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Am I right to be annoyed with my girlfriend over this?

I don't feel like my girlfriend makes enough of an effort to come and see me. Granted, she doesn't drive and I do, and it would be at least two buses for her to come and see me at mine. But every time she comes to mine I always pick her up. I have to pay for a toll road too. So to pick her up and drop her off, it costs me £8 in toll money and about the same in fuel. I have asked a few times for money for the toll but I don't see why i should have to ask. In the 7 months we've been together, she's never made the journey on her own or got a lift from her parents. I've damaged my foot so I can't drive for a few weeks so we won't see each other for that time. Also she's going on holiday so i won't see her.
So yeah, I'm frustrated but do I have the right to be?

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I can understand how she might not want to get two buses, however I would certainly offer you money to cover the toll if it was me. It's easy to get lazy if you have someone who will make all of the effort without complaint.

However, the alarm bells would be ringing to me if you can't drive to see her and she still doesn't bother to make the effort, particularly if she's going on holiday soon too. The thing I've learned with the people who I've been with in the past is that the guys I've really liked are the ones I've made the effort to see - no matter how long it takes, or how much it costs. The guys I haven't been that bothered about I have let come to see me. I didn't realise it at the time, in fact it's only reading this post that I have noticed the difference.

Before I moved in with my partner, I would drive to see him every single day, and it is a half hour drive. I didn't mind at all. I had more free time and I knew he was working, so I would meet him at his after work. Now we live together and it's perfect. Honestly, if you love someone you'll make the effort to see them - so I would be questioning how your girlfriend really feels, if I was you.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I don't feel like my girlfriend makes enough of an effort to come and see me. Granted, she doesn't drive and I do, and it would be at least two buses for her to come and see me at mine. But every time she comes to mine I always pick her up. I have to pay for a toll road too. So to pick her up and drop her off, it costs me £8 in toll money and about the same in fuel. I have asked a few times for money for the toll but I don't see why i should have to ask. In the 7 months we've been together, she's never made the journey on her own or got a lift from her parents. I've damaged my foot so I can't drive for a few weeks so we won't see each other for that time. Also she's going on holiday so i won't see her.
So yeah, I'm frustrated but do I have the right to be?


I have no sympathy for you. You don't own her, do you? She is not a slave.

You should marry her and then you will see her more.
I think it's fair enough to be annoyed - but I would question if you have a job and she doesn't, or if there is an age gap with respect to the money?
It definitely sounds like something you should talk about with her. You shouldn't have to be the one to put in the full cost and effort to spend time together every single time.

I don't think taking two buses is really an excuse not to make the effort to come see you. That sounds to me like she's either too lazy to come see you or doesn't want to pay the fare.
Reply 5
Original post by sinfonietta
It definitely sounds like something you should talk about with her. You shouldn't have to be the one to put in the full cost and effort to spend time together every single time.

I don't think taking two buses is really an excuse not to make the effort to come see you. That sounds to me like she's either too lazy to come see you or doesn't want to pay the fare.


I guess. To be fair, she has said she's concious about her laziness and wants to work on it. Maybe this is the chance for her to do so. I'm going to do a master's degree in a few weeks. I simply won't have the time or money to keep picking her up.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's fair enough to be annoyed - but I would question if you have a job and she doesn't, or if there is an age gap with respect to the money?

Thanks. Well I've just left my job so I'm unemployed until I start a master's degree in September. I've spent the last 2 years saving for this. We're pretty much the same age.
just say I am German when we win, but I am an immigrant when we lose and then leave.

She will get the message
Reply 8
"You don't own her, do you? She is not a slave"

You've completely misread this and haven't got the point at all. If anything I'm the slave. I'm putting all the effort in
Reply 9
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
I can understand how she might not want to get two buses, however I would certainly offer you money to cover the toll if it was me. It's easy to get lazy if you have someone who will make all of the effort without complaint.

However, the alarm bells would be ringing to me if you can't drive to see her and she still doesn't bother to make the effort, particularly if she's going on holiday soon too. The thing I've learned with the people who I've been with in the past is that the guys I've really liked are the ones I've made the effort to see - no matter how long it takes, or how much it costs. The guys I haven't been that bothered about I have let come to see me. I didn't realise it at the time, in fact it's only reading this post that I have noticed the difference.

Before I moved in with my partner, I would drive to see him every single day, and it is a half hour drive. I didn't mind at all. I had more free time and I knew he was working, so I would meet him at his after work. Now we live together and it's perfect. Honestly, if you love someone you'll make the effort to see them - so I would be questioning how your girlfriend really feels, if I was you.


I think it's something me and her definitely need to talk about.

Those are some powerful, thought provoking, if not some what upsetting words
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's something me and her definitely need to talk about.

Those are some powerful, thought provoking, if not some what upsetting words


I'm sorry if my response upset you, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that life is too short to be dating someone who doesn't value you, and doesn't treat you brilliantly. It just sounds to me like she can't be bothered, and you deserve better than that.
I'd be angry too. If it's easier for you to travel it's probably fair you do it more often BUT she should be showing she appreciates that e.g by paying for your fuel. She should also be making the effort to come herself regularly.
Reply 12
Bro drop her

She obviously doesn't give a shite because she can't be arsed to come see you
Cant get excited by it.


Stay in touch with skype.

If you are housebound then yes.

In future then why not meet half way?

Maybe the distance is too much for both of you?
Original post by doodle_333
I'd be angry too. If it's easier for you to travel it's probably fair you do it more often BUT she should be showing she appreciates that e.g by paying for your fuel. She should also be making the effort to come herself regularly.


See, I don't mind picking her up. Yeah, it's a pain, but i understand it's difficult for her to get here. But it's getting to the point now where it's becoming expected rather than appreciated.
Original post by as125
Bro drop her

She obviously doesn't give a shite because she can't be arsed to come see you


Sadly if we don't solve this soon, we may have to have that conversation. I don't need this when I'm about to start my masters degree
Original post by 999tigger
Cant get excited by it.


Stay in touch with skype.

If you are housebound then yes.

In future then why not meet half way?

Maybe the distance is too much for both of you?


I know that she had boyfriends who lived just as far from me and she travelled. Granted, one of them didn't drive. But why am I different? Maybe she's got to comfortable with the idea of a boyfriend like me who will ferry her around. But it needs to change
Havent you suggested this to her
Original post by Anonymous
I know that she had boyfriends who lived just as far from me and she travelled. Granted, one of them didn't drive. But why am I different? Maybe she's got to comfortable with the idea of a boyfriend like me who will ferry her around. But it needs to change


Then talk to her. I feel bored with the relationship, sounds more of a chore and you sound disgruntled.

Not that i would expect her to travel, but nothing much is being done to bridge the gap. Doesnt sound like its going in a great direction.
Work on a solution with her and if she isnt interested then work on one for you.
Original post by Anonymous
See, I don't mind picking her up. Yeah, it's a pain, but i understand it's difficult for her to get here. But it's getting to the point now where it's becoming expected rather than appreciated.


I understand. Personally I'd always be saying 'I can get the bus' and giving you the choice.

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