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Why do I get zero replies to my messages in online dating (I'm male)
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Just for a bit of background - I'm male, 26 years old, white, university educated, 5'11, not overweight or really skinny.
I've tried online dating at various points in my life over the last 6 or 7 years. I've used OkCupid, PlentyofFish and several other sites.
But one thing is common. No matter which site I use, I get zero replies to my messages.
I always fill out my profile to try and seem as interesting as possible. I fill out my hobbies section, my ideal date, whether I'm looking for something short/long term. I never leave any section blank. I don't write too much, but I write enough to seem like I am interesting and fun to be around.
My photos are fine. Usually a photo of just me, taken by someone else, having a good time in a social situation. Much like most people's photos.
When I message a girl, I always take time to read her profile. My messages show I have clearly read her profile. I try to say something funny/witty and not make it too long. I put a lot of effort into all my messages.
And yet nothing. No replies from any girl at all. I message a wide range of girls - young, old, black, white, asian, university educated, non-university educated, good looking girls and not so good looking girls. The theme is common - no replies.
Is online dating just a waste of time for males? It would appear so. The only conclusion I can draw is a) I'm ugly b) girls on dating sites aren't really interested in dating c) the girls' profiles are fake. Having any other guys experienced a similar thing?
I've tried online dating at various points in my life over the last 6 or 7 years. I've used OkCupid, PlentyofFish and several other sites.
But one thing is common. No matter which site I use, I get zero replies to my messages.
I always fill out my profile to try and seem as interesting as possible. I fill out my hobbies section, my ideal date, whether I'm looking for something short/long term. I never leave any section blank. I don't write too much, but I write enough to seem like I am interesting and fun to be around.
My photos are fine. Usually a photo of just me, taken by someone else, having a good time in a social situation. Much like most people's photos.
When I message a girl, I always take time to read her profile. My messages show I have clearly read her profile. I try to say something funny/witty and not make it too long. I put a lot of effort into all my messages.
And yet nothing. No replies from any girl at all. I message a wide range of girls - young, old, black, white, asian, university educated, non-university educated, good looking girls and not so good looking girls. The theme is common - no replies.
Is online dating just a waste of time for males? It would appear so. The only conclusion I can draw is a) I'm ugly b) girls on dating sites aren't really interested in dating c) the girls' profiles are fake. Having any other guys experienced a similar thing?
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#3
You are most likely unattractive facially (or, rather, not above average looking facially). Just being average is nowhere near enough.
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#4
even if you do meet someone online, it doesn't usually go anywhere, it's too artificial...It's best to meet someone through friends, interests, work, studying etc.
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#5
It might depend on the type of thing you say when you message them. Sometimes the best thing is just to say hey rather than a comment about them or yourself etc. If you start a conversation how you would a friend then you might get a reply.
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#6
Girls get hundreds of messages. It's not that they're not replying to you, they're not replying to anyone.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
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#7
You have over 100 other guys to compete with, the girl will simply look at the most attractive guy and reply to him. Unless you're really attractive or female, your chances of getting a reply are pretty low. Perhaps your profile isn't as interesting as you think it is, or you're simply unlucky.
r/Okcupid will give you feedback on your profile if you post it there.
What many people forget that real life exists and put all their eggs into one basket. I don't consider myself attractive but I managed to score 2 dates from Okcupid/POF (when I was single), albeit resulting in nothing. Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
r/Okcupid will give you feedback on your profile if you post it there.
What many people forget that real life exists and put all their eggs into one basket. I don't consider myself attractive but I managed to score 2 dates from Okcupid/POF (when I was single), albeit resulting in nothing. Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
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#8
This could be due to a number of reasons
1) something to do with your profile - appearance, interests, etc
2) what you're saying to them
3) something to do with them -they could just be busy or something or have extremely high standards
4) the dating site could be dead
If I were you, I would try a different website or try meeting someone in real life by attending parties
1) something to do with your profile - appearance, interests, etc
2) what you're saying to them
3) something to do with them -they could just be busy or something or have extremely high standards
4) the dating site could be dead
If I were you, I would try a different website or try meeting someone in real life by attending parties
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#9
(Original post by UWS)
Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
If you happen to be at the top of her inbox when she logs in *and* she doesn't think you look like Quasimodo's unfortunate looking brother, you've got a decent chance.
But those odds are beyond tiny.
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#10
Put in less effort, stop trying so hard. Also you haven't mentioned it, but have you tried Tinder? I personally don't know anyone who uses those other sites, so the problem might be you are going on sites which aren't used as much.
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Put in less effort, stop trying so hard. Also you haven't mentioned it, but have you tried Tinder? I personally don't know anyone who uses those other sites, so the problem might be you are going on sites which aren't used as much.
Put in less effort, stop trying so hard. Also you haven't mentioned it, but have you tried Tinder? I personally don't know anyone who uses those other sites, so the problem might be you are going on sites which aren't used as much.
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(Original post by Analyst89)
I think the females are too picky and have an abundance of men to pick.
I think the females are too picky and have an abundance of men to pick.
(Original post by ilem)
You are most likely unattractive facially (or, rather, not above average looking facially). Just being average is nowhere near enough.
