Can't stop thinking about someone else.

Hi everyone.

A little bit of a strange one, but I really need advice right now so please be kind.

I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I love him so much, he knows me inside out and he treats me like a princess. I cannot fault our relationship- we hardly ever argue and things are plain sailing. We are currently saving for a home of our own and life is looking up as I start my teaching job in September and he has just set up his own business as an electritian.

When I was 13, I had a mad crush on my next door neighbour. This lasted right up until I met my boyfriend. Our families are close, but the conversations between me and him have never gone as far as everyday chit chat, so I don't really know him too well. Over the last 3.5 years, my ex crush has never really entered my mind. However, six months ago, he got his first girlfriend (he's 24). I can't stop thinking about him when I'm alone, and I hate seeing her car pull up on his driveway when she sleeps over- I feel sick to my stomach. I am also having dreams about him too, so he must be on my mind.

I never think of him whilst I'm with my boyfriend, only when I'm at home alone. And as I've said, it's only based on physical appearance as I never really got to know him.

I know this all sounds very irrational, but my thoughts are driving me crazy. It makes me feel like a rubbish girlfriend and I feel ashamed that I'm letting someone else come into my mind. It's making me question my relationship, even though I know it's the best I will ever have and that the grass is never greener.

Any advice here would be very appreciated, thank you in advance.

From a very confused, emotionally exhausted TSR member 🙃X

Reply 1

huraiyrah

14

Hello sister,

I could not possibly fully understand the magnitude of your sufferance but I have some advice, and take from it whatever is useful.

I) Focus on rejuvenating your relationship with your boyfriend. Do more exciting things together, go out more, become emotionally closer.

II) Realise that chasing after this taken man will ruin your stable and loving relationship. Pragmatically weigh out the Looks vs. Personality argument and deduce which will be better for a long term relationship.

III) Try to forget him by taking up a freetime activity such as reading, sketching or programming. This will surely take your mind off your former crush and at the same time teach you new skills and show you new passions.

To conclude, I personally don't believe it'd be nice to take any actions upon this feelings and possibly ruin 2 relationships.

Hope this helps,
Huraiyrah.

Reply 2

L.Cxox

OP

3

Original post by huraiyrah

Hello sister,

I could not possibly fully understand the magnitude of your sufferance but I have some advice, and take from it whatever is useful.

I) Focus on rejuvenating your relationship with your boyfriend. Do more exciting things together, go out more, become emotionally closer.

II) Realise that chasing after this taken man will ruin your stable and loving relationship. Pragmatically weigh out the Looks vs. Personality argument and deduce which will be better for a long term relationship.

III) Try to forget him by taking up a freetime activity such as reading, sketching or programming. This will surely take your mind off your former crush and at the same time teach you new skills and show you new passions.

To conclude, I personally don't believe it'd be nice to take any actions upon this feelings and possibly ruin 2 relationships.

Hope this helps,
Huraiyrah.

Great advice. Thank you so much for your time. X

Reply 3

username47781

20

Think you need to figure out is has your relationship gone stale or routine, maybe it is worth seeing if you can do some things that will bring the spark back etc