i'm 19 he is 35 Watch

Emily Budd
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#1
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I have been wuth my bf for 6 months now and he was my first time but most of my friends are saying he is using me when he has been nothing but caring to me, they are all saying the age gap is too much, can our relatonship work?
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icygrl
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16 years 🙃

whoo chile ...
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999tigger
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(Original post by Emily Budd)
I have been wuth my bf for 6 months now and he was my first time but most of my friends are saying he is using me when he has been nothing but caring to me, they are all saying the age gap is too much, can our relatonship work?
I would give it a 1% chance.of lasting

55% + he is just using you.

Dont get sprogged up.
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icygrl
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Tbh the age gap is very big...a lot of older people tend to be controlling in a relationship with a much younger person so I can understand the reactions of your friends. But it’s your life OP do what you want
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AzureCeleste
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The difference in emotional maturity and what you are wanting to do with your life at your ages will be big.
He will most likely want to start settling down and have a family wherelse you are at uni. He'll also have more life experience in general.
I'd be surprised if the relationship lasts tbh.
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Razz13
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(Original post by une rock)
I guess they're a bit wary since he's old enough to be your dad.

You're only 19; barely legal, so it's a little strange that a 35 year old who has experience so much in life (wants to settle down?) has decided to go for a 19 year old. Sounds predatory on paper but we don't know your situation.

Just be careful about what he wants from you.
How many dad's do you know who are 16?
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artful_lounger
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Have you thought about why he is apparently unable to date anyone his own age, or even roughly within that age range? That's pretty telling about his character. So of course he is "caring" - if he's unable to convince anyone who is reasonably nearer his age to date him, he's going to desperately cling to anyone he can, including an inexperienced teenager who doesn't know better (while he does and is clearly doesn't care).

While of course you are both consenting (presumably) adults and it's completely legal, that doesn't mean it's a good idea - obviously it's a bad idea, but it's your prerogative to continue pursuing it...However most people would find the prospect of dating a 19 year old past the age of ~23 or so weird, uncomfortable, or unappealing, if for no other reason than they will be at completely different stages of maturity and approaches to life.

The difference between my maturity level between 19 and 21 was enormous - between 19 and 26, I am nearly a completely different person, honestly. The thought of being 35 and dating a 19 year old is just bizarre to me, and most other people my age or older seem to have a similar perspective. Sure, some guys will probably be happy to have a physical relationship with someone who is young and hot, but none I know of would have any interest in making a meaningful long term relationship out of that. Think about where, if anywhere, the relationship is actually going - are you going to live together? Get married? Are you going to uni? Working? What happens if you leave your job, or get fired, or have to leave uni? What happens if he loses his job/etc? Can you support him? Should you?
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Muserock
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I know a couple with an 18 year gap. It can work. However, I do think you need to talk to each other if the age gap is bothering you about where you see the relationship going.
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Tess Holmes
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my friend who is 18 is with a 40 year old and they are happy been together over a year
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Emily Budd)
I have been wuth my bf for 6 months now and he was my first time but most of my friends are saying he is using me when he has been nothing but caring to me, they are all saying the age gap is too much, can our relatonship work?
It can work if you want it to. If you're both honest and are committed then it will work.
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Dunnig Kruger
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Forget about the age thing. It's relatively unimportant. Don't listen to anyone that's so narrow minded that they think this age difference is a big deal.

Are the 2 of you compatible in the number of children that each of you wants?
Are you compatible in your approach to money? Spending vs saving? Risk taking when investing etc?
Are you compatible in your basic practical life philosophy? Things like being compatible on how you resolve conflict with each other? Compatible in how each of you reacts to adversity? How compatible are you in terms of trust, jealousy, controlling behaviour? Etc.
Are you sexually compatible?


Get a big sheet of paper. Write down all his good features on one side and all his less good features on the other. How do they balance out?

Something else to consider. Even if this man seems perfect, or close to being perfect; at the age of 19 do you want to try a few different men before selecting one to settle down with? There's a lot to be said for trying plenty of different partners during your university and early career years. Treat it as your relationship apprenticeship.


The question isn't "I'm 19, he's 35, can we make it work?"
The question is "Is it in my best interests to get involved in a long term relationship or marriage with this particular man?"
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Vinny C
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How long have you been a couple?
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