Advice on a "misbehaving" daughter

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Dave Styles
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#1
Report 18 years ago
#1
I'm new here - can I ask for guidance please

My daughter (12) is beginning to go off the rails.

I've asked for my daughter to be "on report" at school for the sole reason that I can be sure she
actually turns up there and stays put. The other week she had a spell of truancy and it took the
school two days to realise she wasn't there. But that's another problem.....

Two days ago, after a week of comments in her report book such as "Good", "well done" "Excellent
work" and the like (three times a day for a week) comes a comment of "Lazy, disruptive and
unco-operative as usual". Yesterday the teacher who wrote the bad report gives two ticks and a
"good". Other teachers also comment favorably. Today she comes home with a yellow report book - one
stage worse than the last - for the crime of "Very unsatisfactory Green Report"

Bearing in mind that no one at the school seems willing to discuss this latest turn of events with
me, what am I to conclude from this episode ? Several possiblities spring to mind.

1 She's not been good at all, and teachers are liars

2 The teachers aren't actually paying attention to what she's doing

3 She is terrible and the teachers are afraid to say so in the report book.

I suppose it's a plus that she's actually turning up at school.

Any help or advice welcomed

Dave
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User 1951
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#2
Report 18 years ago
#2
I wonder about this. If we take it at face value then it is quite likely that a pupil who is on
report will behave well while on report and might deteriorate as soon as the report is over.

I disbelieve that a school does not notice the absence of a pupil - two registers a day indicate
presence or absence and very very few teachers accept "she's here but seeing Mr so-and-so from
another pupil so the school will have noticed. The school will not immediately contact the
parents if a pupil is absent. In 999 cases out of 1000 the pupil is back the next day with a note
of some sort.

It is a long patient process to deal with misbehaving pupils, sometimes a punitive attitude works,
sometimes a more understanding approach works.

What does your daughter say the problem is?

On Fri, 10 May 2002 21:08:45 +0100, "Dave Styles" <[email protected] o.uk> wrote:

[q1]>I'm new here - can I ask for guidance please[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>My daughter (12) is beginning to go off the rails.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>I've asked for my daughter to be "on report" at school for the sole reason that I can be sure she[/q1]
[q1]>actually turns up there and stays put. The other week she had a spell of truancy and it took the[/q1]
[q1]>school two days to realise she wasn't there. But that's another problem.....[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>Two days ago, after a week of comments in her report book such as "Good", "well done" "Excellent[/q1]
[q1]>work" and the like (three times a day for a week) comes a comment of "Lazy, disruptive and[/q1]
[q1]>unco-operative as usual". Yesterday the teacher who wrote the bad report gives two ticks and a[/q1]
[q1]>"good". Other teachers also comment favorably. Today she comes home with a yellow report book - one[/q1]
[q1]>stage worse than the last - for the crime of "Very unsatisfactory Green Report"[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>Bearing in mind that no one at the school seems willing to discuss this latest turn of events with[/q1]
[q1]>me, what am I to conclude from this episode ? Several possiblities spring to mind.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>1 She's not been good at all, and teachers are liars[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>2 The teachers aren't actually paying attention to what she's doing[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>3 She is terrible and the teachers are afraid to say so in the report book.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>I suppose it's a plus that she's actually turning up at school.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>Any help or advice welcomed[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>Dave[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]

******************************** ****
**** http://user1951.tripod.com ****
Information about films,
Jack London, Lara Croft
Shakespeare and ICT program of study
last updated 24 04 2002
0
Dave Styles
Badges:
#3
Report 18 years ago
#3
"User 1951" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
[q1]> I wonder about this. If we take it at face value then it is quite likely that a pupil who is on[/q1]
[q1]> report will behave well while on report and might deteriorate as soon as the report is over.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> I disbelieve that a school does not notice the absence of a pupil -[/q1]

So do I - but they didn't tell me that she wasn't there for two days.

[q1]> It is a long patient process to deal with misbehaving pupils, sometimes a punitive attitude works,[/q1]
[q1]> sometimes a more understanding approach works.[/q1]

Nothing seems to

[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> What does your daughter say the problem is?[/q1]

She would basically rather not be at school - she claims it is a waste of time being there.

