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My sad life story(this is serious so no trolling)

Im in my early-mid twenties now, and despite at the time being bitter over growing up with nothing and no money and bullied due to parents on benefits due to illness I realise I enjoyed myself more then than I have in the last 5 or more years.

Each "phase" of my life I had great enjoyment that the next one had due to "growing" in more ways than one.

Before I started high school I was popular apart from being poor, used to spend my free time playing with friends, on my ZX Spectrum or Master System or Mega Drive. Watching kids shows that compared to now were fantastic just not very well acted or drawn(as they were hand drawn and not computer drawn)

Then started High School, the next phase was obsessed with Power Rangers and got bullied due to it(apparantly even though it was just released and popular not at my school even for a 12 year old) I was obsessed with American comedys like Cybil and Friends.

I also spent a huge amount of time reading, went to the library read things like Asterix and Tintin, Adrian Mole. Little Vampire and enjoyed them.

A lot changed over the next year or 2, all the kids shows I grew up with stopped getting shown, the PS1 and Sega Saturn were released so it was a new generation as such. I was miserable yet able to have some spark and hope of a future.

Then when I was 15 I was even more excited, got a PS1 did prelims and many who bullied me suddenly started being nice and talking about the future and asking if I was going to college and such.

I pretty much stopped playing my spectrum due to the PS1, then a few months later got fantastic grades and started college, where suddenly I was popular, started smoking pot and drinking alcohol(all for free from friends!) and though I still enjoyed things like Friends and Cybil I had a choice between that or a night out I didnt know. I had also a fantastic Penpal who I had become friends with when I was 14 and a half and finally met her and girls started to be attracted to me(some stunners too) I was at the peak of my happiness but even so missed going on holiday with parents to local caravan park but at same time embraced my new life.

Then started college and all went fanastic, on my second day of living away from home(and a week before I started college) I went to local town library and was so happy I talked to this gorgeous blonde, sure I was really attracted to her but I was more wanting a friend and to voice how happy I was. I thought she wasnt interested till I saw her a few days later and she remembered the whole conversation including my name and put her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek and was giggly(and she looked model attractive!) at the same time on a night out I was regularly "pulling" though as I was a shy guy at the time I went home alone blushing but heart beating as I was so happy.

I went to the cinema as much as every day, went walking everywhere, did work experience, and being 17(in 1999-2000) was the peak of my life.

Unfortunatly I became a bit of a typical student, i wasnt lazy as such, but started being late to lectures then as I hated being shouted at by lecturers became a bit later and later. But still was time of my life.

When I was 18 I became a bit crazy, opened about 5 student accounts and had 3 student credit cards and became over 8 grand in debt in 2 months due to buying a tv, dvd(back when they were like £200) quite a few £40 console games, clubbing a lot and as such didnt turn up to a single lecture left officially in November but had my grant paid till Janurary so left the halls then.

Then signed on for about 3 months and met a friend who I was friends with for 5 years(before he changed and was nasty to me a lot and said I changed, which I had in a way) we stayed up all night getting stoned watching Ali G and sharing a kebab, watching movies like Scream or I know what you did last summer etc.

I then got a job at a holiday park and was there for 6 months in Yorkshire and
really enjoyed that too, but wasnt the best employee, I did work hard but always turned up late because I hated my boss as she used to say sexist remarks about men being """""" she just got divorced as all men were evil, men are disgusting pigs, men are only good for one thing etc and it affected my performance at work.

I then went to uni part time(as didnt have A levels) that was back home at parents, enjoyed it in a way made some friends but got stressed to easily and didnt make the effort, I did write essays and researched them on net and read some books but didnt have the motivation to try as hard as the high achivers so only got C's

I left after a year and signed on again for about 6 months and lived at home, again didnt enjoy nor not enjoy it but wanted freedom so moved to a grotty bedsit whilst I worked in a factory then a few months later came back and got a nice well paid job and a better bedsit.

By now I was 21 and that was really the last time I enjoyed myself, I had the odd woman attracted to me on a night out but also had women give me the loser sign.

The employer realised they had overstaffed and fired over half the workforce so I went back to college for 6 months but had some enjoyment.

This is where my life got destroyed.

My brother was accused of murdering his fiance over the fact she had cheated on him constantly and also gone clubbing leaving their 6 month old baby alone and crying and soaked in urine and poo. Everyone rallyed around, everyone who knew him and the family were convinced he was innocent, loads of evidence was never mentioned in the media about how he couldnt have done it, i.e it was mentioned he went clubbing the night before she died with me, but he came home with me and they said he went home with a girl and cheated. my parents dog scratched him and a police and private doctor gave reports saying it was a dogs scratch the media said it was his fiance scratching at him to get free. When he was arrested he didnt cry until a few minutes later therefore he was guilty(what a stupid argument) the girl who the police claimed my brother slept with claimed after his fiance died she came to my bedsit and slept with him(in the space of 5 minutes they had sex, got clothes off and on, made the bed) yet my statement proved her wrong(as did CCTV which showed she never even entered my house) but the media never mentioned my side.

