The Student Room Group

Cheating - rebuilding trust

So my girlfriend cheated on me 4 months ago. We ended up sorting it out then and I gave her another chance.

One of the things I wanted was to see her location using find my friends on iPhone. This was one of our conditions when we got back together.

Now she wants to remove it cause she finds it ‘controlling’ and she doesn’t stay out as late. We had a big argument that removing it is kind of breaking trust vs her being controlled.

I have grown trust in her again over the few months but I do still check the app sometimes. Imo, not removing it will ensure the trust and I said that I don’t expect her to go home early as long as she is home. Whereas removing it raises questions as it’s not full trust, and also her being so adamant on removing it makes me question her.

Am I wrong to ask her to keep it?

Scroll to see replies

How long have you been together for?

What did she do specifically that would constitute as infidelity to you?
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 2
We had been together about 3 months until she cheated (not just a one night thing) and now it’s been 3 months so a total of 6
let her remove it, she needs to see that you trust her, if she wants to cheat again then she will cheat regardless, i can see both sides of the argument but you just need to let her do her own thing and see what happens. If she cheats then you will find out, its very hard to keep something like that from someone (friends telling friends etc) and then you will know. Imo using the app to make sure that shes home means that you dont trust her to not go home and thats not a healthy relationship, obviously you would be cautious as she did cheat but if its going to cause this many problems between you then maybe you should leave it? personally i believe that once someone has cheated the trust can never fully be re-built and the relationship should just be ended, but good for you if youre putting in the effort to keep it going. So yeah, let her turn it off, give her that trust, and see what happens.
Sounds like she can’t be trusted. If she’s got nothing to hide why not let you have her on find my friends? 3 months isn’t a serious relationship so I’d just end it if I were you.
Reply 5
She had one guy who I found out she had been sleeping with, who she met on a night out. They were exchanging texts like boyfriend and girlfriend cause he didn’t know about me. I believe there were also other guys having checked her texts as she gave me full access to her phone.
In all honestly, she seems like someone worth letting go. My ex-boyfriend cheated on my about 3 years ago. I was heartbroken and he was constantly pressuring me to lose my virginity to him. I gave him a second chance and he blew it. I was so relieved I didn’t give him myself. Not too long after I met somebody else, Dale. He wanted to take things slow with me and didn’t want to do anything to hurt me because he had also been through a similar past. We fell in love and a few weeks ago I lost my virginity to him. He’s truly a great guy and it makes me glad that I let Greg go. Once a cheat, always a cheat. You can never trust people like them. Who knows, maybe you'll find love with someone else. :smile: Good luck with your situation.
Reply 7
You clearly still don't trust her. Having some GPS tracking app installed on her phone is going overboard.

The only solution was to ditch her, you still have that option now. It's not about whether she will cheat again (she might), but the fact that you don't trust her is only going to cause more problems in this relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
She had one guy who I found out she had been sleeping with, who she met on a night out. They were exchanging texts like boyfriend and girlfriend cause he didn’t know about me. I believe there were also other guys having checked her texts as she gave me full access to her phone.


shes definitely not to be trusted, youll end up getting hurt if you stay with her 100%
Original post by Anonymous
We had been together about 3 months until she cheated (not just a one night thing) and now it’s been 3 months so a total of 6


And why haven't you broken up with her?
Well you don't trust her fully, as you still check her location even if it's only occasionally. Her wanting it to be removed is suspicious but maybe she feels that you should fully trust her by now? I dunno, I think you're justified in wanting it to remain but I can see her point of view.
Original post by Anonymous
So my girlfriend cheated on me 4 months ago. We ended up sorting it out then and I gave her another chance.

One of the things I wanted was to see her location using find my friends on iPhone. This was one of our conditions when we got back together.

Now she wants to remove it cause she finds it ‘controlling’ and she doesn’t stay out as late. We had a big argument that removing it is kind of breaking trust vs her being controlled.

I have grown trust in her again over the few months but I do still check the app sometimes. Imo, not removing it will ensure the trust and I said that I don’t expect her to go home early as long as she is home. Whereas removing it raises questions as it’s not full trust, and also her being so adamant on removing it makes me question her.

Am I wrong to ask her to keep it?


