The Quest to A*A*A* for Anxious Dummies
Take a deep sigh—
I am back for another round
If you are overwhelmed by anxiety and have been left stagnating at the summit of early adulthood, you need to understand how to prevent the cycle from spoiling yet another year of your education. The world is full of challenges, but our personal mountains are often the most stubborn to surpass.
Defeating this disorder not only requires one to outwit its ‘modus operandi’ but to understand what supplements the re-emergences. Our newly revised, year-long blog will enlighten us to:
•
Suffering — explaining step-by-step how one anxious twenty-year old struggles to better his future
•
“Getting it together” — how revamping his lifestyle might possibly benefit him for once
•
The students’ greatest sin — reflecting on whether procrastination is a good or evil
•
Gambling — start placing bets today on how deeply ****ed I may be by the end of the next academic year
So, join the movement… but also don’t join the movement, because there is no movement or guidance or advice—this is just another blog by a cynical shi-… Brit.
Blog Contents
This area is the contents. It might look a little bare at this current moment, but it will be updated with each post I write to help with ease of navigation. You will thank me later if I receive any comments and replies on this thread.
Spoiler
Trevena's Contents
This area is the contents for my learning blog. I am gradually building it up as I post on my Wordpress site, but I hope this will help with accessing it for those interested in what I post.
Spoiler
(edited 5 years ago)
good luck! posting to subscribe
Tag me for sure my man
Introduction
What about last year?
Between popping diazepam and engaging with some sensational periods of PD and GAD (Panic Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, for future reference) last year, I can prophesy an E on the horizon… for the sole classical civilisation A-Level I rattled through past June. We will be picking up my results tomorrow I believe; so, please, give me a round of applause if I beat my prediction because, all considered, I would be stunned if I managed a pass.
But it’s best I slow down: To summarise, last year was a flunk and so this year is clearly open to improvement.
All the same, any of last year’s failures will be forgotten. Any allegations concerning last year’s happenings are, in the words of our favourite brazen demagogue, fake news. So, whatever you read back there… you know what to do.
The Nitty-Gritty
Admittedly my pessimism is usually not so bitter, but it is nearly time for results and harvesting some early sympathy will keep me from commiserating with myself on the day—that truly would be a lonely trip. There is also no point in repressing my frustration and difficulties, since this is all bound to surface later on at some point or another… and, when it does, I will be expecting more sympathy.
But, welcome, even as a student annually screwed over by his mental health, I am levelling up my goals this year. I go by dandiprat around these parts because I am a dandy, a prat and also a young/insignificant individual—you can use those latter descriptors interchangeably or together. Dandyprat would have been cleverer but I just failed to come up with the obvious at the time.
I am currently on route to beginning my next year of studies, where I will be resitting my classical civilisations course, completing my A-Level in English literature, taking an AS in history and another AS in politics. Due to my age, I obviously have to fund all of this learning myself but that is not to say I am spiteful about the process… hint: I am spiteful.
Grade Talk
My current qualifications are, as follows:
GCSEs
English Literature A
English Language A
Higher Mathematics B
Biology A
Chemistry B
Physics B
Religious Studies A
Product Design A
German D
Geography C
AS-Levels
Film Studies A
Media Studies B
Drama and Theatre Studies B
English Literature D
A-Levels
Classical Civilisation Pending
Yeah, my grades really lack the brilliance I am capable of, but I must highlight I was in a hospital school for my GCSEs and literally at the point of a breakdown back in the days of sixth form college. My eminent frustration then begins with my understanding that, without any effort, I could be an A* student: I am well-versed in all of my studies, my language and grammar is at a sufficient level and my spelling is flawless, I must say. My exams cause me no consternation, my knowledge does not fail me, my mocks demonstrate my true might in the academic ring… Alas, the same obstacles have cropped up recurrently each year, accursed anxiety, insomnia and depression with causations completely uncorrelated with my education.
This round, however, I am determined to get my itchy fingers on those top scores.
But is there a solution?
Hopefully, the man chimes in, which is why I am landing so much pressure on my shoulders despite the inevitable seeming so likely.
What about last year?
