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I have feelings for men

Okay, so I am an 18 year old boy and I think I might be gay. I have been jacking off to gay porn for about two years almost everyday and I LOVE it. I also occasionally jack off to straight/lesbian porn and like it too, but admittedly the gay porn does more for me and I ejaculate more.So I like men?The problem is, I come from a Sikh family, and although we're not overly religious, the men/boys my age or slightly older in my family are very 'macho' and hard. My dad is homophobic and my mum isn't too keen herself on LGBT . If I came out, I know none of them will accept me and if I did come out, life wouldn't be the same for my parents, they will feel ashamed and others will make them feel ashamed. They are respected in our family, and I feel like if I came out I'd just be throwing their heads in the ground - how can I do this?! They have always talked about me getting married to a beautiful woman and having children, and I would love this to be the case but I want a husband, not a wife, not really. Sometimes I've thought of living with a woman and marrying her, but it's not fair on her, unless she's a lesbian but what are the chances of finding someone who wants what I want that is a Sikh lesbian?! I want to live with a gorgeous man abroad, or far away from where I live and spend my life with him, but I follow my religion too and I believe in it, but I know if I came out, the community will not accept me. . I'm not feminine so nobody has questionned my sexuality (not stereotyping here)So, do I just run away from home when I am financially stable and have found a man? When I go to university, I hope to go to some gay saunas/clubs and find a man, but I will be living a double life!!! Can anyone give some advice!
You sure you ain't a Bi that is leaning a bit more towards men?
You 'think you MIGHT be gay' but you have 'been jacking off to gay porn for about 2 years'

To be realistic, youll have to ditch the parents at some point if you want a happy life... Maybe question why they have a problem with it...
Having an interest in gay porn doesn't automatically mean that you are gay. Some straight or bi people are into this too. What you see in porn isn't real either, it is staged. You can't say for certain until you meet someone in real life that you fall for.

If you are gay, tell your family when you are ready. If they are not accepting of you, it can be awful, but you need to find the courage to find your own happiness.
Hi :smile: Bi 18 year old here.

You seem to have this bit figured out already, with you mentioning financial stability and all, but I just want to advise you and anyone else who sees this NEVER to come out to seriously homophobic family while living in the same house as them. It's not worth the abuse you could receive, or even losing your home altogether.

For many people, university is an opportunity to leave home and find a safe place for themselves, so I'd recommend either this time or a similar situation to come out SAFELY.

In regards to your specific situation, OP, I can't say I've ever been in a similar situation linking family religion and sexuality, but I do have one homophobic parent myself. I know the fear of their future reaction, but we can't let that stop us from being ourselves. Many have tried and failed and it all just ends in crisis.

It may be too strong a word, but I beg you not to force yourself into a life of lies. Obviously it wouldn't be a wonderful experience to lock yourself into a marriage with someone you could never love that way, and as you implied, it could be incredibly hurtful or even damaging to the other person if they knew.

Of course, this is a tricky situation - there's no simple answer. I can't tell you what to do. But I'd suggest moving out when it's appropriate for you, (whether that be university or another time,) and then telling them. Maybe your family could even grow to be accepting at least to some degree if not wholly, knowing that their beloved son is the way he is.

You'll have the opportunity to make other LGBT friends too if you don't have some already - it's always nice to have some support that understands :smile:

Best of luck to you!

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