very sure less than 1% of the population have similar or worse eyesight to me. Nevertheless, I live life to the fullest.
Appearance is just appearance. I have a friend who has scarred and severed arms too (though I will not name him) and he too uses TSR.
Lastly, you have a full life ahead of you. Think of life as a gift. It is awesome - there's so much entertainment around us. Think of those suffering in parts of Africa: little food, little water, AIDs, malnutrition, lack of shelter.
Don't just GIVE UP on life.. so what if you have to take medicine for a very long time? I probably have to as well. Medicine is just medicine. You only waste 10 seconds every 24 hours so why complain about medicine?
With respect I'm not sure you can compare most of those things to severe depression and psychosis. It's hard to 'live life to the fullest' when you have someone in your head constantly telling you you're worthless and that you should kill yourself. It makes normal functioning almost impossible. I'd say it's even comparable to AIDS (if not worse) in the way it cripples your everyday life. Comparing yourself to others is never productive, everyone's problems are difficult for them and it makes no difference that there are people worse off, it won't change anything for the OP to know that.
Reply 6
puppy
There's a lot of stuff in your post that needs addressing.
Firstly, have you been in therapy? Having someone to talk to and someone who expects to see you (alive) every week sometimes helps. The Samaritans are also a good outlet if you just need to talk to someone when you're feeling desperate: 08457 90 90 90
How many anti-psychotics have you tried? It might be a case of trying another. However, I think there's evidence that people who don't take meds for psychosis and schizophrenia actually have a better recovery rate- I don't know much about that though, I haven't read around it. You might look in to alternative ways of coping if the meds aren't doing anything for you. You say you've tried a lot of anti-deps, but have you tried the full range of them, SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs etc.? They work on different receptors in the brain and without knowing your specific brain chemistry it's impossible to predict which one will work, it really is a case of trial and error. If you haven't tried all of those then it's worth talking to your GP or psychiatrist (if you have one) about it.
Have you considered in-patient treatment? It does help some people but obviously it's a big decision. If you're really not coping then it might be another avenue open to you.
I'm not sure what else to suggest without knowing more. I agree that you shouldn't live for other people, but that doesn't mean you should give up, it means you need to find a way to live successfully for yourself. This can take a long time and a lot of effort but we all do it with the hope of better times ahead, that's all you can really hang on to.
There are also lots of friendly helpful people in the depression society (if you're not already posting in there): http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=210775
Firstly, have you been in therapy? Having someone to talk to and someone who expects to see you (alive) every week sometimes helps. The Samaritans are also a good outlet if you just need to talk to someone when you're feeling desperate: 08457 90 90 90
How many anti-psychotics have you tried? It might be a case of trying another. However, I think there's evidence that people who don't take meds for psychosis and schizophrenia actually have a better recovery rate- I don't know much about that though, I haven't read around it. You might look in to alternative ways of coping if the meds aren't doing anything for you. You say you've tried a lot of anti-deps, but have you tried the full range of them, SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs etc.? They work on different receptors in the brain and without knowing your specific brain chemistry it's impossible to predict which one will work, it really is a case of trial and error. If you haven't tried all of those then it's worth talking to your GP or psychiatrist (if you have one) about it.
Have you considered in-patient treatment? It does help some people but obviously it's a big decision. If you're really not coping then it might be another avenue open to you.
I'm not sure what else to suggest without knowing more. I agree that you shouldn't live for other people, but that doesn't mean you should give up, it means you need to find a way to live successfully for yourself. This can take a long time and a lot of effort but we all do it with the hope of better times ahead, that's all you can really hang on to.
There are also lots of friendly helpful people in the depression society (if you're not already posting in there): http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=210775
I have social anxiety, I can't talk on the phone to the samaratans. Normally when he's screaming at me to kill myself I just curl up in bed until he stops or I try to play with my dog.
I've tried all different kinds of anti-depressants and none did a thing. Anti-psychotics wise I'm only on my second one but I'm getting worse. Since starting it the voices are more frequent, and I've heard two conversing which never used to happen, just the 1 saying how crap I am.