Between popping diazepam and engaging with some sensational periods of PD and GAD (Panic Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, for future reference) last year, I can prophesy an E on the horizon… for the sole classical civilisation A-Level I rattled through past June. We will be picking up my results tomorrow I believe; so, please, give me a round of applause if I beat my prediction because, all considered, I would be stunned if I managed a pass.
But it’s best I slow down: To summarise, last year was a flunk and so this year is clearly open to improvement.
All the same, any of last year’s failures will be forgotten. Any allegations concerning last year’s happenings are, in the words of our favourite brazen demagogue, fake news. So, whatever you read back there… you know what to do.
The Nitty-Gritty
Admittedly my pessimism is usually not so bitter, but it is nearly time for results and harvesting some early sympathy will keep me from commiserating with myself on the day—that truly would be a lonely trip. There is also no point in repressing my frustration and difficulties, since this is all bound to surface later on at some point or another… and, when it does, I will be expecting more sympathy.
But, welcome, even as a student annually screwed over by his mental health, I am levelling up my goals this year. I go by dandiprat around these parts because I am a dandy, a prat and also a young/insignificant individual—you can use those latter descriptors interchangeably or together. Dandyprat would have been cleverer but I just failed to come up with the obvious at the time.
I am currently on route to beginning my next year of studies, where I will be resitting my classical civilisations course, completing my A-Level in English literature, taking an AS in history and another AS in politics. Due to my age, I obviously have to fund all of this learning myself but that is not to say I am spiteful about the process… hint: I am spiteful.
Grade Talk
My current qualifications are, as follows:
GCSEs
English Literature A
English Language A
Higher Mathematics B
Biology A
Chemistry B
Physics B
Religious Studies A
Product Design A
German D
Geography C
AS-Levels
Film Studies A
Media Studies B
Drama and Theatre Studies B
English Literature D
A-Levels
Classical Civilisation Pending
Yeah, my grades really lack the brilliance I am capable of, but I must highlight I was in a hospital school for my GCSEs and literally at the point of a breakdown back in the days of sixth form college. My eminent frustration then begins with my understanding that, without any effort, I could be an A* student: I am well-versed in all of my studies, my language and grammar is at a sufficient level and my spelling is flawless, I must say. My exams cause me no consternation, my knowledge does not fail me, my mocks demonstrate my true might in the academic ring… Alas, the same obstacles have cropped up recurrently each year, accursed anxiety, insomnia and depression with causations completely uncorrelated with my education.
This round, however, I am determined to get my itchy fingers on those top scores.
But is there a solution?
Hopefully, the man chimes in, which is why I am landing so much pressure on my shoulders despite the inevitable seeming so likely.
Spoiler
Something more candid if you are into that
Just for my introduction, I thought it would be worthwhile including a section like this. For one, my whole tone might be on the pessimistic side, but this really isn’t a clear-cut representation of my outlook towards this process and the purpose of GYG. I suppose it is my character voice, something quite separate but also very personal when I involve myself with writing of this nature.
I also understand it might appear a little overblown to be focussing so deeply on my mental health, but it truly has been the one hitch in my life that has prevented me from progressing at the rate our education system demands. My mental health to my academia is a dislocation prone kneecap to a runner... or something like that, you know? It remains stable for a good 200m, then pops out, sends me hitting the mud and pains me with unwelcome rest bite for several months afterwards.
Humour put aside for a moment, I do hope this blog proves insightful and might promote more understanding when it comes to complicated forms of mental health. I am someone in their recovery phase, but I will be open about my past when it is relevant. Alternatively, I hope this blog could serve purpose to other young people or individuals, of my age, younger and older, who are suffering under the same conditions. Yes, I cannot guarantee a light at the end of the tunnel to any extent, but perhaps it will give someone faith in recovery or the courage to keep trying again, even when it gets tough.
This is, of course, not to suggest my entire GYG will be moaning about mental health though; I am more interested in what I am doing to prevent it and will subtly bring such up through coverage of my routines and timetables.
Just for my introduction, I thought it would be worthwhile including a section like this. For one, my whole tone might be on the pessimistic side, but this really isn’t a clear-cut representation of my outlook towards this process and the purpose of GYG. I suppose it is my character voice, something quite separate but also very personal when I involve myself with writing of this nature.
