Boy friend going to uni

Please keep anon or delete, he uses this forum.

I've been with my bf for a while, we get on really well. I was the first girl he had ever slept with, says he never wants to loose me etc etc
But in October he will be starting uni about 2 hours by train away from me. I'm really worried about what this is going to do to our relationship, and when I tried to speak to him about it he just said we should see how it goes, which seems like a bad sign to me. We haven't been together for that long, but I would like to stay together when he is at uni. I am a year younger than him, and will be going to uni (possibly the same one as him) in 2009. Also he wont be living in the same town as me in the holidays, so seeing him might be difficult.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Do you have any advice about dealing with it? Did you find it possible to make a relationship work? If you were the one going away, did you find it limited your social life / settling in knowing you had a partner at home?
Thanks!!!

Do you trust him?

OP

Yes I trust him. I don't think he would cheat on me if thats what you mean, and I know I wouldn't cheat on him. I'm worried about messing up his chances of settling in with everyone else, is it normal to go off to uni with a partner who isn't there? I'm also worried that the long distance thing would just be too difficult and we'd end up regretting it and wishing we had just stayed as friends. I don't really like thinking about it, it makes me sad, but I think ignoring it wont help either.

Reply 3

Angelil

19

Oh forchrissakes we get way too many of the same thread at this time of year.

Come and visit us in the LDR soc. It most certainly can be done.

Reply 4

Cherry Kisses

13

Its a sad truth but many relashionships break up because of uni, but on the other hand some can work it all depends on both of you not doing anything with another guy/girl, being trust worthy, making the effort to talk each day and see each other as oftern as possible. It most definatly can work out. You need to have a serious conversation with him

Reply 5

sugarlumps.

I'm in that situation now, and it's fine. :smile:

As long as you both want it to work, it does. It's hard work and can be difficult sometimes, but it means the time you do spend with them is even better.

Don't worryyy. :smile:

Reply 6

username47781

20

It is do-able, if you really trust each other and want it to work, but you both have to put the effort in. Obviously not trying to scare you but a lot of relationships don't work because quite simply uni changes you.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

I recently split up with my boyfriend after 3 years. He was back at home working while I was 4 hours away at uni, for us it didn't work out as I changed as a person beng at uni and realised that there were so many things I wanted to do and I didn't want to be tied down. I also found myself keeping things from him which I knew would cause disagreement but where I weren't doing anything wrong e.g sleeping in the same bed as my male friend fully clothed though (I'm female btw) after a night out. But don't worry about it till the time comes and as long as both of you are are still happy then I would personally say that nothing else matters.

Reply 8

Archibald246

13

I have 2 friends who are in this situation. One is a year younger and her bf is going, the other is going to uni while her bf is taking a gap year. Baring in mind i live on the Isle of Man, it is very unlikely that they will see each other for months on end as it would take a boat/flight. The first couple are thinking of staying together, but the girl (my friend) gets quite upset that he (and the rest of us) are leaving. The other couple are almost definitely breaking up, as my friend has always promised herself that she would be single for uni. (she even told me to slap her if she doesn't break up with him...)

I guess it's a personal thing. I mean these couples have completely different viewpoints on it- it's completely up to you and what your relationship is like...

Oh i have a final example. My brother and his gf. He went to uni a year before her and they stayed together. She ended up going to DMU the next year which is right next to the uni he is at and they now live together... They have never been happier, and managed that year well...

Reply 9

madhatter

My brother goes to uni in London and his girlfriend stayed in Switzerland for university. He flies back a lot but they seem to manage fine. In comparison to that, 2 hours away isn't much at all...

Edit: They went to uni in 2006 after going out for a year, and they're still together!

Reply 10

EvilSheep

I ditto Angelil... It can be done, and if you want to talk about it, the LDR soc is there for a reason...

Reply 11

FTC199

13

i might be going away to another town than my boyfriend for uni and if i do then i hope we will stay together and see how it goes but to be honest, if you/he is 17/18 at the moment you are still really young and the chances are you are not going to be together forever.

i know it may sound harsh but if you do end up breaking up because of an LDR then you will get on with your lives separately and knowing that whilst you were together you had a great time but you had to move on with your lives

Reply 12

spacecowgirl89

1

I went away to uni this year for the first time and it involved moving away from my boyfriend. We've been together over two and a half years and didn't even consider breaking up as some couples do. (I'm about an hour away from home and b/f in uni) It is hard to get used to, I'm used to seeing my b/f quite often i.e. every day/other day 'cos he lives on the same road as me so it took a while to get used to but we see each other as much as possible and appreciate our time together more. It is do-able, if you trust him then don't worry. :smile:

Reply 13

ladyluck999

let the boy experience single life a bit whilst at uni. it's the only chance u get. looking back having a gf whilst starting at uni was such a hassle and to be honest a constraint on what normal 19 year old kids should be doing. you will probably disagree but that's the virtue of a free and open forum.

Reply 14

Flamin Nora

7

Yeah sometimes it's hard. My boyfriend went off to uni in London, while I stayed at home to do the last year of my A levels. Tbh, the hardest thing I had to cope with was the jealousy....I hated the fact that he went out partying and drinking with mates every other night, whilst I was stuck at home doing my homework. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't such a big part of his life, like I was when he was back home for the holidays.
Though everyday was brightened by that nightly phonecall...when he reassured me how much he loved me etc. Comunication is essential! Everytime we've argued, it's always because of a lack of communication.
You also need to be very flexible. He may change, and you must adapt if you want to stay with him. And don't smother him with texts/calls when he's there...that won't do your relationship any good.

Reply 15

moshing-fairy

14

I agree with some of the fellow LDRers :biggrin:

come visit us :smile:

.

it's not easy.
but if you love him, is there another option?

Reply 16

Captain Biggles

2

I have two mates that are going out, and one (female) went to university this year while he is staying and working. They're still together and she comes back to visit almost every weekend, but then again that's dependent on the 'visiting almost every weekend' part. :s-smilie:

It should be an eye-opener as to how much you really are made for each other, and it will probably be a bit of a strain on the relationship at first but you must keep in sight the fact that, if you make it work, it will be a real accomplishment for both of you. :smile:

Reply 17

Burnio

I know guys who have gone to uni with girlfriends back at home, but have found it too hard to stay faithful.

If your boyfriend can stay faithful, than good for him. But for a lot of guys the first year is just a massive competition to see who can have the most one night stands.

Just a warning. If you want you can talk to him about it. A guy I knew cheated on his girlfriend at uni around 30 times and to this day she still doesn't know.

Reply 18

fredscarecrow

18

Why have you brought this old thread up again...?

Reply 19

**CutiePie**

1

Why bring it up again ffs?

Boy friend going to uni

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