My brother was beaten up around town for no reason, to the point of having his arm broken and both black eyes and he was on the verge of suicide a lot having lost contact with his daughter also(the social work took her from him as he was still a suspect) and gave her to the parents of his dead fiance who used to beat her up when she was a kid(plus had changed their statements twice after she went missing) i.e before she was found dead they first claimed they went round and had keys to the flat on the Tuesday(she was found dead on the Saturday and was there for a week) and went in and she wasnt there.

They then changed it to they went round and put a note through the door but had no keys

They finally changed it to they never put a note through the door just went round.

But each was strange as when the police went round the door was locked from the inside meaning for one my brother couldnt of done it as the killer would have had to left via a window(and they lived above ground level) yet when he last left the house before being arrested he had the baby, the buggy and some clothes etc. how could he get those out a window and down a level? and the door can only be locked if another set arent in the door so if the girls parents came round and the door was locked how then did the police say it was unlocked?

Everyone whos knew him said it wasnt in him to ever hurt a woman, sure he liked flirting and such with women on a night out, but never hurt a woman in his life, my brother at this point had marks on his arms so I reckon he had been cutting himself(knife like marks and months after the murder)

Also when the police searched the flat, the place was trashed to the point that wardrobes had been smashed, clothes were over the floor, and both his stereos, his ps2, his tv, all his cds and console games his expensive clothes like a designer shirt and his contract and PAYG mobile "vanished" the police station was damaged in a leak/flood over this time and a lot of stuff was damaged, but the police claim an inventory was never made therefore he couldnt claim insurance from them, and at same time all they offered back was 3 ruined shirts and a few photos but said by signing for them he waived his right to anything else they had so he refused.

Anyway this all happened around the time I turned 22, and my brother was arrested again shortly after and spent a year in jail where my familys name was destroyed before the trial came and more disgusting things about.

Eventually my brother was found innocent 1 day after my birthday by the time I was 23 but his life was pretty much over, his daughter had been adopted away by the disgusting social work who used everything as an excuse and twisted every little thing about psycological reports and medical reports to do so. And as far as the public goes just being thought of as the suspect stains you for life so my brother had to start again in the other end of country alone.

It destroyed me too, my parents now get councelling but only had a few sessions as that was all the government paid for.

I lasted another year in the town I grew up in before moving away and starting college again but have had depression since then, on and off, I did have a excellent start and got better until 6 months after moving in a friend moved in and he "caught" depression because he got fired from a job and couldnt get JSA so lived off £20 hardship a week and was in bad debt with landlord due to this so he himself was on the point of either commiting suicide or smashing things up and that depressed me as I was in the middle and he resented me having savings and money and being at college and going to university.

I started university full of happiness but still felt so old im 25 and feel like im 40, I am older than most at my uni and oldest on my course, whilst they are getting overdrafts and loans and partying im sitting on own struggling to write an essay as I havent the mindset or calmness.

I havent read a book in years, I havent played video games properly in years apart from short bursts(up till the murder i played games most days regular, same for movies) I just cant get comfortable with anything now and I cry that im alone as I find it hard to connect to someone as they are so happy.

I was at parents for 9 days over easter and relaxed a bit but wasnt comfortable then came back to halls and had 8 days of bliss before my loud hallmates who all have sex within the group of 15 of them(and more, plus they all have partners) always slam doors, scream kick walls, treat the place like they and they alone own it and can do what they want and """" the rest.

What I really want to do/know is how to get out of this, as I just wish I was 17 again, not just as it was best time of my life but I was young and with a bright future even if I was 17 again now I could do so much.

But as I cant how can I make the most of what the future holds

As im fed up of hearing how people had worse lives as someone in their family had cancer, or third world people and children are dying, people are homeless as its essentially saying get over myself.

Dont mean to offend anyone sorry just want some warm loving attention(obviously not from here lol) from here just some encouraging words.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Stub

Sounds like you need someone to talk to

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Im being serious and I forgot its April 1st tommorow.

Reply 3

EarlHickey

Its getting common now this sort of thing, have noticed in increasingly

Reply 4

Brighten

Try therapy? I honestly don't think anyone on here would be able to help you particularly.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Well I knew people couldnt help me in the general sense but hint at how to make my life better as its at the point where I kinda give bad vibes as people dont want to be around me and call me weird behind my back..