I also understand it might appear a little overblown to be focussing so deeply on my mental health, but it truly has been the one hitch in my life that has prevented me from progressing at the rate our education system demands. My mental health to my academia is a dislocation prone kneecap to a runner... or something like that, you know? It remains stable for a good 200m, then pops out, sends me hitting the mud and pains me with unwelcome rest bite for several months afterwards.
Humour put aside for a moment, I do hope this blog proves insightful and might promote more understanding when it comes to complicated forms of mental health. I am someone in their recovery phase, but I will be open about my past when it is relevant. Alternatively, I hope this blog could serve purpose to other young people or individuals, of my age, younger and older, who are suffering under the same conditions. Yes, I cannot guarantee a light at the end of the tunnel to any extent, but perhaps it will give someone faith in recovery or the courage to keep trying again, even when it gets tough.
This is, of course, not to suggest my entire GYG will be moaning about mental health though; I am more interested in what I am doing to prevent it and will subtly bring such up through coverage of my routines and timetables.
good luck and stay determined! i'm rooting for you
good luck for this year! you seem really determined
Chapter 1, 6th November 2018
Eliminating a Regrettable Lifestyle
In This Chapter:
(Forgive me for the time it has taken for me to have eventually gotten around to this… I will likely explain the reasons why later on.)
Yes, so summarising my plans for 2018—till my exams in 2019—is the main purpose of our first entry, as well as some details on any changes thus far. My lifestyle needed drastic changes, so I have made (and am making) some adjustments for a (hopefully) stable year of studying.
Allow this to be an account of both academic-based and personal improvements, since both are vital to my Grade Growing odyssey—finally, I have been wanting to do that for a while.
A better diet: yet achieved? Not quite.
With my system as sensitive as it is, strict dietary schedules are perfect to avoid poking bears with sticks—I mean, upsetting any part of my system’s biological equilibrium. It did seem to be working, along with my regular intake of citalopram every day… which I had eventually submitted to, as much as I dislike taking synthetic serotonin. Or, at least I assume it is synthetic? I admit, I lost interest in science after I voted against taking it at A-Level…
Sorry, a moment of digression: main point here was to present my aims for good diet, which I had been achieving until recently. I am relying on my low wage to feed myself while also working full-time, so I can’t expect much good to come from this.
Fleeing the café labour: yet achieved? Aye! Kinda.
Yes! I removed myself from a very poorly payed and stressful job! We are talking about £3.75 an hour, kind of underpaid. It was that in-the-family sort of deal—"Okay, want a job? Here you go. Oh, but we also want you to design the signs, write the community newsletters, buy the stock, work as our barista, chef and counter guy, clean up, and all for £30 per eight-hour day plus all of your free-time in the evening.”
Plus, my grandma was blinded by her own egocentricity and it caused a lot of drama and I was always automatically involved because family ties, bruder.
But I moved on! To a land of opportunity, outward smiles and inward screams! Where customers ordered their merlot wrongly thrice and then asked why it was not chilled! Oh, the glory of bar-work… until last Friday when I inevitably quit because, of course, I am too stupid to just take the bullying from a bar manager who didn’t like me
Yes, I progressed and embraced the real working world for a short time. I was not as socially strained by the people I worked alongside and did not suffer with as many economic burdens. With those points combined, I experienced far less anxiety due to the workplace. Alas, that didn’t last for long because they hired a new bar manager, who was friends with the other bartenders, and essentially used me as a scapegoat for everything, despite myself being the only hardworking and decent person working there. I hope he enjoys the two-person team he has been left with.
Fortunately, I made sure I had another job just around the corner, so I will suck up unemployment for the meantime.
New environments, new horizons: yet achieved? I guess.
Another trigger for my mental health always came from my home environment and the constant reoccurrences affected my academic success. Maybe it was the stagnant environment? Remaining in the place that represented, if not encompassed, my unhealthiest years and worst memories: the council estate, the turning point in my family’s overall stability, growing up and coming to terms with being transgender, attempting suicide, my peaks of BPD and psychosis… I really hate recalling everything, not just due to the vulnerability it exposes but for the overall ‘edgy’ tone it carries. I really do not want to viewed as somebody who forces their sulky backstory on everyone but it is just all so… vital, I guess? Yeah, vital to understanding why I am where I am and why I am studying at the age of 20 and why things are really hard for me sometimes. Even as I am writing this, I am not in the best place… I am trying though.
