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Long distance relationship help

Please dont de anon for my girlfriend uses this forum.

Im a first year Uni student and in June (before i started uni) got together with a great girl and shes amazing. Weve made it so far in uni but always its been really really hard and we see each other for sometimes 3-6 days per 2 months. At first, I could handle this but now its just got harder and harder. She lives around 400 miles away and the journey takes ages and I cant afford to see her more. She is in her last year of college and so she will have less time as exams loom nearer and nearer. Ive been feeling really distant from all my friends but especially from her because it hurts so very much and although I love her so very very much the pain is just so much.

Everyone says i need to stay with her but I think the pain is too much to handle sometimes... what do i do? I think I need to talk to her, but i just dont want to hurt her anymore. She means so much to me and would be if we remained friends, its just that the pain of a Long Distance relationship is so very very much.

Please help. Thank you xx

Reply 1

emilina

17

your not at uni forever. it will end sometime and then you will be able to spend more time together wont you? you just have to figure out if its worth it.
my sister and her bf have a LDR she lives in colchester (down south) and he lives neer Leeds (up north) and only see each other a couple of times a month but they manage.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

But we see each other every few months and its so painful. Even if im not at uni, i cant visit her as much as i like. Its really crap :frown:

Reply 3

givvy

my brother lives in north wales, his gf lives in kent
they've been together for nearly 5 years, go to seperate unis so only see eachother every 2-3 months but I suppose its always been that way for them so they're used to it.
He says it physically hurts sometimes but its worth every minute.

Reply 4

emilina

17

if you feel it would hurt less to break up with her thats up to you. but then you would never see her again. and if you did it wouldnt be the same. you wouldnt be able to hug her or anything again. i think you need to pro and con it.

Reply 5

Wind Guru

8

Personally I find long distance relationships incredibly hard. I was in one myself last year and it just felt like a part time relationship. He could rarely come home and I couldn't visit because I had other commitments (exams etc.)

By the sounds of your post it sounds like you've considered breaking up with her ... In a realistic way, if the pain is hurting you too much perhaps the best way is to end it - then you can move on (eventually) and stop suffering this sadness. But how will you feel about the break up itself? will you be able to cope?

Reply 6

EvilSheep

Come join us in the LDR society OP! We're all in LDRs (well, apart from one) and we're all very nice and supportive :smile:

Reply 7

hendy16

my LDR is sooooo painful too but it wud be worse if i broke up with him, i couldnt handle it, i love him sooo much. Just think about wen ur not at uni how great it will be and just focus on that xx

Reply 8

cherryl002

Im not at university but me and my boyfriend started going out about 4 years ago when i was 14 and he was 17. We started going out at school and year later he went to university and stayed there. I see him once a week sometimes even once every 2 weeks. He is now in his last year and we still growing strong. At first it was so hard, as we hadnt been apart for this long before. We miss each other but its knowing that I got exams and he got exams and a career to achieve that keeps mind occupied. You can ring her, text, email or msn. Not the end of the world. You do get used to it and when you see each should be special and not thinking omg im not going to see you for another two weeks. You shouldnt think like that. Im just finishing a levels so ive been at school for ages while he finishes university in a year. If you really love her you will just have to try and put ur emotions aside and get focused. And being friends with her wont help, trust me we tried it and ended up together again coz just meant to be. Just communicate in other ways. Buy her a webcam and you do the same. Try not to worry, just go with it, you shouldnt break up coz u miss each other, as that just shows how much u care for each other. Love can make you stronger and distance makes the heart grow fonder. Hope this helps! Dont worry! :wink:

Reply 9

Amy_13

Surely if it hurts so much now then wouldn't it be worse if you weren't actually a couple?
And besides, it's the summer soon :-) you can spend ages with her then. I found that the second year my boyfriend was at uni was a lot easier. It does get easier!

Reply 10

Nahny01

emilina

your not at uni forever. it will end sometime and then you will be able to spend more time together wont you? you just have to figure out if its worth it.
my sister and her bf have a LDR she lives in colchester (down south) and he lives neer Leeds (up north) and only see each other a couple of times a month but they manage.

ooooooh im from colchester :biggrin:

OP: Your situation sounds very much like what mine was. I was in a LDR for over 2 and a half years. We loved each other sooooooo much, but we knew something wasn't right. If you are hurting right now, things will probably get worse. I started feeling bad about my relationship about 4 months before we broke up, and just over a month and a half has past and i feel better. Yeah i love him and still think of him, but you will grow much stronger and realise that being in that amount of depression and pain when you were with her isn't worth going back to. But no one here can tell you what to do, all we can do is just give advice :smile:

Reply 11

doolie_xx

1

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and for 2 of these years I've been at university. We're from Northern Ireland but I've had to go to Liverpool to study. I only get to see him once every 3 or 4 weeks and because flights are becoming more expensive, it looks like I'll see him even less than that next year.

It's hard and sometimes it physically hurts to say goodbye to him but, as someone has already said, university isn't forever. I'm in a 5 year course so I've still got 3 years until we can try and start a normal life together! I deal with it by keeping my life in perspective- I want a successful career to support myself and, if I'm still with my boyfriend when I graduate, it'll be a great foundation to begin a life with him. You need to do this if you're ever going to cope with a long distance relationship.

Long distance relationships are a real test of a relationship but if you get through it, you know you'll be able to cope with anything else you'll be faced with in the future.

Long distance relationship help

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