Should I give my gf/ex gf another chance?

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collegegrad18
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I’m 22 male, and have been in a relationship with my gf for almost three years. We met at college and had the whole college experience together with many highs but also many lows. We have had a huge number of arguments over this time, mainly fuelled by her insecurities, resulting in us breaking up 3/4 times- the longest for 4 months. She is very insecure around other girls and has alot of jealousy and envy towards them, possibly due to past experience with bullying etc. This is often taken out of me and I am accused of flirting and giving girls too much attention, when in fact that is completely untrue and I have been totally faithful for our entire relationship. She is also insecure when I do things without her, and will make me feel bad for it, or try to stop me from going. Our arguments are extremely repetitive and involve her flipping out at me over something insignificant, she then tries to emotionally blackmail me to do or not do something, which makes everything worse as I am also equally as stubborn and do not like being controlled, so will not just give in and do as she says. The most recent argument surrounded a trip to Barcelona with my friends, she did not want me going and accused me of ‘wanting to be single’ and ‘only going to cheat on me’. She also tried to blackmail me into not going by telling me she would break up with me if I went. This was the last straw for me as its not the first time she has threatened me in this way, I told her I wanted to end the relationship and she soon apologised saying that she has a lot of issues and insecurities that she wants to work on and that it is unacceptable to stop me from doing things. I agreed to give her one more chance as long as she gives up with the attempted control and blackmail, and I also promised to reassure her more; she said she's been thinking about going to therapy, in which I then gave my support for. The next day she again said she wasn't happy with me going and will start arguments if I don’t text her much when I’m there. We moved on from this and I went on holiday without her giving me too much grief. Just over a week later and when we were both feeling a lot of love for each other she decided to start another argument over something insignificant. I added a girl that we both knew from college on fb, and she flipped out. She told me that she had lost sleep over it the night before, and thought it was so unfair that I didn't consult her before I did this. She then threatened to cancel her train to come and visit me (we now live 2 hours from each other) if I didn't delete this girl, and that I make her hate herself. This was just over a week since we had this last argument in which she blackmailed me, and in which she said it will never happen again. I have now properly broken up with her, but am again unsure whether I have made the right choice. She is the best thing in my life and when we are good we both have so much love for each other. She has so many qualities that I don't think I could find in another person, and without her I do not have much else going on in my life. She has told me that she has started therapy and had two sessions, and she wants to make the best version of herself for me, however this isn't the first time she has said this, and I don't want t have a future with someone who is controlling. She also has a difficult family situation, and we have to be certain that we want to be together if we are to continue in the future. Should I give it one more chance?
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username3890778
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Is she your mum or is she gf? Like honestly, this doesn’t sound like a proper relationship. She needs to deal with her insecurities before she gets into a relationship cause it’s clearly negatively effecting you. Don’t give her any more chances.
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DoritoEvie
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(Original post by collegegrad18)
I’m 22 male, and have been in a relationship with my gf for almost three years. We met at college and had the whole college experience together with many highs but also many lows. We have had a huge number of arguments over this time, mainly fuelled by her insecurities, resulting in us breaking up 3/4 times- the longest for 4 months. She is very insecure around other girls and has alot of jealousy and envy towards them, possibly due to past experience with bullying etc. This is often taken out of me and I am accused of flirting and giving girls too much attention, when in fact that is completely untrue and I have been totally faithful for our entire relationship. She is also insecure when I do things without her, and will make me feel bad for it, or try to stop me from going. Our arguments are extremely repetitive and involve her flipping out at me over something insignificant, she then tries to emotionally blackmail me to do or not do something, which makes everything worse as I am also equally as stubborn and do not like being controlled, so will not just give in and do as she says. The most recent argument surrounded a trip to Barcelona with my friends, she did not want me going and accused me of ‘wanting to be single’ and ‘only going to cheat on me’. She also tried to blackmail me into not going by telling me she would break up with me if I went. This was the last straw for me as its not the first time she has threatened me in this way, I told her I wanted to end the relationship and she soon apologised saying that she has a lot of issues and insecurities that she wants to work on and that it is unacceptable to stop me from doing things. I agreed to give her one more chance as long as she gives up with the attempted control and blackmail, and I also promised to reassure her more; she said she's been thinking about going to therapy, in which I then gave my support for. The next day she again said she wasn't happy with me going and will start arguments if I don’t text her much when I’m there. We moved on from this and I went on holiday without her giving me too much grief. Just over a week later and when we were both feeling a lot of love for each other she decided to start another argument over something insignificant. I added a girl that we both knew from college on fb, and she flipped out. She told me that she had lost sleep over it the night before, and thought it was so unfair that I didn't consult her before I did this. She then threatened to cancel her train to come and visit me (we now live 2 hours from each other) if I didn't delete this girl, and that I make her hate herself. This was just over a week since we had this last argument in which she blackmailed me, and in which she said it will never happen again. I have now properly broken up with her, but am again unsure whether I have made the right choice. She is the best thing in my life and when we are good we both have so much love for each other. She has so many qualities that I don't think I could find in another person, and without her I do not have much else going on in my life. She has told me that she has started therapy and had two sessions, and she wants to make the best version of herself for me, however this isn't the first time she has said this, and I don't want t have a future with someone who is controlling. She also has a difficult family situation, and we have to be certain that we want to be together if we are to continue in the future. Should I give it one more chance?
It sounds so much like you're giving her chance, after chance, after chance. And it also sounds like she's not learning anything, because she knows she's gonna get another chance anyway. You're already aware that you're being manipulated, and people don't change that much. It sounds to me as if she's not really trying anyway. This has been going on for three years, and there are points where you have had enough; e.g. now. You've had three years, but do you want this to go on for the rest of your life? - You've answered that you don't want a future with someone who is controlling.

I think it's time to focus on yourself, and not her. You'll get stuck in a devil's circle, and who knows what the next thing will be that will trigger something like this? It could be 10x worse. I think she's had enough chances, and for your own good, leave it at that. Done is done this time. Don't harm yourself or your freedom because of her.

I think right now, you don't want anyone else. You idolise her... But I think it's time to wake up. Someone else will come around one day that'll be okay with what you do and how you are. You don't need this right now.
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