(Figure A: Without doubt, a typical student’s room.)
Anyway, call it the blanketing effect or whatever, but having my parents constantly bubble-wrapping me up also made quitting a lot easier (okay, that hasn’t changed considering I have just quit my job) when adversities arose. They had been beside me when I had almost taken my life so I assume it was also easier for them to let me quit than to push me when things got bad again. So, I took it upon myself to move out… here I am, living with my boyfriend. Our relationship is very good and we have been best friends for four years, and while he is aware of my problems he hasn’t witnessed much besides having me unexpectedly down my benzodiazepines. Essentially, he isn’t as driven to overprotect me as my parents were, which should allow me the room to refresh rather than be convinced into giving up if anything bad happens.
Assuming with a regular and satisfactory social life: yet achieved? Mhm.
Well, I am living with my partner and that allows me the general affection and company I require to stay sane. We make time for dates and social outings, both together and with our shared friends, all of whom are (near enough) on our level when it comes to our humour and interests. It could be better but it could also be worse.
Steaming ahead academically: yet achieved? Hahahaha, you’re joking?
So far, I have fallen behind. It might be another reason quitting work was a good idea, since I was working full-time and perhaps putting too much energy into attendance rather than my work at home. This specific section is also the handling of multiple steps that should either reinforce my education or encourage me to maintain my learning timetable.
To begin with, the publication of my study notes, since (in spite of my exam results) I am well-versed on what I have studied. Frankly, I love sharing my knowledge and therefore this should keep me motivated into staying on top of my subjects. I’m also hoping to be a lecturer in the future, so practising new ways of presenting information to new learners is of interest to me.
I hope they will be of use to friends and foes alike, and I will keep them archived on my wordpress blog—I will link it up once I start posting. I imagine the sections for classics will be updated most in the meantime since I have already spent a year studying all that, but more insight will be forthcoming! Additionally, I hope I might be able to use any essays as something representative of my academic ability if, by any reason, I fall ill again before exams.
Secondly, I am to also uphold regular posting habits that should be covering both academic and extracurricular activities in entries: updates on my artistic endeavours, any new hobbies I take up… uhm… and previews of my external essays and writing? Too, for the sake of broadening my desirability to universities, I also plan to offer resources on essay writing, proofreading, grammar guidance and English literature. Again, all will be on my blog... eventually.
Lastly, and most importantly, I insist upon exiting this entire year with the qualifications I desire: An A* for classics, an A* for English literature and an A in politics, since I will only be completing a GCE AS-Level Politics in 2019.
(Figure B: A writing desk clearly being used for the Sims 3, not studying.)
So far, that should be enough to begin to reshape the outlook of this year. Yes, I know it is bloody November and I have already let myself down having procrastinated for such an extensive amount of time, but your boy can’t help with these hiccups.
Should I expect the rest of the year to go perfectly? Not at all but let me have a good kick at improving my effort levels from now on.
Onwards, lads!
Eliminating a Regrettable Lifestyle
In This Chapter:
•
Establishing means of improving my lifestyle
•
Understanding why it should be helpful
•
Discussing realistic expectations
(Forgive me for the time it has taken for me to have eventually gotten around to this… I will likely explain the reasons why later on.)
Yes, so summarising my plans for 2018—till my exams in 2019—is the main purpose of our first entry, as well as some details on any changes thus far. My lifestyle needed drastic changes, so I have made (and am making) some adjustments for a (hopefully) stable year of studying.
Allow this to be an account of both academic-based and personal improvements, since both are vital to my Grade Growing odyssey—finally, I have been wanting to do that for a while.
A better diet: yet achieved? Not quite.