Dave

[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> On Fri, 10 May 2002 21:08:45 +0100, "Dave Styles" <[email protected] o.uk> wrote:[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q2]> >I'm new here - can I ask for guidance please[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >My daughter (12) is beginning to go off the rails.[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >I've asked for my daughter to be "on report" at school for the sole[/q2]
reason
[q2]> >that I can be sure she actually turns up there and stays put. The other week she had a spell of[/q2]
[q2]> >truancy and it took the school two days to realise she[/q2]
wasn't
[q2]> >there. But that's another problem.....[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >Two days ago, after a week of comments in her report book such as "Good", "well done" "Excellent[/q2]
[q2]> >work" and the like (three times a day for a week) comes a comment of "Lazy, disruptive and[/q2]
[q2]> >unco-operative as usual". Yesterday the teacher who wrote the bad report gives two ticks and a[/q2]
"good".
[q2]> >Other teachers also comment favorably. Today she comes home with a yellow report book - one stage[/q2]
[q2]> >worse than the last - for the crime of "Very unsatisfactory Green Report"[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >Bearing in mind that no one at the school seems willing to discuss this latest turn of events[/q2]
[q2]> >with me, what am I to conclude from this episode ? Several possiblities spring to mind.[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >1 She's not been good at all, and teachers are liars[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >2 The teachers aren't actually paying attention to what she's doing[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >3 She is terrible and the teachers are afraid to say so in the report[/q2]
book.
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >I suppose it's a plus that she's actually turning up at school.[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >Any help or advice welcomed[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >Dave[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q2]> >[/q2]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> ******************************** ****[/q1]
[q1]> **** http://user1951.tripod.com ****[/q1]
[q1]> Information about films,[/q1]
[q1]> Jack London, Lara Croft[/q1]
[q1]> Shakespeare and ICT program of study[/q1]
[q1]> last updated 24 04 2002[/q1]
0
Pupil2002
Badges:
#4
Report 18 years ago
#4
Although there is few years between your daughter and I, maybe the view point of someone nearer her age bracket might help.
There are many things that can make us kids not want to go to school, or when we are there play up; some of them may just seem like the same old excuses you always get but sometimes they're true.

It could be her hormones - she is reaching that age now that things start to look differently, I know that one and its hard.:rolleyes:

If she's 12 its most likely that she has just gone up to highschool, that brings a whole new barrell of problems to both young girls and boys. The peer pressure (whether real or imagined) can make you feel out of control of your own actions. The atmosphere is different in High School to Junior School, everyones bigger, there are new people to get to know, boys to impress. And you feel you have to get on the right social footing with the "right" people (mostly thought of as the "wrong" people by your parents) otherwise you're not cool and so such.

Could there be a problem with bullying and this is her way of dealing with it, drawing attention to herself so that people are always watching so the bullys cant get near here, it would link to the truancy maybe she was trying to escape?

There are so many reasons your daughter is acting up. She's of an age where her body is changing, theres the change in schools, and the change in peoples attitudes. thats a hell of a lot of change for one girl to take all in one go, and some girls handle it in one way and others in another.
0
Dave Styles
Badges:
#5
Report 18 years ago
#5
"Dave Styles" <[email protected] o.uk> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
[q1]> I'm new here - can I ask for guidance please[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> My daughter (12) is beginning to go off the rails.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> I've asked for my daughter to be "on report" at school for the sole reason that I can be sure she[/q1]
[q1]> actually turns up there and stays put. The other week she had a spell of truancy and it took the[/q1]
[q1]> school two days to realise she[/q1]
wasn't
[q1]> there. But that's another problem.....[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> Two days ago, after a week of comments in her report book such as "Good", "well done" "Excellent[/q1]
[q1]> work" and the like (three times a day for a week) comes a comment of "Lazy, disruptive and[/q1]
[q1]> unco-operative as usual". Yesterday the teacher who wrote the bad report gives two ticks and a[/q1]
"good".
[q1]> Other teachers also comment favorably. Today she comes home with a yellow report book - one stage[/q1]
[q1]> worse than the last - for the crime of "Very unsatisfactory Green Report"[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> Bearing in mind that no one at the school seems willing to discuss this latest turn of events with[/q1]
[q1]> me, what am I to conclude from this episode ? Several possiblities spring to mind.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> 1 She's not been good at all, and teachers are liars[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> 2 The teachers aren't actually paying attention to what she's doing[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> 3 She is terrible and the teachers are afraid to say so in the report[/q1]
book.
[q1]>[/q1]
[q1]> I suppose it's a plus that she's actually turning up at school.[/q1]
[q1]>[/q1]

I wrote to the school and today I got a phone call from the deputy head who said that with such
large class sizes, it's not fair to expect the teachers to keep an eye on every pupil. He's now put
Katy on "red report" which means that he's sorting her out personally. Let's hope for the best !

Dave
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