I Hate Being Home-Educated

I've been feeling depressed for the last 1+ year and I think it's due to this.

I feel alone.
I feel forgotten about.
I feel behind those who go to school - academically.
There's no time for me.
I'm the guinea pig of this family.
I'm going to fail. I know I'll fail.

I feel like I've been going round in circles for the last few years. Nothing I do seems to work. Nothing turns into anything.

I'm unsure if I'm just pinning all these feelings on home-ed. I used to love it. When I properly think, I realise I do isolate myself, I'm never motivated to study, and these negative feelings of being 'alone' are common in depression. I'm not sure if I'm 'just' depressed or if home-ed has done this to me. Is it my brain or my upbringing? Is it both?

Idk this is mainly a rant. I feel very down and have done even more than usual for over a week, maybe two weeks, and it's making me question everything. I spend my days writing sad stories in my spare time and failing at studying for my gcses.

I'm meant to take them next year and then go into college soon after. However I'll have way less than the 'normal' amount and I'm barely halfway through the math book so I dunno if I'll even be able to sit that one, meaning I can't go to college and I'll have to remain at home doing the same things I've ALWAYS been doing - waiting and waiting for life to begin.

I feel worthless and useless and miles behind everyone else. I'm the guinea pig in this family; I'll fail, then my home-educating parent will know what NOT to do for the others. My life will be ruined but hey it's whatever.

I'm trying not to be angry but I feel so stuck. Am I alone? I feel really alone.

PS: Sorry for the long post, kudos to you if you read it all.