With my system as sensitive as it is, strict dietary schedules are perfect to avoid poking bears with sticks—I mean, upsetting any part of my system’s biological equilibrium. It did seem to be working, along with my regular intake of citalopram every day… which I had eventually submitted to, as much as I dislike taking synthetic serotonin. Or, at least I assume it is synthetic? I admit, I lost interest in science after I voted against taking it at A-Level…
Sorry, a moment of digression: main point here was to present my aims for good diet, which I had been achieving until recently. I am relying on my low wage to feed myself while also working full-time, so I can’t expect much good to come from this.
Fleeing the café labour: yet achieved? Aye! Kinda.
Yes! I removed myself from a very poorly payed and stressful job! We are talking about £3.75 an hour, kind of underpaid. It was that in-the-family sort of deal—"Okay, want a job? Here you go. Oh, but we also want you to design the signs, write the community newsletters, buy the stock, work as our barista, chef and counter guy, clean up, and all for £30 per eight-hour day plus all of your free-time in the evening.”
Plus, my grandma was blinded by her own egocentricity and it caused a lot of drama and I was always automatically involved because family ties, bruder.
But I moved on! To a land of opportunity, outward smiles and inward screams! Where customers ordered their merlot wrongly thrice and then asked why it was not chilled! Oh, the glory of bar-work… until last Friday when I inevitably quit because, of course, I am too stupid to just take the bullying from a bar manager who didn’t like me
Yes, I progressed and embraced the real working world for a short time. I was not as socially strained by the people I worked alongside and did not suffer with as many economic burdens. With those points combined, I experienced far less anxiety due to the workplace. Alas, that didn’t last for long because they hired a new bar manager, who was friends with the other bartenders, and essentially used me as a scapegoat for everything, despite myself being the only hardworking and decent person working there. I hope he enjoys the two-person team he has been left with.
Fortunately, I made sure I had another job just around the corner, so I will suck up unemployment for the meantime.
New environments, new horizons: yet achieved? I guess.
Another trigger for my mental health always came from my home environment and the constant reoccurrences affected my academic success. Maybe it was the stagnant environment? Remaining in the place that represented, if not encompassed, my unhealthiest years and worst memories: the council estate, the turning point in my family’s overall stability, growing up and coming to terms with being transgender, attempting suicide, my peaks of BPD and psychosis… I really hate recalling everything, not just due to the vulnerability it exposes but for the overall ‘edgy’ tone it carries. I really do not want to viewed as somebody who forces their sulky backstory on everyone but it is just all so… vital, I guess? Yeah, vital to understanding why I am where I am and why I am studying at the age of 20 and why things are really hard for me sometimes. Even as I am writing this, I am not in the best place… I am trying though.
Spoiler
(Figure A: Without doubt, a typical student’s room.)
Anyway, call it the blanketing effect or whatever, but having my parents constantly bubble-wrapping me up also made quitting a lot easier (okay, that hasn’t changed considering I have just quit my job) when adversities arose. They had been beside me when I had almost taken my life so I assume it was also easier for them to let me quit than to push me when things got bad again. So, I took it upon myself to move out… here I am, living with my boyfriend. Our relationship is very good and we have been best friends for four years, and while he is aware of my problems he hasn’t witnessed much besides having me unexpectedly down my benzodiazepines. Essentially, he isn’t as driven to overprotect me as my parents were, which should allow me the room to refresh rather than be convinced into giving up if anything bad happens.
Assuming with a regular and satisfactory social life: yet achieved? Mhm.
Well, I am living with my partner and that allows me the general affection and company I require to stay sane. We make time for dates and social outings, both together and with our shared friends, all of whom are (near enough) on our level when it comes to our humour and interests. It could be better but it could also be worse.
Steaming ahead academically: yet achieved? Hahahaha, you’re joking?
So far, I have fallen behind. It might be another reason quitting work was a good idea, since I was working full-time and perhaps putting too much energy into attendance rather than my work at home. This specific section is also the handling of multiple steps that should either reinforce my education or encourage me to maintain my learning timetable.
To begin with, the publication of my study notes, since (in spite of my exam results) I am well-versed on what I have studied. Frankly, I love sharing my knowledge and therefore this should keep me motivated into staying on top of my subjects. I’m also hoping to be a lecturer in the future, so practising new ways of presenting information to new learners is of interest to me.