I didnt want therapy at first and tried to be strong but after I asked doctor they said theres like a 4 month waiting list then be lucky to get 1 appointment every 2 months.

Reply 6

natalie s

If this is true, i really sympathise. Hang in there, and try to focus more on the future and less on the past. You say you've started uni again, that's a great step forward, try joining a few societies or meeting people other than those in your halls. Try doing some of the things you enjoyed when you were younger, reading, gaming etc. You've survived the worst, it can only get better, right?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thats what I think really but I havent had that experience to make me feel better, uni started great till the idiots moved in, like they are using frying pans to hit walls now, and/or play tennis with them or kick footballs and laughing as if the world belongs to them and heres me wanting to relax and see the best of life.

I honestly just want a kick back to being 17 even if im not as in having loads of friends, going to their house and watching movies maybe with a joint, having a beer or 2, going up town or to cinema etc.

Tried reading but at most can read online/scans of comics, I can read a book but the other problem is the internet I feel bare without my internet or mobile

When I was on holiday with my parents I read the same 3 books over and over and loved reading them.

I had my old snes with me and only 4 games and loved it.

But tried getting some books from library when I was here but couldnt handle it just couldnt get the mental stimulus as I go for the quick pick me ups like depressing songs from depressing bands or guitar music or watch a short movie about death and destructions as it makes me feel a bit better.

Reply 8

sbkynetik

Hey that's all really hard stuff to cope with. Some of the comments in reply to this are a little harsh. I think you've got to find someone to talk to, someone who can help you look to the future instead of clinging onto the past. Thinking about these things... You can't necessarily change the past, so try to focus more on your self, become more independant and find some good friends you can talk with.

Reply 9

Yoda

Yoda's life also may become sad had he read all of that. Fortunately he did not.

Reply 10

natalie s

This might sound a little lame, but have you thought about joining your uni's gym? Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and I find it always makes me feel better, i know my life is in no way comparable to yours, but it may go some way in helping you become more focused.

Reply 11

roma1987

why is everyone being so mean to the OP? i mean even if it an *****1st thingy then haha very funny but what if it isnt? thats not fair we cant just go about making assumptions.

one thing i would say is, the past is the past you cant go back to it yes remember it with fondness but dont crave it because its not coming back to you, the future is what is in your hands now and although you arent in the mindset to really think you have a bright future remember you have oppertunities and choices and go for them take risks, in the past video games made you happy but there is so much more out there that can make you happy.

in terms of where you live at uni, are there not halls designed for grad students because at the uni i go to there are, and if you can afford it maybe live in your own place for a bit?

try and meet people of your age in your uni city are there any courses designed for graduates? you could meet those people or get a job and meet people your age or maybe join the gym? the gym is a great place to meet people and do something for you.

there is not much we can say on here, but you still have your life ahead of you....10 years down the lines you dont want to be stuck in the same place and have regrets. make the most of it :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

natalie s

Am part of gym but dont go often as too tired.

Reply 13

Zerforax

Stop trying to re-create the past or past emotions/joys and make new ones.

Reply 14

Custer

roma1987

why is everyone being so mean to the OP? i mean even if it as ***** **** then haha very funny but what if it isnt?

Don't worry, there is no doubt here :wink:

Reply 15

Somebody

Anonymous

I didnt want therapy at first and tried to be strong but after I asked doctor they said theres like a 4 month waiting list then be lucky to get 1 appointment every 2 months.

I'm not sure if it's the same for every uni, but I know my uni has a conselling facility. Why not see if your uni does too and try and get something there?

Also, does anyone at your uni know even part of what you said in your first post? If not, do you feel like you could talk to someone? Even just having a friend that knows a bit about the past can be a help, even if you don't really talk about it.

Reply 16

squeak

I'd recommend going to a uni councellor too, and why not go to your accommodation office to change where you live, you get to look around so you can choose somewhere quieter, with nicer people...

Reply 17

lolilady---O

Your poor brother :frown:

That's terrible. I really think you need to open up to someone about your feelings. It doesn't have to be to a GP. What about family or friends you can trust? Also about you being 25. That is still so young. Honestly, people do degrees at 40 +, so get that out of your head.

Reply 18

Miss_Scarlett

I really think it is so difficult for us to post here, and for any words that we say to do any justice.

This is not a long term solution, but to get things off your chest without fear of being judged why not call Samaritans: UK: 08457 90 90 90 or ROI: 1850 60 90 90

Best of Luck :smile:

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

To be honest I don't think your life is sad compared to many other people. Open your fridge and think about the people in Ethiopia, you will feel better. Your life is much better than many others. At least you have enough food, you have a safe place to live in, you have freedom, you have clean water, you have.... cherish what you have and stop moaning :smile: