I think I’m bisexual/biromantic, but I have a boyfriend

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Anonymous #1
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Hey guys,

I’ve always been super vague about my sexuality, saying I simply don’t care or that I don’t like to put a label on myself since I never know who I might meet. Pretty much ALL of my friends are bi, gay or something on that spectrum and because of this I’ve always been left out of group chats, events e.c.t which of course bothered me quite a bit. I’ve only ever had straight relationships, and I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and he’s absolutely amazing, I just still feel like I wouldn’t care what someone’s gender is when it comes to having a sexual or a romantic relationship. I don’t know what the term for that is or if there even is one, but now I’m scared to ‘come out’ to my friends after all this time because I don’t know how they might react, if they’ll say I’m just doing it to not be left out anymore or if I’m just ‘jumping on the trend’. I’m also worried about talking to my boyfriend about it, since he might get scared I’ve found someone else or if I’m not into him anymore.

Any advice?

Thanks in advance
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username3941996
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Think about it. Plus remind your friends that you shouldn’t be left out of any events as well. I think you need to confront your feelings. It is genuine? Don’t rush straight into coming out especially when you’re not sure yet.
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UWS
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I think it's worth talking about to your boyfriend. He's someone you can trust and it will make your relationship stronger if you opened out to him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Professional G)
Think about it. Plus remind your friends that you shouldn’t be left out of any events as well. I think you need to confront your feelings. It is genuine? Don’t rush straight into coming out especially when you’re not sure yet.
I don’t know how I would know it’s genuine if that makes sense. Im mature enough that I don’t particularly care about being left out anymore so I don’t think it’s that. Part of me still doesn’t care about putting a label on myself, but the other part kind of wants to be recognised
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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I think you have to be quite careful with this. You have a boyfriend, and however you put it to him, coming out could be quite hurtful to him - even if you're not saying you want to end things with him.

That being said, you should never hide who you are just because of what other people might say - but also make sure that you are thinking these things for genuine reasons rather than to try and fit in with your friendship group.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
I think you have to be quite careful with this. You have a boyfriend, and however you put it to him, coming out could be quite hurtful to him - even if you're not saying you want to end things with him.

That being said, you should never hide who you are just because of what other people might say - but also make sure that you are thinking these things for genuine reasons rather than to try and fit in with your friendship group.
I don’t think it’s to fit in with my friendship group since I’m drifting from them anyway and like I said in a different reply, I don’t really care about being left out anymore because they all seem to have so much unnecessary drama when they do make plans e.c.t. I know my boyfriend will be upset so I’m super hesitant to tell him that I’m even thinking about it. It’s just a pretty sensitive situation I don’t really know how to deal with.

(Original post by UWS)
I think it's worth talking about to your boyfriend. He's someone you can trust and it will make your relationship stronger if you opened out to him.
I know it will most definitely upset him and he’d be hurt and start overthinking- it definitely doesn’t help that we’re in a long distance relationship. Its just a hard situation for me to see a good ending for everyone.
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Joleee
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i don't like most labels tbh. i think we should be free to be ourselves without having to explain it to anyone. i remember my first female friend who turned out to be a lesbian (or bisexual. i never even asked). she always dated dudes, but then one day she just told us she was dating a girl. no explanation, and we didn't ask for one. i realise that's not everyone's experience, and i don't disparage anyone who embraces their coming out story or anyone who embraces labels, but yeah, imho we shouldn't have to explain our sexual preferences, especially when they can evolve over time.

but why would your boyfriend think you're cheating or found someone else just because you're attracted to women also? that would be very stupid of him. just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you want to have sex with everyone who walks. you're just as likely to cheat if you were only attracted to men.
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ItsTomii
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just still feel like I wouldn’t care what someone’s gender is when it comes to having a sexual or a romantic relationship.
That, my friend, is pansexuality. Also, it’s pretty ironic how your friends choose to leave you out based on your “straight” past considering the LGBT movement was about being accepted and treated equally. Life’s funny.
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UWS
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know it will most definitely upset him and he’d be hurt and start overthinking- it definitely doesn’t help that we’re in a long distance relationship. Its just a hard situation for me to see a good ending for everyone.
Why would it upset him? Bisexual means you are attracted to both men and women. If you were lesbian that would be a different story.

A guy who loves you will accept you for you, when it concerns something you can't change such as your sexuality, it's important that you know that he's going to be there for you. Why would you want to be with someone who is against what you are?
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey guys,

I’ve always been super vague about my sexuality, saying I simply don’t care or that I don’t like to put a label on myself since I never know who I might meet. Pretty much ALL of my friends are bi, gay or something on that spectrum and because of this I’ve always been left out of group chats, events e.c.t which of course bothered me quite a bit. I’ve only ever had straight relationships, and I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and he’s absolutely amazing, I just still feel like I wouldn’t care what someone’s gender is when it comes to having a sexual or a romantic relationship. I don’t know what the term for that is or if there even is one, but now I’m scared to ‘come out’ to my friends after all this time because I don’t know how they might react, if they’ll say I’m just doing it to not be left out anymore or if I’m just ‘jumping on the trend’. I’m also worried about talking to my boyfriend about it, since he might get scared I’ve found someone else or if I’m not into him anymore.

Any advice?

Thanks in advance
Does it even matter? You think the guy you're with is amazing, and you're not going to go anywhere soon. Just keep going. You aren't obliged to make a decision or "come out". Just be yourself.
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Mhazie
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*shrugs* Yeah you could be bi. Use the label. Why not??

(Though I would actually also say, if you really do feel like it doesn't matter at all, that can be bi but I've also seen it be a really common thought process in people who haven't realised they're on the asexual spectrum. Maybe consider that, too.)

The fact that your boyfriend might be upset by this is kind of a 'him' problem. Like, obviously, you don't want to make him sad!! I get it! But you're not saying that you've found someone else. You're just saying that you've decided to think more openly about your sexuality. He needs to get over his insecurity and realise that you haven't changed your feelings towards him at all.

Edit: didn't realise I'd resurrected an old thread, oops ...
Last edited by Mhazie; 4 weeks ago
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candydiva
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(Original post by Joleee)
i don't like most labels tbh. i think we should be free to be ourselves without having to explain it to anyone. i remember my first female friend who turned out to be a lesbian (or bisexual. i never even asked). she always dated dudes, but then one day she just told us she was dating a girl. no explanation, and we didn't ask for one. i realise that's not everyone's experience, and i don't disparage anyone who embraces their coming out story or anyone who embraces labels, but yeah, imho we shouldn't have to explain our sexual preferences, especially when they can evolve over time.

but why would your boyfriend think you're cheating or found someone else just because you're attracted to women also? that would be very stupid of him. just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you want to have sex with everyone who walks. you're just as likely to cheat if you were only attracted to men.
Coz guys in ldrs who hear their gf suddenly state hey I'm bi- are not feeling secure already and even if OP doesn't mean it this way, almost always they believe this is the prelude to the Dear John note they naturally fear.... that's just human nature.

I wanna give more props to ur buddy who just started dating a girl...she sounds great... no need for justifications/arguments/explanations, just do it and allow others to come to their own reconciliation with the facts... or not... and then deal with the sit as it happens.
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candydiva
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Also if the girl is bi- now he has twice the potential proportion of cheating encounters to worry about than he did b4...
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