I hope they will be of use to friends and foes alike, and I will keep them archived on my wordpress blog—I will link it up once I start posting. I imagine the sections for classics will be updated most in the meantime since I have already spent a year studying all that, but more insight will be forthcoming! Additionally, I hope I might be able to use any essays as something representative of my academic ability if, by any reason, I fall ill again before exams.
Secondly, I am to also uphold regular posting habits that should be covering both academic and extracurricular activities in entries: updates on my artistic endeavours, any new hobbies I take up… uhm… and previews of my external essays and writing? Too, for the sake of broadening my desirability to universities, I also plan to offer resources on essay writing, proofreading, grammar guidance and English literature. Again, all will be on my blog... eventually.
Lastly, and most importantly, I insist upon exiting this entire year with the qualifications I desire: An A* for classics, an A* for English literature and an A in politics, since I will only be completing a GCE AS-Level Politics in 2019.
Spoiler
(Figure B: A writing desk clearly being used for the Sims 3, not studying.)
So far, that should be enough to begin to reshape the outlook of this year. Yes, I know it is bloody November and I have already let myself down having procrastinated for such an extensive amount of time, but your boy can’t help with these hiccups.
Should I expect the rest of the year to go perfectly? Not at all but let me have a good kick at improving my effort levels from now on.
Onwards, lads!
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by nyxnko_
Good luck!! 
btw, I love your room 
btw, I love your room Thank you!
We are doing the best with what we've got on a rented property where we can't pull out any of the cheap furniture, navy blue carpet or off-white textured walls
so, hey, I mean... if all else fails, have I an alright eye for interior design?Original post by dandiprat
Thank you!
We are doing the best with what we've got on a rented property where we can't pull out any of the cheap furniture, navy blue carpet or off-white textured walls so, hey, I mean... if all else fails, have I an alright eye for interior design?
We are doing the best with what we've got on a rented property where we can't pull out any of the cheap furniture, navy blue carpet or off-white textured walls
so, hey, I mean... if all else fails, have I an alright eye for interior design?
Yes you do
Good Luck I love this!
Pre-posting Message:
I will be getting my GYG blog up-to-date over the next few days. Can only apologise for the inconvenience! A lot has been going on and I have had very limited internet access.
Hopefully this won’t be too overwhelming. Thank you for all of the support so far
Spoiler
Chapter 2, 8th November 2018
Dodgy Dreams
In This Chapter:
There is no point in me trying to justify my sleeping routine but, for those wondering, yes, it is a mess. I find sleeping exceptionally hard—knowing I clocked out at 12am Wednesday and didn’t come around for 14 hours came as no surprise this afternoon. Genuinely, I can’t seem to quite stick to the sleeping through the night craze so, while I am not working, studying when it best suits me seems sensible.
My mind exercised a few hectic nightmares while I was out though, a lot of them circulating the same themes and anxieties. I have always had vivid dreams, so don’t be surprised by the detail or the quality of my memory.
I will include them in a spoiler, just to cut down this blog post by about 700 words... Yeah, this is going to be a long post. I am sorry!
Despite how minor it seems in retrospect the dreams shook me up. Now I am just thoroughly exhausted and have convinced myself I don’t need sleep to survive anymore. Espresso anyone?
I can’t help but wonder what it all symbolised, since I am one of those nutters who believes in dreams being manifestations of our unconscious thoughts and feelings. There was a lot to suggest I am perhaps seeking escapism from something I don’t believe is right for me, but that I am also not sure whether leaving it behind will result in good things either? One of the nightmares certainly confirmed that when it plummeted me into a Welsh vale.
Sometimes I think it is my imagination that prevents me from feeling well-rested? Every evening is filled with such excitement, I can’t see how I can sleep deeply. I usually experience two to three dreams an evening and they are never straightforward.
I might post another one of my dreams later on! I think they can be quite fun sometimes. I could even give my dreams their own segment!
Putting bad sleep aside, however, I have been raring to hit my studying—perhaps to keep my mind busy? To exhaust it before I hit the hay again? Being responsible in this area is going to make it harder to find the hours for my writing though… My creativity has been spiking so I keep wanting to preserve some energy to crack on with my book, but I cannot always justify it. I suppose both writing a successful book and completing my education are relevant to my future, but I think we can all agree the latter is reliable and, therefore, of more importance.
This reminds me to discuss my new studying arrangement though! Since the local university has a visitor-friendly 24/7 library, I have essentially started living there. I mean, they have everything I could ever need! A Costa machine and snacks. Obviously, the books and quiet and clean study environment also help but high-quality coffee, my dudes! We also managed to get a dodgy milk cooler yesterday morning and were given a refund in Costa points (equating to £6) so we know we have a backup for two final coffees once I am penniless…
Anyway, I have been sizing up a couple of the seating booths, and I am convinced if I push them together, and stack those bad boys up with pillows and blankets, I could make a sleeping fort. This is legal, right?
Ahem. Moving on.
In terms of work...
Study Updates
I have been pretty productive. I have completely finished the revamp of my introduction to the Odyssey notes (there was a lot), and I am slowly organising them to post on my Wordpress blog: check them out as they are trickling in!
Sections Included:
In my introductory post I am going to be adding a spoiler that’ll store a contents page with links for my blog. I’ll keep adding them as I post the sections! I know for certain my work on the epic genre is going to be posted, so I would love a bit of feedback from anyone willing to have a peruse [link here].
My presentation of it is pretty important to me, since I plan to teach in the future. Practising with this material and producing decent output will hopefully be a sensible starting point to my “calling”, and I assume it’d be good to reference when applying to universities too... so, please help me get it to a quality level! I know this one will likely be a bit rough since it is my first go, but it's a start.
I will have more coming soon, but I will rest easier knowing I have already finished covering this much content. And yes, I realise I should have done this back in August… but I still have over six months to catch up, right? My previous job just prevented me from doing much besides, well, bartender-ing, I guess!
Okay, okay, for today I’ve little more to talk about, so I will wrap up and make sure to post again very soon. Please give some feedback if you have a scan of my work! Thank you for all the support so far.
Actually wait, no. One last thing, let me just talk about Merge Dragons for a little second. This tormenting game that stripped me of my sanity! I hit rock bottom, I was lying on the floor in a library swearing at animated dragons choosing to pollinate “the bloody flowers” rather than my Heavenly Life Trees. I have always held a stance against passive games that leave you waiting hours for any worthwhile interaction with them but, hear me out, things that constantly have objectives and things for you to do are equally a curse. Plus, when I realised I could just cheat by altering the date on my phone while offline… shudder.
Thank you, capitalism, for pushing most mobile apps to utilise a pay-to-win algorithm that does not satisfy my addiction problem. My fixation, merging dumb baby winged lizards for dumb adult winged lizards, was plain aggressive and I made my boyfriend cry because he shifted the bed and it meant I merged the wrong number of things asdfghjkl.
This has been a PSA.
Goodnight!
P.S. Throwing in a new feature since I really enjoy music: I’m calling it my Song to Close the Post for the Day… or should I come up with something shorter? I am pretty sure this allowed anyway.
Dodgy Dreams
In This Chapter:
•
Nightmares and where to find them
•
Discussing my new studying setup
•
Achievements for the day
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Merge Dragons is a disgraceful game and must be stopped
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Trying a new format: starting blog posts with a life update and then including study updates
There is no point in me trying to justify my sleeping routine but, for those wondering, yes, it is a mess. I find sleeping exceptionally hard—knowing I clocked out at 12am Wednesday and didn’t come around for 14 hours came as no surprise this afternoon. Genuinely, I can’t seem to quite stick to the sleeping through the night craze so, while I am not working, studying when it best suits me seems sensible.
My mind exercised a few hectic nightmares while I was out though, a lot of them circulating the same themes and anxieties. I have always had vivid dreams, so don’t be surprised by the detail or the quality of my memory.
I will include them in a spoiler, just to cut down this blog post by about 700 words... Yeah, this is going to be a long post. I am sorry!
Spoiler
Despite how minor it seems in retrospect the dreams shook me up. Now I am just thoroughly exhausted and have convinced myself I don’t need sleep to survive anymore. Espresso anyone?