I'm terrified of inpatient treatment. I think it would finish it off for me, I can't be caged like that. Everytime I see my psychiatrist I'm scared he'll bring it up, I've already promised myself to run away if he tries it. I don't tell him that the man sometimes tells me to hurt others before they hurt me because I'm scared he'll commit me.
mavoury
This man you hear is not REAL. Your mum loves you. You are not rubbish just ill, through no fault of your own. And things will get better. Maybe not tommorow, or next week, or next year. But someday. And you will have moments of laughter, or smiles, or pure bliss. Please don't throw that away. I don't know you, but I beg not to take your own life. Think of your mum, yes, but think of the people you haven't met yet, who might be great friends or partners. I know its hard, but take each day at a time. Find something good in each of those days, whether its a funny film, a trip to the park, a laugh with your mum, whatever. You shouldn't live for your mum, its true, LIVE FOR YOU. Please don't throw yourself away, even if things are **** right now.
Most of that will never happen. I've lost my sense of humour, the meds took my sex drive, I can't even concentrate through a film, tv show or book. How am I meant to live for me if I have nothing left?
Reply 7
How long have you been like this?
Reply 8
Anonymous
I have social anxiety, I can't talk on the phone to the samaratans. Normally when he's screaming at me to kill myself I just curl up in bed until he stops or I try to play with my dog.
They have an email service too I believe on their website: http://www.samaritans.org/
Reply 9
You are not weak 
Please read this. I found it helpful. I hope that you will too! There are further links at the end of the page.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Please read this. I found it helpful. I hope that you will too! There are further links at the end of the page.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Reply 10
Anonymous
I have social anxiety,
www.socialphobiaworld.com
There are a lot of very friendly, but very troubled people there who will know what you're struggling with. You might find it helpful ( I know some people don't, but it might be worth a try). They are all very supportive.
Reply 11
[QUOTE="Hurricanes" Butterflies="Butterflies" and="and"]
Well this whole post you've been sulking about this "illness" so if all you have to do is take a pill everyday (to possibly help it) then it's really not that bad.
Although the OP has to take a pill everyday, I'm not sure that's what they means when they say they hate their illness. Mental illnesses can have a huge impact on your life and they ARE extremely hard to cope with. I think what the OP meant was that he doesn't like having to take a pill everyday in order to try and make life a little bit more bearable but the main problem is the illness itself.
I don't believe that's true at all. I've been suicidal. I've attempted suicide several times. But I always thought about my family. That would hold me off for a while until I convinced myself they'd be better off without me.
How do you know? They may well be only living for other people at the moment. Yes there is probably at least a little bit of them that still wants to live but that may not be the case. However, OP please keep hanging on. You'll want to live for yourself again one day so let that part win.
I really think you should talk to your psychiatrist again about your medication. It can get tiring but trying new medications until you find the right one can help. About being an inpatient - I'd rather not talk about it on here but if you want to PM me, I have been inpatient due to a mental illness and would be more than happy to let you know more about it.
You can overcome this. It might not seem like it now but you can get this under control and learn to enjoy again. Keep being strong, you'll get there.
Take care and I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you want to talk x
Well this whole post you've been sulking about this "illness" so if all you have to do is take a pill everyday (to possibly help it) then it's really not that bad.
Although the OP has to take a pill everyday, I'm not sure that's what they means when they say they hate their illness. Mental illnesses can have a huge impact on your life and they ARE extremely hard to cope with. I think what the OP meant was that he doesn't like having to take a pill everyday in order to try and make life a little bit more bearable but the main problem is the illness itself.
People who are dead set on topping themselves would know not to think about that stuff. If you're gonna do it dont you think you would have along time ago?, it's good to think about your mum. She sounds like a good support, more than what some people have! Don't throw it away.
I don't believe that's true at all. I've been suicidal. I've attempted suicide several times. But I always thought about my family. That would hold me off for a while until I convinced myself they'd be better off without me.
you're not living for anyone else whatever you may think.
