I think I have Body Dysphormia??? Watch
It has become a massive struggle,whenever I go shopping,I can barely buy any dresses,tops with straps or open chest tops (I started getting chest acne also),even if I love the design of the shirt,I won’t allow myself to wear it outside. Back in school,when girls would get changed in the changing rooms,I would hide in a corner to get changed & ALWAYS made sure my hair covers my back.
I won’t even let myself cut my hair short,as with my long hair it’s easier to cover my back,so I don’t want to cut it because I feel like I would just be exposing my back acne. One time,I wore an off the shoulder top on holiday because it was too warm & my sister covered my back acne with concealer & I have honestly never felt so free & confident in my life,my sister said I was smiling the entire day,even though I continually kept asking her if my back acne is visible .
My family ONLY know about my back acne,I haven’t ever told my friends about it,& even though Ik they would still accept me with it,I stop myself from telling them & idek why,I just feel like they would look at me differently or think that I’m less beautiful because of it. I’m only confident showing my back acne to my family & even then my little brother(he doesn’t understand about stuff like acne yet). He looks at me differently & not like disgust but almost like horrified by the sight of it.-my parents do this too
I’m too insecure to get into a relationship because then they would have to see it & I fear that so much.
I know this is just a puberty thing but I know damn well these acne scars are gonna last for a LONG time on my back & wont be easy to go away. I’ve always thought about getting surgery to remove them when I’m older.
I don’t know if it’s body dysphormia (BD) OR if it’s just a major insecurity of mine,like I know it’s insecurity but does it go beyond that and to body dysphormia? I’ve researched BD & apparently people go through “episodes” where they think they’re are completely ugly,depressed and push everyone they love away from them. I don’t go through that,like i have accepted back acne is a part of me,I’m confident talking about it (WITH FAMILY & doctors only) but I’m not confident to the point where I can just casually walk out the house revealing my back acne to the world. I do sometimes think I’m ugly because of back acne & become depressed from it BUT only for a short amount of time. Like it’s more of a visual thing,when I see it/think about it I become instantly insecure but I’m really busy so I tend to not focus on it that much & im so used to hiding it that I think less about it.
I could really use some advice on this,the older I have gotten the more easier I’ve gotten to accepting it,even though it limits me for wearing stuff I don’t mind that much because I’m not really comfortable showing skin anyways. Please tell me if u can relate to any of this!! & my back acne is not like a little scar that I’m insecure about,the scars spread across my WHOLE back all the way down to the start of my stomach.
If I went out with someone and saw they had backne scars I don’t think it would bother me - they will fade/go white eventually .
I have tanned skin so with body acne scars,when a blemish leaves,it leaves hyperpigmentation,like dots a few shades dark from my skin left by previous acne. Its really annoying because it takes even longer to go away with my tan skin