I wouldn't bother even trying to fix a three month relationship. I gave up on a two year one when I found out he cheated. You can find someone who isn't disloyal. It is too emotionally investing and difficult to try and regain trust in a failing relationship.
Wow, that is super controlling. Let her remove it, if you can't cope that is your problem and you need to break up with her - you clearly don't trust her.
Original post by UWS
You clearly still don't trust her. Having some GPS tracking app installed on her phone is going overboard.

The only solution was to ditch her, you still have that option now. It's not about whether she will cheat again (she might), but the fact that you don't trust her is only going to cause more problems in this relationship.


lol it’s not a GPS tracking device it’s just find my friends which is an app all iPhones have. I’ve got loads of my contacts on it (including my boyfriend), it’s handy to have.

I agree he should break up with her though.
I didn’t break up with her back then cause I thought she deserved another chance. And she has been changing and becoming more honest with me, showing me to her friends and telling her parents I exist (which she didn’t previously).

I thought this at the time: ‘if I don’t try then I’ll always ask what if’ or that I didn’t want to give up
Original post by Goz Unlimited
Well you don't trust her fully, as you still check her location even if it's only occasionally. Her wanting it to be removed is suspicious but maybe she feels that you should fully trust her by now? I dunno, I think you're justified in wanting it to remain but I can see her point of view.


I agree that she does feel like I should fully trust her which I generally have gained more of. But I guess for me this app was a condition of us getting back together and I don’t really see why my trust is worth less than her freedom(which I haven’t been taking away - I don’t tell her to go home when she’s out late)
Original post by Anonymous
I didn’t break up with her back then cause I thought she deserved another chance. And she has been changing and becoming more honest with me, showing me to her friends and telling her parents I exist (which she didn’t previously).

I thought this at the time: ‘if I don’t try then I’ll always ask what if’ or that I didn’t want to give up


You are so naive.
Original post by Anonymous
So my girlfriend cheated on me 4 months ago.


Damn I'm sorry to hear that!


Original post by Anonymous


One of the things I wanted was to see her location using find my friends on iPhone. This was one of our conditions when we got back together.

Now she wants to remove it cause she finds it ‘controlling’ and she doesn’t stay out as late. We had a big argument that removing it is kind of breaking trust vs her being controlled.

I have grown trust in her again over the few months but I do still check the app sometimes.


This is enough information to suggest you really really don't trust her and there's confidence and insecurity issues in the relationship so this may cause more problems (as another user has said). She cheated once but that doesn't mean it'll be necessarily the last time.

At the end of the day, she's not your property so keeping track of her location is just harsh and an invasion of her privacy.

Original post by Anonymous
She had one guy who I found out she had been sleeping with, who she met on a night out. They were exchanging texts like boyfriend and girlfriend cause he didn’t know about me. I believe there were also other guys having checked her texts as she gave me full access to her phone.


The boy(s) she was texting didn't know about you so she didn't bother bringing up your name in the picture, perhaps that rings an alarm bell?

I don't see this working out honestly, you seem to be one invested into keeping the relationship alive.

I remember reading somewhere on social media that breaking someone's trust is like crumpling a piece of paper, you can try and smooth it out as much as you want but it'll never be the same again. Basically meaning that once you break someone's trust (which is fragile), you can't go back to the same level as trust once you've broken their trust.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by runtime-error
How did it go down when you confronted her?


Yeah I guess I have been a bit idealistic about this..

It’s just tough to invest so much and then to just leave

Re above:
She tried to deny it at first, I insisted and she finally told the truth. I said exactly how I felt was betrayed and disappointed, she cried and eventually said sorry.

Few days later she made me a book she made about our time together and how she hated herself for it. Showed up at my door with a gift and the book.
Original post by ManLike007
The boy(s) she was texting didn't know about you so she didn't bother bringing up your name in the picture, perhaps that rings an alarm bell?

I don't see this working out honestly, you seem to be one invested into keeping the relationship alive.

I remember reading somewhere on social media that breaking someone's trust is like crumpling a piece of paper, you can try and smooth it out as much as you want but it'll never be the same again. Basically meaning that once you break someone's trust (which is fragile), you can't go back to the same level as trust once you've broken their trust.


Thanks for the insight! I do agree it’s tough to recover and it would take a while.

She has tried too but I guess maybe she’s had enough of my distrust?

Quick Reply

Latest