You are most likely unattractive facially (or, rather, not above average looking facially). Just being average is nowhere near enough.
(Original post by Anonymous)
even if you do meet someone online, it doesn't usually go anywhere, it's too artificial...It's best to meet someone through friends, interests, work, studying etc.
even if you do meet someone online, it doesn't usually go anywhere, it's too artificial...It's best to meet someone through friends, interests, work, studying etc.
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#13
I love how you put the essentials in there straightaway - I'm young, male and WHITE. dammit why does no one want me - I'M WHITE!!!
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I love how you put the essentials in there straightaway - I'm young, male and WHITE. dammit why does no one want me - I'M WHITE!!!
I love how you put the essentials in there straightaway - I'm young, male and WHITE. dammit why does no one want me - I'M WHITE!!!
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(Original post by Molly8w)
It might depend on the type of thing you say when you message them. Sometimes the best thing is just to say hey rather than a comment about them or yourself etc. If you start a conversation how you would a friend then you might get a reply.
It might depend on the type of thing you say when you message them. Sometimes the best thing is just to say hey rather than a comment about them or yourself etc. If you start a conversation how you would a friend then you might get a reply.
(Original post by Drewski)
Girls get hundreds of messages. It's not that they're not replying to you, they're not replying to anyone.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
Girls get hundreds of messages. It's not that they're not replying to you, they're not replying to anyone.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
I wonder what you need to be to be considered as attractive by women on these sites.
(Original post by UWS)
You have over 100 other guys to compete with, the girl will simply look at the most attractive guy and reply to him. Unless you're really attractive or female, your chances of getting a reply are pretty low. Perhaps your profile isn't as interesting as you think it is, or you're simply unlucky.
r/Okcupid will give you feedback on your profile if you post it there.
What many people forget that real life exists and put all their eggs into one basket. I don't consider myself attractive but I managed to score 2 dates from Okcupid/POF (when I was single), albeit resulting in nothing. Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
You have over 100 other guys to compete with, the girl will simply look at the most attractive guy and reply to him. Unless you're really attractive or female, your chances of getting a reply are pretty low. Perhaps your profile isn't as interesting as you think it is, or you're simply unlucky.
r/Okcupid will give you feedback on your profile if you post it there.
What many people forget that real life exists and put all their eggs into one basket. I don't consider myself attractive but I managed to score 2 dates from Okcupid/POF (when I was single), albeit resulting in nothing. Online dating is a numbers game tbh, you either get lucky or you don't.
0
reply
Report
#16
(Original post by Drewski)
Girls get hundreds of messages. It's not that they're not replying to you, they're not replying to anyone.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
Girls get hundreds of messages. It's not that they're not replying to you, they're not replying to anyone.
A recent OkCupid survey said that the women on the site rated 80% of the men there as below average. The odds are not in your favour.
Get out and meet people in the real world.
But then I think she's an emotional masochist. She decided at one point, she told me, that all local men are not with bothering with, because they all didn't like kids or didn't have the right priorities, or something. So she went exclusively long-distace. With men who were working office jobs and had kids of their own. And then complained that they weren't making an effort to make time to be with her. STUPID WOMAN YOU'RE SEEING A GUY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY WHO CAN'T JUST DROP EVERYTHING TO **** YOU WHENEVER YOU SAY
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This could be due to a number of reasons
1) something to do with your profile - appearance, interests, etc
2) what you're saying to them
3) something to do with them -they could just be busy or something or have extremely high standards
4) the dating site could be dead
If I were you, I would try a different website or try meeting someone in real life by attending parties
This could be due to a number of reasons
1) something to do with your profile - appearance, interests, etc
2) what you're saying to them
3) something to do with them -they could just be busy or something or have extremely high standards
4) the dating site could be dead
If I were you, I would try a different website or try meeting someone in real life by attending parties
(Original post by Anonymous)
Put in less effort, stop trying so hard. Also you haven't mentioned it, but have you tried Tinder? I personally don't know anyone who uses those other sites, so the problem might be you are going on sites which aren't used as much.
Put in less effort, stop trying so hard. Also you haven't mentioned it, but have you tried Tinder? I personally don't know anyone who uses those other sites, so the problem might be you are going on sites which aren't used as much.
Those sites are clearly used. There are hundreds of women who live near me on those sites, and I often see a green light next to their name (which tells you they are online right now). So clearly these sites are being used a lot.
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe I am. How attractive do you have to be facially, and what can I do to become facially attractive enough for girls to message me?
Maybe I am. How attractive do you have to be facially, and what can I do to become facially attractive enough for girls to message me?
Not much you can do tbh. If you've got a fat face then you should lose weight and it might help a lot. But if not, then you can only really get surgery.
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks. If girls don't even reply to you if you're attractive, is asking for feedback on my profile worth doing? After all, it seems like I need to be really good looking to even get a girl to consider replying to me.
Thanks. If girls don't even reply to you if you're attractive, is asking for feedback on my profile worth doing? After all, it seems like I need to be really good looking to even get a girl to consider replying to me.
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#20
I'm late here but it will come down to how cute you are compared to the other 100 men messaging her. It's possible to get lucky though. I'm only slightly above average looking but my charm and tattoos help. Most women are suckers for bad boys.
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