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How to respond to this guy???

This guy (who I have a kind of complicated history with) told me he is in love with me. I told him quite clearly that I don't want a relationship right now, although I would like to stay friends with him. We had been texting a little, mainly just to wish me happy birthday and a couple of other times over the past few weeks. A couple of nights ago he sent me a poem, and it was a sweet poem, so I wrote back saying basically saying it was a lovely poem and thanking him (I didn't really know how to respond, but it was a nice poem)... Anyway, he writes back saying he "misses me being in London" and I said that I missed being in London too. Then he asks "And what about me". I didn't reply, mainly because I don't really miss him (we had recently caught up again after not having spoken for over a year) and I felt like I couldn't say "no" - I had already been upfront with him about not wanting a relationship or anything. Anyway, then after a day of me not replying he tests me "Understandable. Will leave you alone"

What can I say so that he doesn't hate me but won't give him the wrong idea???

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I don't think things will be the same from here on it'll just be awkward
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think things will be the same from here on it'll just be awkward


Should I just not reply?
Just tell him you feel as though your feelings are different for him than his are for you, and that you would be happy to stay friends, but you don't feel that this would be enough for him.

Ignoring him seems a bit mean, he needs to know how you feel so he can sort his own head out.
Original post by Anonymous
Should I just not reply?


Yeah. I would advise you to leave him alone. Maybe he will move on and forget.
Do you like him or nah?
He clearly likes you and is still trying. I think his "Understandable. Will leave you alone." while passive aggressive is probably the right move. You might need to leave trying to be friends with this guy until a later date when he's had a chance to move on.
Reply 7
He wrote you a poem?! 😂😂😂

I would have said "Boy gtfo of here with that cheesy William Shakespeare sheeet"
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Do you like him or nah?


I like him as a person, and I don't want to be mean to him, but I definitely do not want a relationship with him
Reply 9
Original post by as125
He wrote you a poem?! 😂😂😂

I would have said "Boy gtfo of here with that cheesy William Shakespeare sheeet"


Haha, it was a little cheesy, but he'd clearly spent a bit of time on it and I didn't want to be rude! Lol, probably a mistake
Original post by Anonymous
I like him as a person, and I don't want to be mean to him, but I definitely do not want a relationship with him


You should just tell him that- make it clear and direct :u:
Original post by as125
He wrote you a poem?! 😂😂😂

I would have said "Boy gtfo of here with that cheesy William Shakespeare sheeet"


LOOOOOL same aha, imagine your mcm writing you poems every morning like f*ck that im out :rofl:

Bless the guy though, some guys do weird stuff when they are in love...
but that's when you know the love is genuine.
(unless it's creepy **** like goddamn).
Original post by sinfonietta
He clearly likes you and is still trying. I think his "Understandable. Will leave you alone." while passive aggressive is probably the right move. You might need to leave trying to be friends with this guy until a later date when he's had a chance to move on.


Yeah, I think probably unfortunately, I won't be able to be friends with him any time soon... Do you think I should respond at all, like "Maybe you're right. I hope at some point in the future we can be friends"
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, I think probably unfortunately, I won't be able to be friends with him any time soon... Do you think I should respond at all, like "Maybe you're right. I hope at some point in the future we can be friends"


I personally wouldn't, because of the likeliness of it leading to an awkward discussion. But it might be a nice way of letting him know you're not outright ignoring him.
I'd certainly say leaving him on "read" is a dickmove and may needlessly cause him more heart ache. Text back explaining the situation; his feelings and your feelings for each other aren't compatible and you both need some time to clear the air.
Reply 15
You have been courteous, firm and polite all through these exchanges. Just reply by saying Thank You = no more, no less. That way you politely accept what he has said as the best way, and acknowledge that. Two words will do it!
(edited 5 years ago)
Nah, bad mojo, that's what happens if you try and manipulate people into missing you, when push comes to shove they leave you hanging and it's awkward as hell.

Had v similar with a former FWB who wanted something more serious, long after she had already been told no and we'd cooled it she started with the wee poems and things, and it SOUNDS nice until you clock it for what it is, seriously pushy manipulation designed to get an emotional response. So after a point it just makes you seriously uncomfortable knowing that's the motive behind everything.

So, Yeah i'd just leave it, don't reward manipulation with attention. Failing that just be straight and say you didn't appreciate the pushyness of what he said, wrapped in flowery poetry as it may be.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by StriderHort
Nah, bad mojo, that's what happens if you try and manipulate people into missing you, when push comes to shove they leave you hanging and it's awkward as hell.

Had v similar with a former FWB who wanted something more serious, long after she had already been told no and we'd cooled it she started with the wee poems and things, and it SOUNDS nice until you clock it for what it is, seriously pushy manipulation designed to get an emotional response. So after a point it just makes you seriously uncomfortable knowing that's the motive behind everything.

So, Yeah i'd just leave it, don't reward manipulation with attention. Failing that just be straight and say you didn't appreciate the pushyness of what he said, wrapped in flowery poetry as it may be.


Yeah, I kind of feel like it is quite emotionally manipulative really... Especially as he has mentioned before how badly he takes rejection because his mother abandoned him, so it's made it really difficult for me to fully cut things off
What do you feel about him now? What kind of past did you had? Have you been together you you just had sex together? What is the reason that he is still in love with you or he just feels alone and he wants to have sex with you.. I don't know what to respond him. Just ask him why he is writing you again after a year and maybe the conversation will flow and you will know what to say after that
He suddenly loves you after a year of no contact? He probably has issues in his own life and is quite needy at the minute. Just gently tell him that you don't feel the same way. I wouldn't mention anything about remaining friends, as I can't see that happening - far too awkward.

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