The Student Room Group

My family is making me feel depressed and unwanted.

This has been going on for quite a few years now, I just want a true response and help.

I have a brother with autism and Adhd, and he always gets what he wants, at christmas, he ended up getting a gaming pc, and I got an £0.80 sketchpad, when they were spending £600.00 on him, I don't mean to sound jealous, and I know he needs special needs but this is happening even on my birthday, where he gets a handmade cake and I get a cheap chocolate cake from the local supermarket.

They've also started blaming me for everything, if I kindly ask him to clean up his cookery mess (because he cooks every weekend, a fortune in my opinion) , my parents start shouting at me and even ground me just for speaking to him, my dad has even said that I come downstairs to make him agitated, he's even shouted that I'm disrespectful. I've tried speaking to them, and they once understood but it carried on a week later, even when my brother hits me because of his disability, they don't tell him off and as a punishment they sometimes turn off one of ours Wi Fi, and I always seem to be the one who gets that 'privalege'. My brother even broke my ipad, and my laptop by downloading viruses on them, and they tell me to buy my own, however they seem to have all the money in the world to buy things for him.

I've tried getting concelling about this, but it's not working, the only person who understands me is one of my friends who I've known since 2016, and I am so grateful to her.

Another thing is, as soon as I get downstairs to eat breakfast, they start moaning at me explaining their problems, but then they blame me for everything, they've even said that if I wasn't so difficult everything would be alright, but I've tried to make them proud of me and the only way to do that is to hide in my room and not have an opinion on anything, just kinda disappear.

I don't want people to have a go at me about this, because It's a hard topic for me, I only chose to mention it here because there are people with the same experiences and I want to help them too.
Original post by Anonymous
This has been going on for quite a few years now, I just want a true response and help.

I have a brother with autism and Adhd, and he always gets what he wants, at christmas, he ended up getting a gaming pc, and I got an £0.80 sketchpad, when they were spending £600.00 on him, I don't mean to sound jealous, and I know he needs special needs but this is happening even on my birthday, where he gets a handmade cake and I get a cheap chocolate cake from the local supermarket.

They've also started blaming me for everything, if I kindly ask him to clean up his cookery mess (because he cooks every weekend, a fortune in my opinion) , my parents start shouting at me and even ground me just for speaking to him, my dad has even said that I come downstairs to make him agitated, he's even shouted that I'm disrespectful. I've tried speaking to them, and they once understood but it carried on a week later, even when my brother hits me because of his disability, they don't tell him off and as a punishment they sometimes turn off one of ours Wi Fi, and I always seem to be the one who gets that 'privalege'. My brother even broke my ipad, and my laptop by downloading viruses on them, and they tell me to buy my own, however they seem to have all the money in the world to buy things for him.

I've tried getting concelling about this, but it's not working, the only person who understands me is one of my friends who I've known since 2016, and I am so grateful to her.

Another thing is, as soon as I get downstairs to eat breakfast, they start moaning at me explaining their problems, but then they blame me for everything, they've even said that if I wasn't so difficult everything would be alright, but I've tried to make them proud of me and the only way to do that is to hide in my room and not have an opinion on anything, just kinda disappear.

I don't want people to have a go at me about this, because It's a hard topic for me, I only chose to mention it here because there are people with the same experiences and I want to help them too.

Sounds like clear favouritism. Most people do have a favorite child even if they never admit it. For women it tends to be the first born, for men it tends to be the male child.

It doesn't sound abusive, just annoying. Go to Uni and leave them to play happy families. Make friends who will treat you like family. See your parents once or twice a year. Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
This has been going on for quite a few years now, I just want a true response and help.

I have a brother with autism and Adhd, and he always gets what he wants, at christmas, he ended up getting a gaming pc, and I got an £0.80 sketchpad, when they were spending £600.00 on him, I don't mean to sound jealous, and I know he needs special needs but this is happening even on my birthday, where he gets a handmade cake and I get a cheap chocolate cake from the local supermarket.

They've also started blaming me for everything, if I kindly ask him to clean up his cookery mess (because he cooks every weekend, a fortune in my opinion) , my parents start shouting at me and even ground me just for speaking to him, my dad has even said that I come downstairs to make him agitated, he's even shouted that I'm disrespectful. I've tried speaking to them, and they once understood but it carried on a week later, even when my brother hits me because of his disability, they don't tell him off and as a punishment they sometimes turn off one of ours Wi Fi, and I always seem to be the one who gets that 'privalege'. My brother even broke my ipad, and my laptop by downloading viruses on them, and they tell me to buy my own, however they seem to have all the money in the world to buy things for him.

I've tried getting concelling about this, but it's not working, the only person who understands me is one of my friends who I've known since 2016, and I am so grateful to her.

Another thing is, as soon as I get downstairs to eat breakfast, they start moaning at me explaining their problems, but then they blame me for everything, they've even said that if I wasn't so difficult everything would be alright, but I've tried to make them proud of me and the only way to do that is to hide in my room and not have an opinion on anything, just kinda disappear.

I don't want people to have a go at me about this, because It's a hard topic for me, I only chose to mention it here because there are people with the same experiences and I want to help them too.


No I think you are right to say this. I can understand that having a child with autism requires extra care and can put extra stress on your parents, but they shouldn't have to take it out on you and treat you unfairly. Your parents do love you but the situation is making them act in such a way that it seems to favour your brother. Is there anyone else in your family who you can talk to, and they can talk to your parents? Continue to be yourself, don't hide away. You won't be living at home forever, and later on, you will find your own life outside of your family where you have the freedom to do what you want.

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