Marriage

What would be the point of proposing if a) you've been coerced into it, when it should come naturally to you without being prompted, and b) you're not actually anywhere near being able to get married? You sound very young and weddings are (usually) expensive.

Not being funny, but how can you tell that they are young from that? And even if he is, young people can get married too.
I think that it's great for couples to talk about getting married, and he obv likes the idea. Maybe it has come naturally to him but he thought she might not be ready or something.

Anyway, for a wedding you need a venue and a date obv, you need to decide about whether you want to/can get married in a church, you need to decide a guest list, who you want to be your best man, she needs to decide who she wants to be the bridesmaids and she needs to sort out a dress! You'll haveto think about food and seating plans, and music for later! You will also need to think about budgets and who is going to pay for it all. (e.g. traditionally it is the brides family, but of course you may want to pay for it yourself or your parents may agree to pay).

Of course, you and your gf will be able to discuss all of this when you are engaged, there is no need to rush to get everything sorted too quickly, but remember to get the invites asap (and well in advance) when you have decided the venue and the date, so that people can keep the date free!

Hope that helps, and good luck!

Anyway, for a wedding you need a venue and a date obv, you need to decide about whether you want to/can get married in a church, you need to decide a guest list, who you want to be your best man, she needs to decide who she wants to be the bridesmaids and she needs to sort out a dress! You'll haveto think about food and seating plans, and music for later! You will also need to think about budgets and who is going to pay for it all. (e.g. traditionally it is the brides family, but of course you may want to pay for it yourself or your parents may agree to pay).

OK, so you're 21. Older than I thought. Same age as me Is she 21 as well or is she younger/older? How long have you been together?

And are you actually in a position to get married? Even if you don't have an expensive do, you will presumably want to live together and so need money for a deposit on a house or flat, or at least a stable job so that you can keep up rent payments.

As for what you actually 'need' for a wedding, the answer is very little. You can get married in a chapel or registry office and have a very minimal ceremony. You will also need to prove that you are both over 18 (so that you don't need the consent of your parents). You need at least 2 witnesses I think (these don't even have to be people known to you - you can have randomers pulled off the street to act as witnesses!) and presumably you will also both want something nice to wear. Presumably also you have to pay something for the ceremony so I'm guessing the absolute minimal cost for the ceremony will be £100 upwards. Then if you want to have a reception you could always do something minimal again (e.g. pub!) that doesn't have to cost very much.

However, I reckon such minimal ceremonies are rare. The vast majority of weddings cost a lot more than this.

You dont necessarily have to be 'older' to be able to afford a wedding. Who says you have to have a big white wedding anyway?

P.s. about proposing, there are many ways to do it! Try to think of a place that is special to you and her, somewhere that she really likes and do it there. Have you talked about a ring? Or do you know roughly what type she likes? Platinum/white gold ones are quite popular now, as opposed to the more traditional gold. You could even go ring shopping together Then you could do the traditional down on one knee proposition (after taking her to the place but maybe not telling her where you are going)
Or you could propose in a more public way, like getting a plane to write it into the sky etc... but it depends on what she would like... do you think she'd prefer a more romantic "just the two of you" proposition?

Exactly my point - nobody needs a big white wedding, but most people do want a wedding with all the trimmings, and that costs money. I only know one couple who had a really minimal wedding. She didn't even have a traditional wedding dress, they both turned up together in one car rather than separately in the conventional two, and the reception was at her parents' house.

And as I said earlier, when I say about the money I don't just mean the ceremony and reception. You need to have the money to live somewhere together too, unless you fancy flat-sharing as a married couple or living with your parents.

When starsilver says about the type of ring, beware: platinum is hideously expensive and white gold is a pain in the backside (there's actually no such thing: white gold is just platinum-plated yellow gold, which has to be replated every few years. I have a white gold ring which I've had for nearly 4 years but I reckon it will need replating within another 4). Just to tell you to make sure you know what you're getting when you buy the rings (engagement and wedding).

oh, and anon - you've de-anoned...

I don't know. The whole tone of the first post just sounded naive to me. And while young people can get married, and I know people my age who are married, like it or not you have to be properly set up first.


Read my other post. Most of what you describe isn't actually *needed* to get married and I think you underestimate how expensive all that extra stuff is.

Thanks a lot. Yes that does help, I shall rep you tomorrow when I am able