I can’t help but wonder what it all symbolised, since I am one of those nutters who believes in dreams being manifestations of our unconscious thoughts and feelings. There was a lot to suggest I am perhaps seeking escapism from something I don’t believe is right for me, but that I am also not sure whether leaving it behind will result in good things either? One of the nightmares certainly confirmed that when it plummeted me into a Welsh vale.
Sometimes I think it is my imagination that prevents me from feeling well-rested? Every evening is filled with such excitement, I can’t see how I can sleep deeply. I usually experience two to three dreams an evening and they are never straightforward.
I might post another one of my dreams later on! I think they can be quite fun sometimes. I could even give my dreams their own segment!
Putting bad sleep aside, however, I have been raring to hit my studying—perhaps to keep my mind busy? To exhaust it before I hit the hay again? Being responsible in this area is going to make it harder to find the hours for my writing though… My creativity has been spiking so I keep wanting to preserve some energy to crack on with my book, but I cannot always justify it. I suppose both writing a successful book and completing my education are relevant to my future, but I think we can all agree the latter is reliable and, therefore, of more importance.
This reminds me to discuss my new studying arrangement though! Since the local university has a visitor-friendly 24/7 library, I have essentially started living there. I mean, they have everything I could ever need! A Costa machine and snacks. Obviously, the books and quiet and clean study environment also help but high-quality coffee, my dudes! We also managed to get a dodgy milk cooler yesterday morning and were given a refund in Costa points (equating to £6) so we know we have a backup for two final coffees once I am penniless…
Anyway, I have been sizing up a couple of the seating booths, and I am convinced if I push them together, and stack those bad boys up with pillows and blankets, I could make a sleeping fort. This is legal, right?
Ahem. Moving on.
In terms of work...
Study Updates
I have been pretty productive. I have completely finished the revamp of my introduction to the Odyssey notes (there was a lot), and I am slowly organising them to post on my Wordpress blog: check them out as they are trickling in!
Sections Included:
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Understanding the Epic Genre
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The Mycenaean World in Context
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Cultural and Mythical Ideas of the Greeks
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Homer and his Poetry
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The Odyssey and Origin
In my introductory post I am going to be adding a spoiler that’ll store a contents page with links for my blog. I’ll keep adding them as I post the sections! I know for certain my work on the epic genre is going to be posted, so I would love a bit of feedback from anyone willing to have a peruse [link here].
My presentation of it is pretty important to me, since I plan to teach in the future. Practising with this material and producing decent output will hopefully be a sensible starting point to my “calling”, and I assume it’d be good to reference when applying to universities too... so, please help me get it to a quality level! I know this one will likely be a bit rough since it is my first go, but it's a start.
I will have more coming soon, but I will rest easier knowing I have already finished covering this much content. And yes, I realise I should have done this back in August… but I still have over six months to catch up, right? My previous job just prevented me from doing much besides, well, bartender-ing, I guess!
Okay, okay, for today I’ve little more to talk about, so I will wrap up and make sure to post again very soon. Please give some feedback if you have a scan of my work! Thank you for all the support so far.
Actually wait, no. One last thing, let me just talk about Merge Dragons for a little second. This tormenting game that stripped me of my sanity! I hit rock bottom, I was lying on the floor in a library swearing at animated dragons choosing to pollinate “the bloody flowers” rather than my Heavenly Life Trees. I have always held a stance against passive games that leave you waiting hours for any worthwhile interaction with them but, hear me out, things that constantly have objectives and things for you to do are equally a curse. Plus, when I realised I could just cheat by altering the date on my phone while offline… shudder.
Thank you, capitalism, for pushing most mobile apps to utilise a pay-to-win algorithm that does not satisfy my addiction problem. My fixation, merging dumb baby winged lizards for dumb adult winged lizards, was plain aggressive and I made my boyfriend cry because he shifted the bed and it meant I merged the wrong number of things asdfghjkl.
This has been a PSA.
Goodnight!
P.S. Throwing in a new feature since I really enjoy music: I’m calling it my Song to Close the Post for the Day… or should I come up with something shorter? I am pretty sure this allowed anyway.
(edited 5 years ago)
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