How do you know? They may well be only living for other people at the moment. Yes there is probably at least a little bit of them that still wants to live but that may not be the case. However, OP please keep hanging on. You'll want to live for yourself again one day so let that part win.
I really think you should talk to your psychiatrist again about your medication. It can get tiring but trying new medications until you find the right one can help. About being an inpatient - I'd rather not talk about it on here but if you want to PM me, I have been inpatient due to a mental illness and would be more than happy to let you know more about it.
You can overcome this. It might not seem like it now but you can get this under control and learn to enjoy again. Keep being strong, you'll get there.
Take care and I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you want to talk x
Reply 12
11
Butterflies and Hurricanes
I don't care what you can or can't do, most of that is probably just yourself telling you that. I'm sure you can get out of the house at least once a week. OK, you can't study, then go volunteer at an op shop, or old folks home or something. You need to let your mind wonder. Plus there are plenty of groups out there.
People who are dead set on topping themselves would know not to think about that stuff. If you're gonna do it dont you think you would have along time ago?
you're not living for anyone else whatever you may think.
Things change, but you need to take action and change your thinking first...
Schizophrenia stats: 25% recover fully with medication, 50% have reduced symptoms, 25% are disabled by symptoms even with medication.
Different medications work for different people though, you can also learn to deal with the symptoms better. Go back to your psych team and tell them you need help.
Reply 13
Saffie
They're really not good odds....
butterflies and hurricanes
If you're gonna do it dont you think you would have along time ago?
No. I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I just want the oaub abd tirnent to stop and not to have to live through it.
Reply 14
*pain and torment.
Reply 15
Anonymous
I just don't see the point in struggling through all this when there probably won't be anything left at the end of it. I'm sorry for the rant, I like to write stuff down it makes it easier to think about it.
I just don't see the point in struggling through all this when there probably won't be anything left at the end of it. I'm sorry for the rant, I like to write stuff down it makes it easier to think about it.
What if you did struggle through it and there was something there for you at the end though? Wouldn't it be worth taking that chance?
If you kill yourself, then the chance of you being happy is non-existent, but if you keep going then it's significantly higher.
I was once at a point where I wanted to end my life, this was due to physical pain rather than psychological though - I had lost the ability to walk and was in so much pain that I spent every waking moment screaming or crying. Had I been able to get out of bed, I feel sure that I would have killed myself. I couldn't though, and I didn't, and I got better after a while.
I can now walk again and feel very little pain, though it sometimes comes back. I would not be walking again if I had killed myself. I would not be happy, or loved, or preparing to go to university in October if I had. Don't take away your only chance of happiness.
Reply 16
However small you believe your chance of happiness to be, you've gotta live for it or there's none at all. You're not weak and you're not rubbish - you're ill and it's not your fault. Some day soon you may not be ill, or at least feel a whole lot better than you do now, and you'll be so glad you've kept going through all the crap.
You won't have to spend you're life accounting for scars or being "weird", because, believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who will accept you for who you are, whatever your past or indeed present issues. And "weird", no problem with weird
Even if it doesn't feel like it with all the meds/illness, your life does belong to you and its yours to keep and work with for the better.
Best wishes.
You won't have to spend you're life accounting for scars or being "weird", because, believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who will accept you for who you are, whatever your past or indeed present issues. And "weird", no problem with weird
Even if it doesn't feel like it with all the meds/illness, your life does belong to you and its yours to keep and work with for the better.
Best wishes.
Reply 17
just drop everything. get a mundane non challenging part time job and just do some things you want to do.
thats what i did. i did'nt want to live but at the same time did i really want to die? no. its easy enough to do, if you haven't done it yet then you don't really want to do it.
step back from what you feel is expected of you and just think about what you want to do, its your life.
thats what i did. i did'nt want to live but at the same time did i really want to die? no. its easy enough to do, if you haven't done it yet then you don't really want to do it.
step back from what you feel is expected of you and just think about what you want to do, its your life.
