Overanalysing, doubting relationship

Now I've been with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years now and I just cannot for the life of me stop analysing everything. We're both at uni, and its currently the easter break so I don't really get a chance to see him.

I got over the whole analysing everything stage about 6 months ago, but now its suddenly come back again. I'm very very insecure, I feel very worthless and people have told me I need to build up my self worth but I have no idea how to do this. The only time I feel relatively worthy is when my boyfriend pays lots of attention to me, when we are out together, or alone. Its like compliments from other people make no difference.

So now I start analysing things like texts, msn conversations that i have with him, things like that. I read into it all and then convince myself he doesn't love me/doesn't love me as much as he used to etc. I don't know why any of this should even matter when hes stuck by me through everything. I'm very difficult at times, I have struggled with depression and at one point almost attempted to take my life. The ironic thing is that all the depressive feelings I have from time to time are because of the overanalysing. But I just cannot stop feeling needy, and desperate.

Help. :frown:

Reply 1

h82think

As you love him, you are scared of loosing him, which is a perfectly natural feeling to be having.

This happened to me too, except it almost ruined my relationship. It gave my bf the impression that I didn't trust him.

Just relax and everything should be fine :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Im exactly the same. My boyfriend goes away for five days and I just can't stop anaylysing everything, why he hasn't rung me, why he didn't talk for long. Is he being funny in his texts, does he even miss me at all? Is he having more fun without me. Will he come back and tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Its really hard I know. Know he is back he is working loads so I can't see him barely. I analyse this wayy to much too, he'd rather work than be with me etc etc.

I can also be very difficult at time. The pill causes depression on occasions so he has to put up with me being distraught for days lol, I also can get very arsey with him if he doesn't do what he told me he was going to do, like meet me at this time or something stupid becasue it makes me think he doesn't care and makes me insecure.

Hmmm.....i have issues lol.

I know how it's difficult. I think we just have to tell ourselves how much he (our boyfriends) love us when we feel like this. Think of how he shows it. Look at some of the messages he has sent you that are reassuring.

I don't think I can ever be reassured of how much I am loved but even so...those feelings will be there. We just have to try and control them if we feel them get overwhelming (It's horrible when it does) because it could ruin the relationship which otherwise would have been perfect.

Good luck!

Reply 3

spacecowgirl89

I used to be like this when I was younger and overanalysed my relationship to the point where my ex broke up with me over it. I'm much more relaxed now, you can't just force it to happen. But just keep yourself busy with other things, it sounds like it stems from being quite dependent on him. You need to spend more time with your girlfriends and work on your other commitments and relationships in life. Your boyfriend won't randomly leave you, you've been together a long time. Everyone has phases of doubt throughout their relationship but don't let it take over your life and make you panic. It's probably only 'cos you're not spending time with him so you can't gauge his reaction to you etc...I used to be like this all the time. He's probably just busy/in the bath/his phone battery has died/out and forgotten his phone so don't panic if you don't hear from him straight away! Give it time and you'll feel more relaxed I promise. It just takes time to build up more and more trust. :smile:

Reply 4

Irrelevance

"Negative capability - the ability to be content with only half knowledge" - Keats

Reply 5

dita_parlo

I used to be exactly the same. Then I had CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and it made me a lot better. Maybe this could help?

Reply 6

cerise

In excess, overanalysis makes you lose all perspective and instead inject insecurities. Recognise that you're not 'reading' anything, rather unnecessarily fabricating unpleasant scenarios.

Reply 7

Truman

I know the feeling. Me and my gf are in a LDR and when im at uni i always feel lonely and dont really enjoy hanging out with ppl. I dont really have any proper friends at uni and if i dont hear from her i get really paranoid and think its because somethings up with us.

I guess theres no easy solution but i find it helps just to remind yourself your being irrational and that if you continue to do this not only will you not enjoy your relationship but you might put it at risk.

Reply 8

Robob

Oh dear god, you're one of them.

Reply 9

pandora7

This is probably something to do with yourself rather than the relationship.

I can't give any good advice but I don't want to start a new thread and just going to rant here.
My boyfriend has been absolutely ****e to me lately. Last Monday we had a fight where it ended with me hanging up. We've only got the chance to talk today and we never got around talking about it because he just didn't feel like it. So i thought fine whatever, it was a long time ago and can't really give a **** about it anymore. now we're talking on msn, he's high as **** and can't really reason with him. his msn display picture is him smoking from a bong, i told him to change it as it offends me but he refused!!! it's not even the fact that i don't like drugs, (I smoke weed from time to time) but it's the fact that he totally disregarded my feelings and didn't want to do what i asked!! **** it, i sound spoiled right now but i can't deal with his **** anymore. if he had asked me to stop doing something with good reason, i sure as hell would. i'm just sick of feeling like he doesn't really care how i feel or what i say. **** it. i'm over it :mad:

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