Reply 18
I'm not posting this anonymously; you can PM me anytime.
I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia right after my GCSEs, and it screwed up the next 5 years of my life to no end. Come to think of it, I really don't remember even doing GCSEs, just having not one, but two guys talking to me constantly, seeing moving 'shadows', hearing deep breathing behind me all the time etc.
I know pills suck, I feel the same. I had to spend a year in a psychiatric facility, calling doctors and nurses all the names under the sun because I thought they were trying to kill me. I 'escaped' twice too! I even thought my Mum was poisoning me, and wouldn't let her talk to me. I spent the better part of a year talking to a man who the doctors had trapped in a wall in my room, and that was basically my only company. (Feel free to laugh, I don't mind!)
But hey, enough of the past, I got through it and so will you. I'm restarting my life now, have a place at University and have a future to look forward to.
I was on disability benefits too for five years. It made me feel like a scrounging piece of dirt. But I wasn't. You've taken the best step of all in realising that you are sick and have already gotten help. My anti-depressants and anti-psychotics didn't work for a long time. I was switching pills every month or so. Go to your psychiatrist and tell him exactly how the pills are or aren't working. He or she WILL help you. Don't dwell on the fact that one particular pill does nothing at all for you.
Another step to take is to realise that this guy talking to you is NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. He is not expressing your ideas, he is doing the opposite. It may take years for him to leave (I still hear voices), so you must learn to deal with it. Rationalise it, tell him he's not real, tell him to go ****** himself and get some power over him.
As someone who has gotten through this know that it is possible to have a future. Unfortunately you just have to work for it much harder than anyone else. I remember one night deciding that I would lie in bed and just let myself waste away, but a couple of years later I had a job, and am now in education again. There is a future out there; you can have one too! You just have to believe in yourself, let people help you (never resist) and tell that man you hear to piss off and learn to ignore him.
Now please contact your doctor and explain everything to them. They will understand, don't be scared!
I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia right after my GCSEs, and it screwed up the next 5 years of my life to no end. Come to think of it, I really don't remember even doing GCSEs, just having not one, but two guys talking to me constantly, seeing moving 'shadows', hearing deep breathing behind me all the time etc.
I know pills suck, I feel the same. I had to spend a year in a psychiatric facility, calling doctors and nurses all the names under the sun because I thought they were trying to kill me. I 'escaped' twice too! I even thought my Mum was poisoning me, and wouldn't let her talk to me. I spent the better part of a year talking to a man who the doctors had trapped in a wall in my room, and that was basically my only company. (Feel free to laugh, I don't mind!)
But hey, enough of the past, I got through it and so will you. I'm restarting my life now, have a place at University and have a future to look forward to.
I was on disability benefits too for five years. It made me feel like a scrounging piece of dirt. But I wasn't. You've taken the best step of all in realising that you are sick and have already gotten help. My anti-depressants and anti-psychotics didn't work for a long time. I was switching pills every month or so. Go to your psychiatrist and tell him exactly how the pills are or aren't working. He or she WILL help you. Don't dwell on the fact that one particular pill does nothing at all for you.
Another step to take is to realise that this guy talking to you is NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. He is not expressing your ideas, he is doing the opposite. It may take years for him to leave (I still hear voices), so you must learn to deal with it. Rationalise it, tell him he's not real, tell him to go ****** himself and get some power over him.
As someone who has gotten through this know that it is possible to have a future. Unfortunately you just have to work for it much harder than anyone else. I remember one night deciding that I would lie in bed and just let myself waste away, but a couple of years later I had a job, and am now in education again. There is a future out there; you can have one too! You just have to believe in yourself, let people help you (never resist) and tell that man you hear to piss off and learn to ignore him.
Now please contact your doctor and explain everything to them. They will understand, don't be scared!
Reply 19
11
Anonymous
They're really not good odds....
No. I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I just want the oaub abd tirnent to stop and not to have to live through it.
No. I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I just want the oaub abd tirnent to stop and not to have to live through it.
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